Mumsnet Talk

Thought it could be a bit of a laugh

i had noticed that my ds was scratching his head the other day and remarked that i needed to "check his head". we then went to the supermarket and when we were going through the very busy tills my ds shouted out extremely loudly for everyone around (and there were lots around) that i "hadnt checked his head yet!" OMG i was very embarassed

My Godmother had an illness that meant she had to have a false nose. So before mine and my DH's wedding she had a new nose fitted.

At the reception, which was the first time that we had seen the false nose, my ds said very loudly 'look at her nose, it is not a witches anymore'.

We spent the rest of the night trying hard not to snigger. Poor woman.

My 2 and a half year old accurately observed that the lady in front of us in the queue in Boots had a 'huge bottom.'
And he is at that age where they repeat what they've said on loop until you acknowledge it so my attempt to act like I hadn't heard backfired as DS merely repeated his statement more loudly. Several times.

Really Gonzo33? I don't think I'd be sniggering tbh, I'd be mortified and explaining to my DC (however old they were) that it's not kind to say things like that.

Sounds like your Godmother has a very serious facial disfigurement and you're laughing at it.

When DD2 was 4, her big sister had told her about the birds and the bees. We were on the bus home from nursery and she said very loudly "mummy, did it hurt when i came out of your vagina". There were a lot of stifles of laughter.

Yesterday DD2 gaped at my cleavage and said "Mummy, why are your boobies so BIG?" I was just about to tell her and DD1 I'm pg! Cheeky swine.

Dnephew at a family wedding about the bride and groom, who were doing the first dance.

"he can hardly get his arms around her" with arm movements to demonstrate how the groom was holding her.

True, but just not the time or place to mention it.

Dd1 very loudly out of the open car window 'that ladies rubbish at parking her car isn't she mummy?'
'No, really! She's taking ages, YOU could park a jumbo jet in there couldn't you mummy?'
The lady looked very red and proceeded to take even longer I guess because she felt she was now under pressure from dd to Park as well as 'mummy'
I AM good at parking though

We spent the rest of the night trying hard not to snigger

Jeeze... do you realise how nasty and cruel that sounds???

Gonzo How thoughtless and nasty of you

my ds1 when he was about 3? got on a bus with dp and there was a rather 'large' lady already on the bus sitting near them ds piped up 'look that ladies bum is SOOO big it takes up TWO whole seats' dp said he wanted to die!

also ds1 when visiting his great grandma in an old folks home, he was being very sweet age 3 and going roudn and chatting to all the old ladies he got to one who was obviously very old and said 'you are really old, that means you are going to die soon' thankfully she was deaf!

At what he said not at her nose (probably more out of embarrasment).

Yes I did explain what had happened to my Godmothers nose to him.

My very cute 2 year old DD announced to the nursery staff the other week "my mummy put a big plaster in her pants today" Clear as a bell, I was mortified!

When DS was 4 he saw a woman (admittedly she was dressed fairly androgynously) and shouted (he had hearing problems) "LOOK AT THAT MAN!"
I said "no, that's a lady"
"WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE A MAN THEN?"
"She looks like a lady, because she's a lady"
"I CAN SEE, AND THAT IS DEFINITELY A MAN, I BET HE HAS A WILLY TOO"
The poor woman heard the entire exchange and scuttled off at that point, and I urged the doctors to please do something about DSs hearing ASAP

When I was a lot younger, about 6 maybe, I was on the bus with my mum and sister, and there was a woman on with a lot of foundation on. Cue me, in a stage whisper "mum, that ladys face is orange !"

She was on the bus with all her workmates and they were all pissing themselves laughing. Next time we saw her she was less oompa loompa, more human.

I overheard my parents talking about my nana's angina... Got a bit mangled when repeated by a three-year old. She probably didn't expect her granddaughter to enquire about her vagina the instant she stepped off the train.

DS told me this week it was nice lying with his head in my lap "because your tummy is pillowy".

DS has ginger hair. I have taught him it is ginger, not red, auburn or orange. My intention is that this way when eventually some nasty child tries to use the word as a taunt, it really won't affect him. I didn't expect him to bellow GINGER! at a 14 year old lad from his pushchair when he was 2.5yrs. I was mortified.

When ds1 was 3 I took him into a tattoo parlour as I wanted to ask about tongue piercing. The only other person in this very small shop was a rather large lady. Ds pipes up clear as a bell "mummy, why is that lady so fat?".

I exited sharply and never did get my tongue pierced.

My 8 year old, after recovering from an illness said " mummy its a good job im not in a care home or id be dead by now!!! (ive got to stop her watching the news!!!)

Took dd1 to docs for a weird rash doc asked if she had any unusual bleeding. Dd said no I don't but amber does she's a bitch. Leaving me to explain amber was our dog on heat at the time!

2 days ago, in our local Budgens. There is a Tesco's Express about 12 doors down, but it was cold and there had been a car park outside Budgens, so we went there.
We were at the counter, with a long queue behind us and the man was scanning my groceries. DD3 ( 6) looked around theatrically and said 'Mummy, where ARE we?'

'we are at the shops, darling'
'Mummy, what shop? Are we in TESCOS?'
'No , we are Budgens.'
'Why are we in Budgens, we normally go to TESCOs' ( She's right, we do)
'Tonight we are in Budgens, they have the stuff we need.'
'But Daddy says Budgens is crap' ( He does. Thanks DH)
'No, he doesn't'
'Yes he does' Small pause...'What does crap mean?'
Definite sniggering behind me now.
'I'll tell you when we get home'
'Mummy, does it mean poo?'
'Yes, it can do'
'So does daddy think Budgens is a poo?'
' I really don't know darling'
Grabs proferred bag and drags DD out the door as she says
'Daddy must be wrong because I didn't see any poos in there at all'.

Sitting on a bus. Very large lady in leggings and an extremely short top walks down the aisle to get off. DS (just 4 at the time), in stage whisper - 'Mummy, those trousers are called jiggly joggers...'

Nothing too much.
Just saying out loud in the middle of a shop that he needed to poo.
Although, my mum was the one who was embarrassed.

'Mummy why have your boobies gone to sleep? My boobies are way up here but yours are all tired and down there' Because DD you did that to them!

Ds didn't actually say anything but he did stop in the middle of the main aisle of m&s today and quite obviously did a huge poo, complete with grunting, bright red face and some bending of the knees. People were having to step around him to get in and out of the shop.

He is 18 months and had a nappy btw