to find this annoying and rude

[QuackQuackSqueak]

So I invite family round for lunch. One of them doesn't want to come for lunch and says they will come after. Fine. Turns up and keep making comments about how hungry they are. I offer them food but they don't want it as they've just had lunch. They still keep making comments about how they were expecting yummy food and then they remember it's at my house. I offer food again but they still don't want it as they are full up. So really they are just trying to be funny but I don't find it funny as they are obviously trying to have a little dig. This goes on for about an hour with them impying that I am stingey by not making nice food for them (which they don't want anyway) and little digs about "oh well it's Quacks house so what would you expect" in front of other guests who by the way did come for lunch and really enjoyed it as I went to a lot of trouble. Plenty of food, wine and desert etc.

Why do I find it so annoying that someone obviously thinks it's funny to try to make me look crap in front of my other guests! I think this guest is a twat and tries to make other people look silly so that they feel better about themselves but all it does is make everyone laugh nervously and be uncomfortable!

Ok rant over.

[Tommy]

don't invite them again

[Hullygully]

That is very odd.

I would ask them why they did it.

[knittedbreast]

id have asked them to leave.

no time for people like that

[SenoritaViva]

They sound like they're lacking in any kind of sense of humour. I just don't get it.

[Numberfour]

Are they related to you? WTF are they on about?

What did you say when they were making these ridiculous statements?

I agree with Tommy -don't invite them again.

[BooyHoo]

with knobs like that the only way is to label their behaviour right there infront of everyone. you say "X why are you trying to make me look stingey when everyone here has had a really enjoyable meal?" with a very confused face and then continue to look at them as if expecting a response. and shame on your otehr guests for not speaking up about their nice meal.

[ginnny]

I'd have made them some food and tipped it over their head.
How rude.
Don't invite him/her again.

[QuackQuackSqueak]

They were chuckling the whole time they were saying these things in that way that makes it hard to say much as "of course it's just a joke" etc. They always do things like that. It's that underhanded thing that makes it hard to respond. Is that what people call passive aggressive?

[Hullygully]

yes.

do ask.

[Punkatheart]

I had a friend who came for BBQ and told me she had Chinese before she got there - so couldn't eat anything.

She very nearly had a crisp sausage inserted somewhere uncomfortable.

Yes, it was rude of your family. Next time serve them an invisible meal, with invisible wine. Then a not so invisible boot up their bottoms!

[manicbmc]

It's what people call 'being a twat'. If they aren't family and persist just don't invite them again.

[chicletteeth]

I'd call them on it on front of everybody else. Remind them that you invited them and they said no. That they have also said they've just eaten and despite this, you've still offered them food.

Then smack them round the chops and chuck them out!

[manicbmc]

Read back - they are family. Still don't invite them.

[QuackQuackSqueak]

When they said "oh well it's Quacks house so what would you expect" I wish I had said "what the fucks that supposed to mean?" Instead I was stunned, went into the kitchen and got really angry (typical!).

Next comment they made I responded with "SO DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO EAT OR NOT!?" They did stop after that actually.

They do this every time and unfortuneately ARE family so can't stop them coming round. Instead need to find a way of shutting them up which makes THEM look rude and me not.

[BooyHoo]

you can stop them coming round. being family does not give them automatic rights to your home or an invite to every function. i don't bother with people who make me feel bad. family or not, if they are rude or nasty or petty or passive agressive they dont get a look in. end of. surround yourself with people who you enjoy seeing. why stress yourself out over this disrespectful loser because the luck (or bad luck) of birth made him/her related to you. next time you are having a 'do' tell them that they are not invited as tehir behaviour makes them very uncomfortable to be around. and follow through. he/she may promise to behave but most likely they will make sly digs once there about how they 'nearly weren't allowed to come' and 'oh, i must be on best behaviour' etc etc.

[Hullygully]

ask them.

Ask them on their own with love so that they are forced into an honest recognition of what they are doing and tell them it is upsetting.

maybe they will stop.

[QuackQuackSqueak]

BooyHoo They so would make digs like that! The problem is that they do it in a jokey way so if I were to react by banning them I would look like I was the one being really over the top and rude. I think thats the whole point of being passive aggressive isn't it? So that they get to say what they like and get away with it?

[HaughtyChuckle]

They sound like very rude people

[manicbmc]

Roll your eyes at them say 'you aren't funny or clever'. I get the impression that the person is older so maybe a pat on the head and 'it must be his age'?

[QuackQuackSqueak]

Hullygully Would be a bit scared to honestly (pathetic I know). We are never really on our own so I would be just with other people out of the room so they would likely shout "hey everyone, Quack thinks I was rude the other day! Was I rude?! I was just joking! You feeling alright Quack? Going a bit mental?!" etc.

The result of this ongoing digs is that the grown-up children of this person have low self esteem. Can you imagine what it must have been like for them growing up with someone who is so sneakily nasty!

[QuackQuackSqueak]

manicbmc I like the pat on the head idea!

I would love to outwit this person (lets call them prat). I would love to outwit prat but prat is so much wittier and quicker then me. I think of good responses half hour later!

[SpangledPandemonium]

Use the same jokey tone and bounce the comments right back at them:

Ignoramus does want food
Ignoramus doesn't want food
Igoramus is full but hungry
What does Ignoramus want?

And finish with 'Oh well it's Ignoramus speaking, so what do you expect!?'

[BooyHoo]

i know the sort well. my EXP's dad is typical of this behaviour. he hated me because i called him on it every time. he still tried to make out he was joking but everyone that knows these people will have been on the receiving end of one of their 'jokes' and will know they aren't joking at all.

WRT banning him and you appearing rude. let them say what they want, they wont be at your house and you wont have to listen to it. any guests that do mention him to you or ask why you banned him, just tell them straight "you've seen how he behaves, belittling people and making snide remarks. well i had enough. i wont allow him to treat me or my guests like that. if he behaves liek a child he ill be treated like one" people may agree or disagree with you but as it's your home it's up to you whether you tolerate such rudeness and not them.

[betterwhenthesunshines]

presumably everyone else thinks they are being rude and irritating too. We have one family member who always gets mad and causes ructions at family gatherings and everyone ends up treading on eggshells around him, but at least we are all in it together.

[QuackQuackSqueak]

Well it's a close relation so if I were to ban Prat it would cause huge family problems and divisions over something which would be considered nothing by others as they are just used to him! So I need to deal with it when Prat is there.

BooyHoo How did you call your exps dad on it? What did you say?