‘What is bullying? How to avoid your child being a victim??

[lisad123]

I had a letter home from DD1 school about a workshop they are running, and the title is "?What is bullying? How to avoid your child being a victim"

Im sorry since when is it a childs fault that they are a victim!!

AIBU, to think this is not on and they would be better to educate parents about how to stop their children NOT to be a bully, rather than blaming victims

I totally agree!

'How not to be a bully' or even 'How to deal with bullies' would have been a far better title

They would probably get less people turn up if it was titled 'how to stop your child being a bully'

I expect they cover bullying from both sides

Blimey, I see what you mean. I'm all for dealing with and eliminating bullying of course but yes, this does seem an unusual angle to tackle it from.

Does it say anymore about what exactly is covered in the workshop?

I would be tempted to go and listen to what they have to say first. It may be that they are going to cover all angles but have just chosen an unfortunate name for the workshop..

OTOH if the angle they are taking is genuinely from the point of view that it is the "victims" place to avoid being a bully then I think you will then be justified in making your feelings known, preferably at the end of the workshop during Q&A or comments section.

I'd be tempted to go along and see, and ask outright why the workshop is titled the way it is. No matter which angle they cover during the workshop, that wording is "off"

I'd be tempted to see what its about.

If bullies are confronted by someone they can't intimidate, they fall apart. They are wimps, deep down. Children rarely take this role because they are, well, inexperienced in life I suppose. They don't have the initiative. they worry abotu being alienated, the bully dividing and conquering their mates. All valid concerns, because school is a melting pot.

If it centres on adopting this role, I can see what they're getting at. You have to be extremely confident, pig headed, and not give a crap abotu MOST people to take this role though.

Loads of good advice for children on Childline website regarding bullying.
The 'what is bullying' probably informs of all types of bullying and not just the obvious stuff. Children don't always know what bullying is. Don't know what would be included in the 'avoid your child being a victim' bit.

Anyone with experience of being bullied would welcome this type of workshop.

I think it's a great idea.

It would be quite a clever tactic if when you got there it was actually all about not being a bully.

Afterall most parents don't want to consider the possibility that their child might behave badly.

That's a very good point TeWihara, maybe they have thought that out - that would certainly explain it.

I have to disagree with Serenity I am afraid my DD became the target of physical bullying because she spoke up and said it was wrong when a child was verbally bullying her friends. Sometimes standing up directly to the bully is the worst thing you can do.
I would have loved this kind of workshop as it might have helped me to know how to help her. Perhaps it would have saved her and myself 7 months of heartache.
It was the hardest thing in the world to learn that teaching my DD to stand up for what is right was what caused her to be the victim of bullying.

OP, I agree with you that it is not a child's fault if they are a victim.

However, I'm not sure that the phrase "How to avoid your child being a victim" automatically implies that it is their fault?

I think a workshop giving children coping strategies on ways to deal with bullying, as well as dealing firmly with bullies, sounds like a good idea.

I don't think they are saying it's the child's fault if they are the victim.

Just that there are things they can do to make them less likely to be victims.

I think the workshop sounds great, and I'd go.

I think the studies have found that the best way to eliminate bullying is to stop the bystanders letting it happen. So the workshop may well be about how you can stop other kids being bullied as well........

I would imagine it focuses more on 'empowering' children should they find themselves in a situation that could escalate into bullying if left unchecked.

Rather than telling children to make sure they wear the same clothes, watch the same programmes and follow the same sports to make sure that there is nothing about them that stands out.

Whilst it's never a child's fault if they are bullied, there are things children can do to reduce the chances of the bullies focusing their attentions on them.

I would go.

i never said i wasnt going .
I was badly bullied at school, and it was because i spoke out against them. I was bullied for 4 hellish years. One day a group followed me round the local town centre chanting and then poured drinks over me. No one helped :(

Bullying is a horrible thing, I think I just think the title was

I would hope it's about encouraging self-esteem amongst children and them being able to shrug off any teasing or jibes which if left unchecked could escalate to "bullying", knowing when to stand up for yourself and others and knowing when to walk away.

Odd title agree but probably just phrased badly.
It will focus on strategies to help children feel empowered, help self esteem...not so much "standing up" to bully but appearing not to care what the bully says. Bullies hate it when they are laughed at/ridiculed/made to repeat what they have just said.

That is a very unfortunate title for a workshop! However, as a mum of a DD who was teased mercilessly by some classmates for "not having a proper dad" and "having gay mums" I do agree that one of the things you can do for your child in this situation is to give them strategies to help them stand up for themselves. Dds teacher sorted the problem out brilliantly but I did ask him not to overplay it precisely because I didn't want DD to feel like she was a "victim", I think that would be very disempowering. Instead she practised some choice reposts and we talked at length about how these other children were probably a bit frightened of people that were different to them etc etc.

I think that title is very wrong - to me, it indicates that the workshop will blame the target, not the bully. However I see what others are saying.

Has anyone got links to choice reposts, ie how to answer? I'm sure they're in books I've got somewhere, but where????

Making them repeat what they've just said sounds good.

Ripostes, even.

I'm alot older than many MNetters so my memories of school are probably a bit faded different.

I was bullied because of my accent. Not my fault, nothing I could do.

I was bullied because of my fecking stupid unusual middle name. Thanks mum. I don't use it now.

At school their was a boy older than me. He was extremely clever (OxBridge clever). He was bullied mercilessly. Not because of his talents. But he smelled.His trousers flapped round his ankles.He had spots.Dreadful hair.Dreadful glasses.Dreadful teeth.
His mother/father could surely have done something to make him less of a target.
I think it's quite thinking back.BTW I didn't bully him. He was the kind of boy who bumped into me and apologised-profusely.

"?What is bullying? How to avoid your child being a victim"

I don't think the title suggests that bullying is the victim's thought. It is sheer naviety to suggest that that some children don't get picked on more than others. There are loads of things you can do reduce the risk of child being bullied. I got bullied at every school I attended and the bullies were all different children. The problem was my weak social skills and excencity. I wish I had help as a child.

Consersely am ashamed to say I was a low level bully at times, although I was never a ring leader. I didn't appreciate that I was making a child with learning difficulties life hell by refusing to play with her. If I ever met Z I would apologize profusely. I suspect that many mumsnetters were bullies without ever realising it.

For example teaching children how to express their feeling verbally, assertiveness training and helping children with weak social skills make friends. Parents can improve their communication skills so that their child can open up to them and tell them if they are being bullied. Prehaps how to spot signs that a child is suffering from bullying in silence.

How many parents in all honestly would go to a workshop titled. "?What is bullying? How to avoid your child being a bully" How many mums believe that their precious first born can be anything but perfect.

Unless a victim tells someone they are being bullied then there is nothing teachers can do. Consersely some children do not realise that their teasing has gone too far.

Well, I would say the answer to: "How to avoid your child being a victim" should be - tell the school and get the bully excluded.

I do see what you're saying reallytired, but it's the wrong place to start a workshop imo. It could be lower down the agenda; the school should start by saying: we do not tolerate bullying and it will be dealt with immediately when it comes to our attention. We are a telling school: we expect pupils to tell if they see bullying. Not: if your child is being bullied see if you can beef them up a bit at home, they are probably being a bit feeble.

my ds at the moment is excluded from the playground for the safety of others!
:( i feel soooo sad about this,he has been bullying,
we have charts up at home,we talk to him,we do role play,we do supervised play dates to teach him how to play "nicely"
we work with the school closely and they are trying to help with him,
ds gets angry very quick (adhd traits of as) as some people on this thread will know from the sn threads.its not an excuse,so much so that i havent told anyone apart from the teacher/my family/an mumsnet, maybe i should explain,i dont know.but i dont know what to do,it worries me sick,everyday he goes off to school and i pray he wont hit or be nasty to anyone,
parents have complained,and no one likes him...gutted for him :(

crazygal That is so sad. I really feel for you. My son used to hurt other kids a lot. He wasn't bullying but he had just didn't seem to have any concept of what is appropriate. He is 10 now and such incidents are now very rare. However, he has aspergers traits and has now been referred to CAMHs.