To think that DP was being TOTALLY PFB?

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

So, she dragged me out for a walk around the park yesterday. Baby was is sling and grizzled the whole way, not really the way I would choose to spend my time.

When we got back she insisted on checking the baby's legs for marks, she is so paranoid about hurting her with the sling. And of course she insisted on asking me for a second opinion. There was nothing there, just a tiny mark like a sock would leave.

Anyway, baby was still upset so she took baby off to bed to feed her to sleep - she is far too attached I can't see why she can't sleep on her own.

After beng ignored for a while I decided to head in and see what she was up to, they were both asleep! Typical, I flopped myself down on the bed and they both woke up. Baby was all smiley as she always is after a nap, so she started to play with the baby when she noticed these marks on one leg.

I mean they were tiny, nothing there, a few wee spots that she described as a "pinprick rash" and demanded I get her a glass. I told her she was being daft and overreacting but got the glass anyway. she rolled glass around on baby's leg and then asked if we should take her to hospital. Hospital FFS! I told her, again, that it was nothing to worry about, it was just a heat rash, there was nothing wrong with her.

But no, she rushes out of the room and starts frantically tapping on the computer and then tells me that according to NHS24 we should be calling an ambulance. So we ended up taking baby to A&E, then the A&E at the childrens hospital where baby was subjected to a pile of pointless tests like having her blood taken, poor thing. The whole time I kept thinking she (DP) was about to cry!. At the end of 5 hours we were sent home, and like I had said there was nothing wrong.

AIBU to think she was being completely PFB, totally overreacted, and I really can't be arsed speding 5 hours in A&E with a screaming baby every time she so much as sneezes!!

PS I have tried to write this post from what I feel to be my DPs viewpoint. I am the "she" who was close to tears in A&E. So was I being totally PFB?

[bruxeur]

Yes. You had a clear, benign explanation for the rash and a well, smiley baby.

[llareggub]

Weeeeell, after being similarly PFB about a rash I have sympathy with you. My GP actually encourages PFB in parents. She said she'd much rather err on the side of caution with babies.

As for your DP flopping onto the bed and waking you both up, well, that is very unreasonable.

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

Yup, but it happens to the best of us!

[StealthPolarBear]

we've all done it - I have taken both my DCs to A&E with rashes that turned out to be very little. Both times I was told "we'd rather see a hundred babies with benign rashes than miss one case of meningitis"
glad your DD was fine

[waitingforbedtime]

Hmmm well there sounds like a lot of resentment there so its hard for you to see clearly Im sure.

I think you probably were being PFB, yes. You wont be the 1st though and Im surprised teh hospital did the tests, did you make them fully aware of the situation?

Do you mean that the rash was caused by the sling?

A pinprick rash that doesnt fade IS cause for concern, of course but it is a sign of septicemia - this is a very very very serious illness and there'd be other symptoms too.

Given that your baby seemed fine you should have called OOH/NHS for advice if you were very very worried.

Are you generally anxious?

[MumNWLondon]

Yes sounds a bit PFB to me. But we all do it like when I took DD to A&E when she was 6 weeks old as the baby bouncy chair she was sitting on collapsed about 6 inches.

Slings do leave marks, just like socks do. Babies get heat rash. The problem is if you rush to hospital over every minor thing like that you will not have time to enjoy your baby.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Didn't initially realise rash was caused by sling (still not sure) - rash was on lower leg on one side, not touched by the sling in any way. But apparently very minor damage caused by pressure (e.g. a sock being too tight) can cause a classic pin prick rash. Didn't think of he sling at the time, and the doctor thought it might have been a sock on funny exerting pressure.

Didn't do that many tests really - just standard obs and a pile of blood tests, as well as checking rash was not changing.

PFB about a lot of things but quite laid back about her health. She can get a really horrible looking rash thing if she gets too hot, but this was a non-blanching pin prick rash that had come up in 20 mins with no obvious cause - so yes I panicked

[chiccadee]

'she took baby off to bed to feed her to sleep - she is far too attached I can't see why she can't sleep on her own.'

I assume we're talking a little baby? YABU.

YA also BU about your DP falling asleep - bfing releases sleepy hormones so it's very natural to fall asleep with baby, especiially if your DP is a sleep-deprived new mum.

Sounds like you have bigger issues here than just the rash. And, yes possibly a bit PFB, but not unreasonable of your DP to ask for medical advice.

[chiccadee]

Oops, just reread the end of your post. Your DP was being unreasonable, not you.

[ note to self to read posts properly in future.]

[FakePlasticTrees]

A rash that doesn't fade is a cause for concern. That your DP didn't know that/didn't care shouldn't stop you from worrying.

I assume neither of you are medical professionals, if you spot possibly serious symptoms, then you should go to A&E. If it really was a rediculous thing to do, the hospital wouldn't have bothered with blood tests.

But I echo calling NHS direct next time, at least that way you can tell DP they say go to A&E (which they would with a rash that didn't go when you put a glass on it).

Oh, and PFB is annoying put down for mothers just trying to follow their instincts. Your child's health is more important than anything else your DP might have wanted to do yesterday.

[Vallhala]

Yes. Absolutely.

[Mishy1234]

No, you weren't being PFB.

You must follow your instincts. I know this from experience. I won't go into details, but I think it's wise to get things checked out if you have doubts.

[mayorquimby]

YABU
also it doesn't sound like you've tried to post from your dp's P.O.V. in an objective way. It reads in a way I'm guessing you want it to read, as though his line of thinking slightly petulant and selfish.
A lot of subtle pejoritive adjectives and terms etc.

[plantsitter]

You were being a bit PFB but as others say we've all done it and the pinprick rash is bound to strike fear in all our hearts.

The first weeks/months with a new baby are so so hard and test even the strongest relationship - but if you can I would stop ascribing thoughts like 'not the way I would like to spend my time' etc to your partner. He may not be feeling like that. You need to be as nice as you can to each other at this time and yes of course you will have differences of opinion, and snap at each other, and each of you will take turns to behave unreasonably to the other, but try to react to actual behaviour not thoughts which you can't really know about.

[TheHeathenOfSuburbia]

If the rash was sufficient to make a doctor worried, then you would clearly have been wrong to dismiss it as nothing.

[TheHeathenOfSuburbia]

Does your DP actually say stuff like, 'she is far too attached I can't see why she can't sleep on her own'?
Or do you think he's thinking it?

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

"A lot of subtle pejoritive adjectives and terms etc. "

Yup I may have been venting slightly there

So out of interest- if your baby had the pinprick rash but no other symptoms would you bother getting it checked out?

I asked the nurse if she got it again, should I bring her in, and the nurse said, "yes, absolutely" - but I don't want to waste NHS resources.

[SpawnChorus]

They don't do blood tests on babies for no reason, so the rash must have given cause for some concern.

Honestly, you can't win on MN...if you'd posted on here to say that your baby had a slightly worrying rash you'd have had a dozen posters berating you for posting on here rather than legging it to A&E.

[DuelingFanjo]

why are you so angry with him? Did he really behave in such an awful way or perhaps are you just vry tired and sensitive at the moment. Having a new baby is always really hard for both parents but as mayorquimby said maybe you are being a bit hard on your DP?

Has he said to you that he feels ignored or that he doesn't want to go for walks with the baby?
YANBU to get it checked out though.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

duelingfanjo because he doesn't accept any responsibility for being a parent. He is not letting having a daughter change his life at all. I feel like a single parent. And no I can't talk to him about it because I feel so guilty for having dd in the first place and ruining his life. End of rant.

[slushy]

It sounds to me like your dp is jealous the baby sounds young why on earth would he wake you up, plus I think it is natural to be a bit protective of your first (and I think you reacted normally for a recent first time mum) while you digest the massive feelings and changes in your life. I don't see why people think it is so bad I think it is a new mum's way of bonding and accepting her new life until she finds a happy medium.

R.E the rash better safe than sorry it was suspicious and we are not talking sneezes we are talking meningitis.

Now I actually did have a very bad moment Ds was bought home from the hospital he was grizzeling so I took his temperature it was 39. I started crying to take him to the doctors when my DP came in and said "why have you wrapped him up like that, no wonder he has a temperature"
I said "he only has two blankets"
Dp said "you have folded them in half slushy so because he is so small so he actually has 4 blankets on" .

[foureleven]

I think you are a little bit mad.

You sound absolutely revolted by your partner. Does he really have these thoughts about you or are you imagining them?

You sound very highly strung and a bit like me when I had just had my baby. I had PND and I HATED my partner.

I would seek some counselling and ask yourself if you like your partner enough to actually be in a relationship with him.

We have all taken our babies to A&E when they were fine. I would always rather be safe than sorry. But to be honest if the baby is happy and no temperature then theres not going to be a problem. The rash that doesnt disappear is quite distinctive and there are pictures on line.

so you ANBU to get it checked out, thats what the service is there for.

[slushy]

Also I don't think people have enough information to diagnose PND do other people not remember the arguments of sleep deprived new parents, who are trying to find their place now the ground has changed.