to expect some sort of thanks?

[LilBlondePessimist]

I was recently asked, via text, by a fairly new friend if they could borrow or buy a piece of baby equipment for their newborn, which I was not finding particularly suitable for my own newborn... I replied that they could, and that I would not be needing it back, as I was planning to replace it with something else. I didn't receive a reply to this text, but assumed that my friend was probably a bit busy, therefore my husband took it later that day and gave it to her husband as they spend quite a bit of time together.

I didn't hear anything further until a week or so later a photograph appeared on FB of my friend's newborn on a similar item. My husband asked her husband about it and was told that this was borrowed from another friend as ours hadn't been suitable. There has been no offer to return our item (albeit I did say I had no use for it, although had only just bought the thing), or to buy it, and no thanks from my friend. My question is, AIBU to expect a thank you (or acknowledgement of some description) from my friend (in fairness, we don't keep in touch regularly, it is mainly our husbands who have contact), as I haven't heard from her since the original text asking for the item, or even to return the 'unsuitable' item or offer to buy it?

p.s. This is my first post, so leaway would be much appreciated. Thanks

[BornToShopForcedToWork]

YANBU. She should say thanks and return the item to you. Your friend sounds very ungrateful IMO.

[jenrendo]

Well, quite frankly if she can ask you by text for it, surely she could have thanked you by text? Common courtesy I would say. And I think if she hadn't wanted it after all she should have given it back to you, so YANBU IMO :)

[yellowraincoat]

I'd be slightly miffed for a second then I would forget about it. They have a newborn baby. They are busy. You can spend your life worrying that they didn't say sorry or just stop thinking about it. It doesn't matter that much.

[Cheeseandbiscuits]

YANBU - a quick thank you would have done.

Having said that, we lent friends of ours a load of baby stuff and clothes and we have heard NOTHING. I even sent a Christmas present, we didn't even get a card in return!

[TopazMortmain]

I think you are refining too much on it... Let it go, give in the spirit of generosity. If she has a newborn she's probably up to her eyes in sleeplessness and poo.

[berri]

But OP has a newborn too - its rubbish about 'oh she's just had a baby'...manners don't disappear because you've given birth, and she obviously wasn't that tired when she asked if she could have the item!

Yanbu, but sadly people are just like this sometimes and it makes you work out who your friends are.

[mynewpassion]

Did friend's husband thank your DH? If so, maybe they felt that it was sufficient.

[staylucky]

If your Husbands are closer than you guys then ask your DH to enquire about it

[LilBlondePessimist]

Thanks all for your answers, it isn't the first time I've done a favour (and tbh a much bigger one) and wasn't thanked (well, two weeks later on FB), and just thought it was a bit ignorant. No, friend's DH didn't thank mine, just told my DH that ours wasn't suitable, and that's why they borrowed someone else's (then put pictures on FB). If I'm being honest, I've got more than enough on my own plate, and I'm about ready to give up on the favours... and the f/ship?

[nooka]

I wouldn't expect a thank you text as I would expect the dad to have said thank you to your dh when he gave it to him. But I would have expected the item to be returned when the two dads next got together, or for the other dad to have told the OP's dh that it wasn't quite right and ask if you wanted it back.

I don't understand why you would have expected to be paid for something that you freely offered - you said they could borrow and not return, which is a gift isn't it?

[LilBlondePessimist]

The original text asked if they could borrow or buy the item - I replied saying that we would be getting a new one, pretty much meaning that they could buy it, although maybe I didn't make that clear.... but neither seems to have happened as they haven't returned it or bought it.

[LilBlondePessimist]

And tbh, it probably wouldn't really have been an issue had some sort of thanks (text/tel call/fb message), been forthcoming.

[NinkyNonker]

Yanbu at all.

[porcamiseria]

well I would text to ask for it back, say you have another friend who wants it and you saw its not being used, say, not ask, that DH will be over sat am to pick it up, cheeky cow!!!!!

[RuleBritannia]

Ask for it back if it's not suitable for them. You let them have it so they could use it. Then you could either take it back to the shop (if unused) or offer it to someone else to buy

[fairimum]

i would also ask for it back saying for another friend to borrow!

[Birnamwood]

Something similar has happened to me recently too. I gave some friends, who is due in march, a brand new (well used 3 times) car seat and base. Not a thank you or acknowledgement in any way.

When I was given stuff when I was pg with ds1 I sent thank you cards and chocs but have heard nothing from these people. It's a shame because I have so much newborn stuff that ds2 (5 mths) has grown out of that I would have gladly given them but now I'll either take it to the charity shop or give it to another friend who is also pg.

I don't want a massive deal made over it, just a simple thank you would have done (and I know I probably sound a bit bitter and entitled) but isn't it just common courtesy?

[Ragwort]

I agree that the excuse that 'they have a new baby and are tired etc' is not acceptable - these people have time to take photos and faff about with FB so they should have sent you (at the very least) a text to say thanks. Good idea to just ask for the item back ............

[LadyGahGah]

Ask for it back! Say since it wasn't suitable for them you would like it back to give to another friend..? YANBU btw

[MmeLindor.]

Yes, ask for it back and say that someone else wants it.

They have time to post photos to FB but no time to thank you.

Was the one that she accepted in the end very different to the one you gave her?

What was it?

[Jux]

Definitely ask for it back. Her dh should really have brought it to give back to your dh when they met up, after they'd ascertained that they preferred someone else's.

[aldiwhore]

No thanks and no return of unsuitable item?

YANBU to expect a thank you. Although maybe because her DH spoke to your DH she may assume that a thanks has been made so (because I'm soft) I'd possibly over look this one, give her the benefit of the doubt. They have a newborn, manners can slip a little during this time!

You are quite obviously in the right here, but if you're not bothered about said item anyway, move on.

[sheeplikessleep]

YANBU. Ask for it back if they have no use for it. In fact, what are they doing with it if they aren't using it? Any sensible person would think 'ah no, this doesn't work for us, we'll say thanks and no thanks' and give it back.

[Cherriesarelovely]

Strange of your friend not to offer it back or to say thank you. I agree I would also be annoyed and I think asking for it back might help to make the point.