To spend more on my dsis & dbro than dh's?

[TheMeow]

Our parents split up 14 years ago and since then my mum could only afford to get us Christmas presents once. So from I was 9 until I was old enough to get a job at 16 we had no presents at all, no Christmas tree, no turkey etc. Since then I have bought my younger brother and sister (now in their teens) presents because we only had each other (no other family to rely on/help out).

This year because I have ds, my sister has managed to get a part time temporary job and my brother is job hunting, I will give them £25 shopping vouchers each, this is a lot less than I have spent in previous years.

However dh's family is much bigger than mine (he has 8 younger brothers and sisters) and they have a mum and a dad and get loads of presents from extended family, I only spend about £10 on each of them (consider that 10x10 is still more than the 3x25 that gets spent on my family). My reasoning being that a small present from me and dh will not make much difference to their Christmas.

I thought this was fine and dh hasn't got a problem with it (tbh I don't think he even notices what I get everyone for Christmas) but recently a friend said I was being mean not to spend an equal amoung on his family as I do on mine and that it is favouritism.

So AIBU?

[saffy85]

YANBU no. I bet your brother and sister both appreciate what you get them in a totally different way to people who get loads and loads. Not to say your inlaws don't ofcourse.

When I was growing up christmas didnt amount to much in terms of material things IYSWIM but we got something. Makes me sad to think of anyone waking up christmas morning to not even a tree.

[LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights]

No, of course you aren't being unreasonable or mean.

[LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights]

Btw I spend way more on my mum and sister for the same reason. Less on my brother as he is married and has lots of presents from his in laws. Sister and mother only get them from us. Less on in-laws as they are a close family.
DH agrees with this approach.

[pozzled]

YANBU. I think it's silly to say you should always spend the same on every relation without considering the circumstances.

[Onetoomanycornettos]

I cannot believe that you didn't have anything, not a tree or presents, how awful. Surely your mum could have done something really cheaply...

So, under those circumstances, YANBU

[SuchProspects]

I don't think the 10x10 v 3x25 calculation is appropriate. But YANBU to take individual circmstances into account. I think it's lovely that you try hard to make your siblings' Christmas so nice, ignore your friend.

[BuckingxmasFells]

I spend a fair bit on my mum and my much younger sister, fairly frugal for his sis, mum and dad.

My dad dies 8 years ago leaving my mum pretty hard up no one else to spoil them so we do. My DH family are very comfortable and his wee sis is married. DH very happy with this btw.

[SantasENormaSnob]

Yanbu

[huddspur]

YADNBU I spend a small fortune on my brother and so do my sisters as we know he'll be lucky to get anything of our parents.

[DoNotWantToBeGoogled]

I spend different amounts on my kids (need/wants taken into consideration) - so YANBU

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

YANBU.

Your friend is being daft, but then I always think it is best to keep silent about how you manage your present budget - whether it is for your children or any other members of your family because everyone has their own priorities and ideas about how things should be done.

[uyter]

YANBU you can spend as much as you like

[TrillianAstra]

If you and DH are happy with the arrangement thenb what has it got to do with your "friend"?

[ClaireDeLoon]

YANBU at all, in fact your putting some thought into it and being lovely to your siblings, nothing wrong with that.

[SuePurblybiltByElves]

I so hate this thing about equal spending. Get the best gift for each person within a budget. It doesn't matter if it's 30p or £30.

I realise when it comes to vouchers the difference is more obvious but still, I don't think YABU at all.

[healthyElfy]

YANBU

[pottonista]

Huh? Why is preferring your own blood relatives over your relatives by marriage considered bad?

DP and I have a very basic arrangement: I buy presents for my family, and they are from both of us; he does the same for his. Everyone gets to be favouritist to their own blood rellies, everyone's happy. Seemples.

[werdator]

YADNBU you seem to be doing the sensible thing.