im losing the plot but not with children

[notsobluebella]

hiya this might take a while ive just recently had my 3rd child 2 weeks ago i have a 4 n 2 year old also but this is not my problem. its my sister in law ive been with her younger brother for nearly 6 years and we are around the same age, shes had 2 mc before i met her brother and shes just found out shes pregnant again now this is the difficult part from the time she says she was pregnant ive been bombarded with fone calls or texts she went for an early scan and we were all lend to believe she lost again until a week later she phones sayin that the baby was knocking her for six, now up until then we didnt how to help her deal with yet another mc because nothing we sayd or done would of helped her so that was a few weeks ago now and ive been told of her when and where shes been sick what it looks like and how she cant move from her bed as the sickness is terrible and shes got backache her stomach hurts her head hurts and what shes craving is disgusting and now shes went and bought a heart monitor today so she can hear babys heart so she can keep an eye on it incase anything happens shes also planed the nursery got its name sorted got a deposit on a pram n cot and has bought clothes already and shes only 8 weeks or so i know i sound so miserable talking about it but she actually wears me out more than my children and if i dont phone or text her back straight away i get bombarded yet again with more calls asking why ive not called or replyed to any her texts now i dont want to look like the ranting lady here but ive got alot more on my mind than her pregnancy ano that sounds so bad and i feel terrible for saying it but ive got a 2 week old that i breastfeed and needs my attention and also a 2 n 4 year old so my days pretty full ive tryd saying in nice ways im busy n my partners even sayd to her i jst dont know what she wants from me i cant reassure as she worrys about mc again im a believer 'if its for you it wont go by you' but i cant go threw this for 9 months and she has a husband so why not talk to him about it

[colditz]

Switch your phone off. Really. And if you bump into her, tell her it's broken.

[SilverScarf]

Gosh, with friends like you...

Poor SIL.

[loopylou6]

I'm sorry I can't read that. Could you possibly re-write that using paragraphs and punctuation? Thanks.

[colditz]

the op has a two week old breastfeeding baby and a two year old and a four year old children, and someone is harassing her with phone calls. How the hell is she supposed to effectively care for all her children if she is at this emotional vampire's beck and call?

Op, your SIL is being a selfish fucking twat, and you are entirely entitled to say to her "I'm really busy. I'm not going to answer my phone for a week. You're welcome to come round and do my housework for me if you really need some company, but I won't be able to talk to you much, I have three children under five and they must come first"


Or more effectively,m get your brother to say it.

[colditz]

I will do that, loupylou, as the OP is probably run off her fucking feet.

[colditz]

You really are a bunch of cunts, aren't you.

[notthewowy]

I can understand that. You are tired and very busy with 3 small children. Your SIL is newly pregnant and both very scared and excited too. Seems she both wants to share this with you and is looking for support and confirmation that everything will be fine.

Maybe saying/texting something like " I'm here to support you but please don't worry if I don't get straight back to you, your nieces/nephews have got me round the bend right now and I haven't even made it to the toilet yet. Fancy coming round for a cuppa tomorrow and we'll have a good natter then?"

[loopylou6]

Wow. Well you're a ratty one today ain't ya. Bunch of cunts really? Im not going to apologise because I can't read something. Run off her feet or not doesn't stop you from at least using paragraphs. Now you feck off and take a bottle couple of calms.

[colditz]

the op's punctuation and grammar has no bearing whatsoever on the validity of her post.

[loopylou6]

Yes it does if I want to read it and offer advice without hurting my eyes.

[colditz]

You're tearing a new mother to shreds because she didn't use paragraphs and I need a bottle of calms?

I've messaged the OP with the sort of pleasant and concerned response she would have had from mumsnetters had she had the grace to have a degree in English.

I have no further interest in this thread, it's like watching nine year old girls choosing a victim,.

[FourFortyFour]

Your SIL is probably terrified she is going to lose this baby but is also excited and wants to share it with you. I have 3 children too and have the same age gap so know how even texting can seem like a chore, but try and find some compassion for your SIL.

[loopylou6]

Tearing her to shreds? Really? And where did I do that? If anyone's been doing any shred tearing its you with your cunt calling.

[HecateTheCrone]

Why don't you say to her that you won't always be able to be instantly in touch because you have a baby and 2 small children to take care of.

That is in no way unreasonable and doesn't mean you are not supportive of her.

You are wrong when you say that nothing you can say or do can help her. You can help her. You can't change the mc, you can't change how this pregnancy will go, so in that sense you can't 'help' her. But you can all be there for her emotionally.

She's lost babies. Now she is pregnant again. She will be excited and terrified in equal measure and, rightly or wrongly, she thinks that you - a mother - will understand her.

She is not considering how exhausting your life is! She is locked into her feelings and her baby. You need to gently point out that although you are there for her, you are not available 24/7 for instant response, simply because that's not how it works when you have kids.

Perhaps it would be better coming from her brother?

[firstforthought]

I too can see it from both sides. when you can answer the phone, do so. you are of course very busy. when she asks why you didn't answer - tell her. (was feeding/changing/etc)

[StayingDavidTennantsGirl]

No sympathy for the SIL, then, colditz? On her third pregnancy, after two miscarriages and probably scared out of her wits that she might lose this one too.

And no-one is expecting the OP to have a degree in English, but it is incredibly difficult to read and understand a post that is written in one huge paragraph without breaks or punctuation - and if she wants us to understand her properly, we need to be able to read what she is saying. Faced with a paragraph like that, some people will not bother, flick to the next thread, and she may lose out on some good advice.

FWIW, OP, I think both you and your SIL have a point here - I know what it is like to have a newborn and two toddlers - I had three aged 4 and under - and it is hard work and very time-consuming. But I think you should try to see your SIL's point of view - try to understand how scared and apprehensive she is feeling and how much support she needs - and then try to find some middle ground where she can get some support and care from you, and you don't feel it is taking over your life.

[cara0705]

hiya, seriously loopylou ur giving a lassie thats just had a baby grief for not using paragraphs, the poor lassies probably had to rush it all incase she forgot cos after a baby you DO get baby brains. A take it yours must be grown up a bit or your don't have any so give the op a break

congrats on the new baby

[notsobluebella]

im so sorry for not putin paragraphs in as i just thought about getting it down then i was going to fix it, as for some of your comments, im not a bad person i do her shopping every week on top of my own as shes bed ridden i give her as much support and advise as i possibly can. I have explained to my partner and SIL that i havent got time to help but if i get the time im there. I just dont know what else i can do when she doesn't take midwifes advice.

[SilverScarf]

What advice is she not taking?