AIBU to think that single parenting has some benefits?

[NotAlwaysGreener]

As a friend once said: "I have THREE NIGHTS OFF. How is that not cool?"

If the father of your children lives with you, they never go anywhere.

[gillybean2]

I never have a night off. Not every single parent has the same situation as your friend. yabVVVu

[bubblewrapped]

why? are they all locked up or something?

[namechangedofcourse]

and

[sixlostmonkeys]

never had a night off in 14 years. I never realised one of the good things of being a parent is the times they are not with you, so that's probably why I'm not complaining.

[saffy85]

Dunno about nights off but my mum always said she preferred raising me and my sister without my dad's input (He wasn't arsed with us). So much easier when there are only one set of rules/ways of doing things. I can understand that.

[corlan]

Have a biscuit //bbiscuit

Guess what - we don't all have XP's that are prepared to take their children at the weekend.

I'm a single parent and haven't had three nights off in the last 12 years.

(I'm not bitter though - oh shit, I forgot, yes I am!)

[LaWeaselMys]

I quite enjoy parenting on my own. Have spent more time with DP away during the week than I have with him here.

I would never swap with single parent friends!

It's a lot more complicated than getting nights off occasionally.

[ninah]

I never have a night off either. But I do like having time to myself in the evenings. I guess you could say that is a benefit

[Shewhoshallnotbenamed]

Yes being a single parent is a piece of piss.

[Chil1234]

YANBU. Not for the nights off - because some of us have children that can't spend time away with their fathers - but because being single and fully in charge is often a lot more relaxing than having to compromise constantly. Also, I read the barrage of MN posts from supposedly happy couples about the awful things their DP/DH/BF get up to and I listen to women friends IRL whining on & on about the dreadful/lazy/immature/arrogant men in their lives and I think that our family is probably better off without :)

[piratecat]

don't be stupid.

my ex doesn't even care or see his child anymore. and the knock on effects are traumatising.

[fairygirl3]

are you for real? Yes i love being a single parent ,due to my H not being able to stop thinking with his cock! Let me think whats the best bit,is it having to give up my job and rely on benefits? or not being able to go off and do things with 1 dc, parents evenings,drs appointments,quality time etc as have no one to have other 3 dc ? or maybe its my shit social life now? or the way other people look down their nose at me as i am a single parent on benefits? oh i could go on but answering your question yes yabu !

[mumbar]

YABU with regards to the nights off. My ex doesn't have anything to do with DS (his choice).

YANBU in some respects. Yes the one rules thing is easier.

It's the same with everything. Some relationships are easier than others, some single parents have situations that are easier than others.

Not really something you can generalise over.

FWIW My life without Ex-p is far easier than with. Buts thats a whole other thread.

[ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo]

who takes teh dcs for the 3 nights?

oh you mean all those single parents who have supportive exes that are willing to share care of teh dcs rather than the ones who sod off and dont give a fiddlers whetehr teh mum has support or not?

[mumbar]

Shiney How are things going?

[donkeyderby]

Well I'm not sure YABentirelyU.

YABU towards the single parents who have no help or too little help, who remain single when they don't want to be and find it hard to get a career

YANBU towards those who have shared care of the children, enough money to maintain a house, who have other relationships and the sort of spare, unnegotioble time to themselves that people in couples can only dream of.

[Truckulente]

We do shared care and I must admit it's not too bad, I enjoy it. I don't have to make any relationship compromises but I don't get a lot of free time but I took that as part of the deal of being a parent.

[Shewhoshallnotbenamed]

Ok, my PMT aside

I don't think the OP was trying to piss off half the MN members off, more an attempt at a light hearted thread? At least I hope so.

The thing is, as a lone parent, my experience is that you are either looked down on or pitied. Either way you have to justify yourself constantly. You can't just say "I'm a single mum, one DD" you then have to explain why you are on your own - so you don't come across as a benefit scrounging scum bag. God help you if you are actually genuinely claiming benefits - you then get subjected to various incredibly interesting rants about 'society' and how it's so unfair on married parents.

I get so sick of it all. I'm not going to justify why I'm in the situation I am, I refuse to anymore. I'm making a stand. I'm also going to stop the "I'm a single mum...but I do work" as it's an insult to those that can't work (ie me up to 3 years ago).

Rant over.

[TrillianAstra]

"you then have to explain why you are on your own"

Which is stupid because
1 - you quite possibly didn't intend to become a single mother
2 - choosing to become a parent without a partner is an unusual but perfectly valid life choice (especially given biological clocks etc and the 'extended youth' culture in which we live)

[TrillianAstra]

(not really replying to thread but Shewhoshallnotbenamed made an interesting point)

[anythingwithagiraffeonit]

In all honestly, as a child, my life (and my brothers lives) were far better once my mum was a single parent.

There is something to be said for being happier once out of a bad marriage for eg...

If you're not the sort to mope and get down (which ny mum isn't) then it is far superior to be a single parent.

And for the first time in years of having 4 young children my mum used to get the occasional Saturday night off to see her friends!

I agree with the OP.. (in certain situations!)

[CarGirl]

It has some benefits to some single parents.

For the rest it is a very hard relentless slog.

I think the ones that spring to my mind would be a few specific cleaning related issues and not having to share a bed.