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to be bewildered by bidets?

(147 Posts)
ttalloo Fri 27-Aug-10 14:49:29

I've never had one other than on holiday, and even though I know what they're for blush, I've never used them (other than for dumping wet swimming costumes in) - I really wouldn't know how...!

cyb Fri 27-Aug-10 17:36:04

I sit with back to taps. that may not be the way they do it on the continent but it works for me

BearsWidger Fri 27-Aug-10 17:36:25

If you fill it up and sit in it, doesn't the water overflow?

cyb Fri 27-Aug-10 17:39:43

you dont fill it right up, you put a bit in the bottom but you perch on the edge. Well thats how I did it

<waits to be corrected in bidet etiquette>

cyb Fri 27-Aug-10 17:39:58

or bidetiquette

BearsWidger Fri 27-Aug-10 17:43:31

What's the point of that though, Cyb? Do you have to put your hands in it then?

cyb Fri 27-Aug-10 17:44:40

yes you soap your bits . Then you splash your bits. The water doesnt spray your bits from the tap

BearsWidger Fri 27-Aug-10 17:47:05

Doesn't it? Isn't just the same as washing at the sink then?

TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle Fri 27-Aug-10 17:47:12

I cant understand them. how do you clean them? what if you get poo on the tap thing <distrustful>

cyb Fri 27-Aug-10 17:50:43

yes but its harder to hoist your arse up onto the edge of the sink and the water would go everywhere. How can you wash your fanny standing up at a sink?

And rest assured no poo on taps. How would THAT happen?

I'm not from the bidet marketing board, I'm really not

there must be diferent types of bidets then, the one we had was equiped with a fountin like spray and a tap. Adjusting the water temp was a problem with ours, many a time you would hear a shrill yelp as someone used it for the first time and was met with an ice cold spray up the bum!

InmyheadIminParis Fri 27-Aug-10 17:54:40

Okay - the definitive guide: << pay attention you girls at the back of the class>>

Sit on it as you would a toilet - i.e. on the rim, not 'in' it, and with your legs apart). Sit facing the taps. Put the plug in and run water to your prefered temp into the bowl. Soap and wash your bits. Rinse. Let the water out of the bidet and refil to rinse again if you need it.

Also ideal for: Washing feet. Washing babies (beats a baby bath hands down). Smal children to wash their hands.

Perfect for washing bits after sex if you can't be bothered to have a shower.

As you were.

Brangelina Fri 27-Aug-10 17:58:26

No no no. You sit frontways if that's the area to be addressed) and direct the jet from the tap at the relevent area, soap and rinse. You sit backwards if we're talking about post poo cleaning (or cleaning small children's bottoms) and point the jet at that area. Simples.

I don't see how you'd get poo on the tap, unless you were looking to do colonic irrigation confused.

pranma Fri 27-Aug-10 18:01:54

We have one where the tap points down and swivels a bit-I fill it with warm water and sit facing the taps.When I broke my leg I used to sit on the loo and put hot water in the bidet then have a 'sponge bath' from the bidet.

jomorgan Fri 27-Aug-10 18:02:45

I think u sort out the temperature before hand so that when u sit its not to hot/cold (and i guess u just pray it doesnt do that boiling hot thing!)

In terms of seating position, surely its just like u sit on a toilet, but instead of 'on', u sit 'in'! Surely, straddling it would be really awkward position, but i guess it may work for some!

BearsWidger Fri 27-Aug-10 18:31:13

I am sensing controversy in the ranks about correct bidet usage- how confusing.

sarah293 Fri 27-Aug-10 18:36:55

Message withdrawn

kickassangel Fri 27-Aug-10 18:47:04

our last house had one (before we redid the bathroom). i once had an experimental attempt, but was VERY quickly put off by the jet of water that came whooshing out (think power hose rather than garden hose), hit the far end & sprayed up into my face & across the floor.

also, the tap was a bit stuck so you couldn't turn it to hot, just slightly warmer than ice-cold.

the idea of putting my bits near that jet of cold water really didn't appeal.

and it didn't have a plug, you were obviously supposed to use the water flow, not create a small pool.

sarah293 Fri 27-Aug-10 18:47:57

Message withdrawn

ZZZenAgain Fri 27-Aug-10 18:50:41

pmsl at this thread. I like them. Like to be nicely washed after.

Have you noticed all these Latin nations famed for having wild sex at the drop of a hat have these bidets

Just a thought

Meglet Fri 27-Aug-10 18:57:22

I decided long ago that when I am rich (hmm) I will get one of those fancy Japanese toilets that do all the washing for you. A bidet doesn't appeal though, too much faffing.

ZZZenAgain Fri 27-Aug-10 19:37:07

yes those Japanese ones look impressive. What happens if they go wrong though? Can you imagine it?

MadameBelle Fri 27-Aug-10 19:46:29

In Tokyo, many years ago, in a fancy hotel, I came across a loo that not only had a heated loo seat (which is v common in Japan, but also quite disconcerting, making me think someone had always just finished before me) but it had a whole control panel on the wall. One button sent squirty water up your arse, another adjusted the temperature, then a third stopped the water and blew warm air out to dry your bum. Quite extraordinary. I was told by my British friends who lived in Japan, that loo-envy was common and aspiring to the next gizmo on your loo was a sign of having 'made it'. Still makes me chuckle, thinking of warm air up the bum...

brassband Fri 27-Aug-10 19:48:43

Nice to freshen down there when AF is visiting too

PussinJimmyChoos Fri 27-Aug-10 19:55:24

I have an arse shower

Mini shower hose next to the loo....a quick swoosh of the bits post wee and all is fresh...no dried wee in my fadge thank you very much

I think its a very English thing to just wipe with tissue really isn't it? I mean if you get shit on your facial cheek, you would wash it off with soap and water wouldn't you....wouldn't just use tissue and be done with it....I don't think the arse should be any different

I am English by the way, but have foreign DH who is rather bemused by the English approach to no bidets/shower hoses

sapphireblue Fri 27-Aug-10 19:55:34

Friends of ours have got some weird shower-type contraption next to the loo.......I know what it's for now!

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