AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!

I'm the same weight as I've been all through the assessment, the same weight as I was when we adopted ds and the same weight as I was last time we were approved. How is it that they have only just noticed 12 days before panel that I am fat!

It's so fecking annoying.

Oh sweetheart

I know there have to be all kinds of provisos about health and longevity and That Sort Of Thing, but wtf??

what?

they can do this?

What does your weight have to do with it? [confused]

Well, to be fair, I am fat. Very fat. About 5 stone above my ideal BMI. But I have been for years, and I'm otherwise healthy, fit and very active. As I say, it wasn't an issue at all last time around, but I can accept that they may have changed their priorities on this. Couldn't they have kicked up a fuss earlier though and not had to cancel the panel date?

DH is going to hit the roof, and probably make my life miserable for the forseeable future. [grumpy]

Sorry, I didn't finish post as ds woke up and wanted me (he's off school with a temperature).

Mercy, they consider general health because they want the adopted child to have a good chance of not losing a parent before they reach adulthood, which is good obviously. They also specifically consider weight issues in case an overweight adult has either an eating disorder or a bad diet that they might pass on to their adopted child.

I don't really have a problem with them considering it, just that they waited until 12 days before panel to consider it.

I don't get on terribly well with our social worker, she's a bit patronising which I really don't respond well to, so keep your fingers crossed that I don't tell her to shove the panel up her arse.

oh poo

anything that can be done?

Nothing to be done misdee, I'm not sure what they're going to suggest at the meeting. Just wait and see I guess.

Thanks for explaining bran.

I hope it all works out for you in the end. Good luck

How upsetting for you. I know all about the powers of these panels.

I'm sure you have thought of this but could you let them have an overview of your daily life (swimming, going to the park etc) and what your ds eats and so on. Awfully invasive I know but if they are going to make you turn cartwheels like this perhaps you have to play them at their own game...

hi bran, sorry to hear. thats really bad that they waited so close to panel.
i do know they are being more strict about weight now. one lady who fosters, and wants to now adopt her charges ,is having problems as she is very overweight. she has had the children for 6 years and it hasnt been a problem. somehow its a problem now. fingers crossed it might all work out.

So sorry to hear your sad news hun..hope it all works out for you..

DH has just made me laugh. He emailed back "Aren't you the same weight as when we adopted ds? X and Y (two social workers we've had lots of dealings with) must be heavier than you. Clearly weight doesn't affect becoming a social worker."

I'm overweight because I have PCOS, and a fondness for carbs. I don't eat junk food or obvious sugar (eg sweets, chocolate), I don't drink much (less than 5 units a month). I can, and frequently do, walk at London speed for at least an hour without losing my breath. My bp and other health indicators are all normal. TBH when we got ds and he started eating the same food as us we had to make his food less "healthy" because the low-fat, high-fibre, low-calorie type of adult food that we eat is wrong for a toddler, especially a small, skinny one.

What I will probably end up doing is cutting all carbs out of my diet (I love brown basmati rice) and taking Metformin which is a drug that often makes the metabolism of women with PCOS operate more like a normal metabolism, but I was hoping not to as there are some unpleasant side-effects.

None of this is particularly a problem, it's just the last minute nature of it, and the patronising tone of my sw. There is a disproportionate number of over-weight women among potential adoptors, I wasn't the only, or even the fattest woman on the training course. And I would bet that there are lots of women with PCOS who want to adopt because they are infertile, so if it's an issue why not address it at the beginning of the process?

RIDICULOUS, esp inview of yuo having 1 healthy lovely ds

WTF? This is madness. Are they really going to leave children languishing in care because willing, decent adoptive parents are 'too fat'?

Christ on a bike, SS are madder than a box of frogs. Can't believe they put you a situation where you have to take pharmaceutical drugs in order to be 'acceptable'. In what universe is that deemed 'healthier', for heavens sake?

My mother was adopted in the days when all potential parents had to do was step forward. I'm sure my grandparents would be turned down these days, on age grounds alone. And my mother would have missed out on a loving family who did everything they could for her. Would have probably ended up being shipped out to some ghastly abusive bunch of religious nutters overseas, like so many WW2 orphans.

So are they going to set you some sort of 'target weight' before they will consider taking you to panel? Has this come from their medical advisor or from the box of frogs which is L.A. Soc Services? (Been there, done that, got the DD. It only took three fecking years despite her being a child from the same LA . God I hate them )

Don't worry edam, they don't have any potential child in the system that would be a match for us, so nobody is languishing. We're a difficult ethnicity to match anyway as dh is Asian Christian and most mixed asian kids around here have a Muslim background.

I can see that having a normal bmi (it's 35.5 at the moment) will give us a better comptetive edge, so it's not all bad. Our next child has to be at least 2 years younger than ds, and he will be 4 in June. There is actually no shortage of potential adoptors for this age group, mostly it's children who are older or have severe emotional/physical health issues or are part of a sibling group that sadly languish.

I do sort of wish now that we had gone for a sibling group last time around, but I wasn't that confident in my parenting ability then (not having parented before). Anyway, I can't imagine not having ds and having a different child/children instead, so really I'm glad that it worked out the way it did last time.

Out of interest, bran, have you spoken to ds about having a sibling? Telling our ds he was going to have a little sister was a heart-stopping moment I can tell you!

Crossed with Janni - it took us 3 years to get ds as well, also from our own LA. TBH they will overlook loads of things if they need to get a child placed to meet their targets, I think it's because they don't have a child for us at the moment that they have all this leisure to over-think our situation.

I don't think the issue is coming from the medical adviser, although she has apparently noted that I am over-weight but healthy in her report. The impression my sw gave is that the panel will have a problem with it and may turn us down unless the "issue is addressed". She said exactly the same thing when we had a matching panel for ds but when we went to panel they didn't say a word, in fact I asked them if they had any questions for me about my weight and they looked at me blankly and said "no".

This same sw wanted us to move ds to school from nursery a term early (Sept instead of Jan) before they even started the assessment because we "might" go to panel in Jan or Feb and the panel "might" have a problem with ds being too unsettled from the move to be able to accept a new sibling.

Crossed with you happystory, we've been talking to him for ages about the possibility, long before we started the assessment. He's really keen as he's a total extrovert, so the more people around the better. He's getting a bit fed up with the waiting though, he keeps asking the sw if she has found a brother or sister everytime he sees her. A story about an oak tree growing from an acorn and taking a long time to do it has helped a lot.

Sorry have only read OP but what difference does it make if you are fat? Does that mean you can't be a good parent? Can understand if you are 50 stone or something and therefore pretty immobile but presume that is not the case.

Hmmm. Bad. Perhaps mention to the SWs that you teach your children to appreciate other people for who they are and not what they look like...

I know how frustrating delays can be - I have a friend going through this at the moment. Hang in there.

Sorry but I think that is madness - and assuming that you do not have a known limited lifespan - IMO they have no right to make such moral judgements as it doesn't affect the quality of home you are giving to someone who needs your love - sorry for your family - makes me wonder where we are going with this gov.

I think in a very calm, assertive way, you and your DH need to tell your SW that you insist you be taken to panel asap. If she refuses then you need to be assigned a new SW. If the concern about your weight has not come from the medical advisor then they have no right to make such a judgment about it. Whether they have a child for you or not is irrelevant. Once you have your approval you can approach any authority or private agency of your choice. This is insane and you really need to be assertive here.

Bran thats awful, do it just before panel is shocking, especially as you have been the same weight all the way through. I agree with Janni, hope it goes well for you.

i am and for you bran. have you taken metformin before? i take it for my diabetes & don't have any of the potentially evil side effects so you never know, you might be lucky. happy to talk to your more about it if you'd like. take care. xxxx

Bran - I had a similar bu difernt problem - I am about 8 stone overwieght for exaclt y the same reasons. My sw didn't have a problme with it but my GP did (along with my being single) my GO recommended another opinion which delayed panel approval (I went to panel but it was adjourned without an approval because of the medical). I panicked big time. My SW was very supportive and lovely lovely medical advisor rang up the GP doing the second medical and siad "we're not interested in what you think of her, just in whether you think she is medically fit to parent a child" The GP had actually written on the medical that she wanted a second opinion because she "didn't know me"! I did point out that another medical form someone else who didn;t know me asn;t going to be a great help

You now that this is just one of those adoption blips don't you? it will all get sorted after the appropriate number of people have rattled their sabres.

bran - unless the SW is medically qualified i dont see how she has the authority to disagree with the medical opinion of your GP and the panel medical advisor. i think you should speak to her senior ASAP. she is out of order

lets face it, the panel who approved you last time, the matching panel for your Ds and the court who granted the adoption order obviously didn't think that your weight affected your ability as a parent

as there are no questions about your lifestyle or your parenting ( you are not feeding your Ds crap or are too inactive to care for him), this is purely a medical issues and she has no remit here

whilst it is true SW cannot have a medical opinion on bran in practice it is easy for a sw to be difficult and delay things. It sounds a bit like this is whats happening.

Yes, what Kewcumber says is true. In this case my sw feels that the panel will turn us down as adoptors if we go forward next week, and they don't usually send people to panel unless they are sure they will be approved.

The good news is that her supervisor is coming with her to see me next week. She used to be our social worker before she got promoted and she's great, sensible, diplomatic and much less of a jobs-worth.

I'll let you know how it goes.

bran - do you have a good relationship with your GP? have you seen a copy of your medical report that your GP wrote for panel

i think you shoudl get a copy before the meeting in case there are any issues there.you dont want to be ambushed.

it might be worth speaking to your Gp too and explaining that you are having hassle from SS. In my experince most GPs dont have a lot of time for SW and will be keen to help you

esp as they knwo you an experienced adoptive parent

good luck

I have the GP report, it's fine, it has my weight on it but no comment about it. I don't have a copy of the SS medical advisor's report so I don't know exactly what she has said, but if she has said anything negative my SW hasn't mentioned it. What my SW seems to be completely focussed on is that the panel will turn us down because I'm fat.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this right now

I know its probably no consolation..but you know, don't you, that this says nothing about you and the kind of parent you are and EVERYTHING about the sw?

if she considers this a big issue she should have raised it WAY before now. She is a poor SW and probably prejudiced as well

i really don't see how the panel can turn you down over a medical issue in the face of positive medical reports from their own medical advisors. Does she realise that this is what she is saying???????

So although your weight has no health or longevity implications, does not affect your lifestyle or your parenting, it "bothers" the SW??????

I would defo try to speak with your GP on phone or on person and get them on your side. Doctors get really cross when their clinical judgement is contradicted by SW without medical qualifications

Do you know what strikes me? I know so many overweight people whose children are a perfectly normal weight! Our parents' generation just didn't have the knowledge about a healthy diet that we have today.

If you are overweight yourself that probably makes you even more determined to ensure that your children lead a healthy lifestyle! I know it doesn't always follow, and that you do see fat people with very fat children, but in your case the proof is there before their eyes.

I speak as someone who has always had to watch my weight - my bmi is currently about 26 so slightly overweight. I have recently started jogging as I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to eat less, so the only way to shift weight is to burn more calories. If you don't see any more posts from me it'll be because I've given myself a heart attack!

Nothing useful to say, but as a fellow "fat but not unhealthy or lazy" adoptive parent, you have my deepest sympathy.

And I agree with fortyplus; being fat myself since childhood has made me even more determined that DS will NOT be.

Right! I just had a very interesting meeting with my sw and her supervisor. It turns out that the new-ish medical advisor has "major reservations" about my BMI and said that I need to start a weight reducing program urgently. Also the panel have been not approving couples where the medical advisor has had negative feedback about BMI, including some couples who were previously approved and are only back at panel for an annual re-approval. So rather than putting couples through the strain of panel and then refusal they are pulling them out until they have had a meeting with the medical advisor on weight issues, followed by a training session for the panel on how to interpret medical advice.

Reading between the lines the SWs are very concerned (and more than a little pissed off) that quite a large proportion of their potential adoptors are not going to be approved, and they are going to beat the medical advisor and the panel with big sticks to make them see sense.

I have said that I consider my lifestyle to be healthy and as such I will not agree to go to panel until I have been given clear and firm targets about what an "approvable" BMI is, at which time dh and I will decide whether it's achievable or not, and will drop out if not achieveable. I won't accept wishy-washy targets, it either has to be X BMI, or X average number of pounds lost per week, or X hours of exercise per week (if they want to go down the lifestyle route). That way I can decide whether I need to take Metformin or not. Most important is that I don't want to be left uncertain for months on the possiblity of being approved as it would be unfair on ds who is looking forward to a new brother or sister.

So, on the positive side, my SW is much less negative than I thought (in fact she was fairly annoyed on my behalf as she had been quite thorough on writing up my lifestyle in her assement to show that it was healthy and active). On the negative side, I'm not likely to be approved unless the panel can be beaten into submission persuaded to lighten up a bit.

ooh blimey bran - that doesn't bode well for me - I hope its not a general move amongst medical advisors to panels...

oh bran I'm sorry to hear this

I can understand why you want a definite target so you can decide what to do

Its my understanding that panel medical advisors are usually consultants in community medecine and not specialists in obesity. So she will need to tread very carefully in laying down rules

i have a suspicion that this is just part of the general process of setting the bar higher and higher, as there are fewer and fewer babies and young children available for adoption and most of them coem from a high risk background

they used to approve prospective adopters with a history of mental health problems, but now thats very difficult

Hi Bran- have only skim read but would like to help you if poss. I do lymphatic drainage massage and mainly help people to lose weight. If you're not wanting to take metformin maybe you could consider visiting a qualified herbalist. This will help sort hormones out and get metabolism back to normal.When that's sorted you can move onto herbs that will help the lymph system which in turn will speed weight loss. (I am currently taking lymph specific herbs cos I ate like a horse during pregnancy and put 4 stone on. I lost a stone in the first week of taking these herbs)
Also check out LECITHIN GRANULES- this is a soya product that helps body break down fat. (It's bloody marvellous!)
Dietry-wise make sure you limit complex carbs to breakfast and lunch and don't mix with protein. Cut out bread and pasta cos they'l stodge up your guts and thicken lymph with mucous which will lead to sluggish elimination of waste and the storage of fat.
Cut out cheese.
If you're interested there's an excellent book Raw Energy by Leslie Kenton. This is a fantastic way to lose weight and lose years off your face and you'll feel amazing! I did it for 2 years and felt incredible. I wish I'd never stopped but I do love pizzas and cake!!
If you're anywhere near Leeds I can recommend a very good herbalist and a fabulous colonic hydrotherapist. (colonic irrigation done correctly is very effective in kickstarting wieght-loss)

Anyway I hope some of this will help you and I wish you lots of love and luck with your adoption process. xx

Dawn French

"She is perfectly content with her weight, she adds, but it became an issue during the adoption procedure. "I was told that I had to lose weight – it was non-negotiable. That was hard for me. No-one had ever said that to me before, and I had never agreed to do it before. I'm actually the sort of person for whom it's quite a big deal not to [lose weight]. I'm so comfortable after all these years, and I thought, 'who are they to tell me this, unless they can prove to me that I'm going to die?'.

"What they were looking at was charts. I had to be in the middle of a chart, and I don't want to be in the middle of anybody's chart. But I was told, 'These are the rules'. I had to lose five stone, and I did. They said, 'Are you going to whack it back on straight away?'. I said 'I don't know. I've never done it before. But I'm not going to spitefully eat loads of doughnuts, if that's what you mean'.""

Are you thinking of doing it all again Kewcumber? Do you think you'd go back to Kahzak again? It would be a wonderful trip for Gerkin.

I'm not sure whether this is specific to this medical advisor or whether it's a general bar raising as KristinaM suspects. I'll just have to wait and see I guess.

Thanks for all your advice manuka, I'm going to have a look at that book on Amazon.

I remember that Dawn French had to lose all that weight MP, in fact the first time around for adoption I was expecting them to ask me to lose weight because of what I'd read about her experience, but nobody seemed bothered at all then. Which is why it's a bit more of a shock this time. I love the "not ... spitefully eat doughnuts" comment.

Crumbs. and arse. It's madness. Like it's only the overweight who have eating disorders and poor dietary habits to pass onto their children and everyone who is overweight has bad habits to pass on[double ]

If you haven't already, can you put in that your weight makes you more aware of the need to give a child a good diet? I know that's playing into their patronism, but it might get you where you want to be.

It is all bollocks though.

Say you've started an exercise programme involving you whittling a Krispy Kreme storage facility from a giant redwood with a small emery board. You'll need to stockpile those doughnuts. Start now.

update please bran - whats happening???

Ohh, I was just about to go an have an early night when this popped up.

Things are a bit stalled at the moment. Our SW was quite keen to get us into a May panel, but not absolutely sure that we would be approved. She also wanted to do a huge amount of stuff to 'prove' that I have a healthy lifestyle and was taking steps to loose weight, like diet sheets, exercise diaries. In the meantime I had a bloodtest in relation to my PCOS and it turned out that I was in the early stages of type 2 diabetes (no symptoms or anything, but the fasting bloodtest had some sugar in it). I was already considering taking Metformin for the PCOS (it helps with weight loss), and it is the most usual treatment for type 2 diabetes anyway so that made the decision for me.

So I told the SW that I had been diagnosed with diabetes, and that dh and I had decided to give it a break for a while to see if I could lose weight and we would get back to her in June.

Once I started on the Metformin I immediately started losing weight reasonably quickly (between half a kilo and a kilo a week). I haven't really had to change much about my diet as it was already fairly low gi, so I've just cut out the obvious treats like a biscuit when having coffee with a friend or a glass of juice with breakfast. I've also just started seeing a personal trainer which is good fun, if a bit knackering.

DS is continuing to back up that recent research that found there is no correlation between the body mass of an adopted child and his/her adoptive parents by being as thin as a rake despite eating well.

great to hear from you so soon. i was thinking about you. even Dh was asking as a ..ahem...well built chap he has some experience of prejudice like this

you sound really positive about it all well done for hanging on it there

I'm glad you've had your diabetes diagnosed - as you know it can cause all sorts of problems if it remains undetected so at least you know what you are batting against

I'm impressed with the healthy eating and even a personal trainer...you are one determined woman. but then we know that to have survived the system thus far to get DS1

are you hoping to go back to panel in the autunm? There might not be one in August and as you knwo they can get booked up so don't hang about

hope you will soon be putting up two fingers ( metaphorically speaking of course) to the SW and panel medical advisor

Thanks Kristina. My trainer is determined that I will swank into the panel all trim and svelte, and stun the panel into shocked silence. I suspect that it would need some pretty special magic knickers to make that happen.

I'm not sure when we will go to panel, I'll see when the SW thinks when we talk to her in June. TBH there is a fair chance that we won't be adopting again as we may move back to Dublin in the future (next 12-18 months although we could delay if needed), so we would have to be matched with a child quite quickly in order to get the final court hearing done before we move. And I think I would be fine with having an only child, but I know that DS would love a sibling as he is very sociable and DH is very keen to have more than one child.

I had forgotten about not having panels in August, thanks for the reminder. There are two panels a month so hopefully there isn't too much of a backlog. Anyway, it doesn't really matter when the approval panel date is if they don't have a child for us yet.

sorry to disagree about the panel date but it DOES matter. once you have been approved for a certain number of months ( i think 3??) you can join the national database and look for kids all over the country. sorry i'm out of touch so i dont know what its actually called. also you can search for children yourself using other recourses, like the Adoption Uk magazine. i think BAAf also still advertise children? your local authority may not have a match for you but someone else might.

if you decide to go ahead that is. one child is great if you woudl be happy. you will just accomodate Ds in other ways eg live in a place with plenty kids, have lots of play dates , join clubs, sports etc

you might get a sibling for him and they don't get on

We were on our training when they told me that we may be turned down because of my weight. I was heartbroken and went on a crash diet before my medical, one tiny meal a day for about six weeks. We got through though.

It is a major issue (especially in my case, being so overwight), but if it is the only health issue you have you cannot be turned down.

There is never a good time to hear that this is a problem,but my heart goes out to you having your panel date put back. Good luck!

Oh for heaven's sake, if you've got PCOS you have a reason for being overweight. SWs are clearly discriminatory and have very nasty attitudes to human beings.

Good news re. finding out about the diabetes though.

yes edam, i was hoping ( in a kind of warped way) that because diabetes is a better known condition than PCOS then she might qualify as " disabled" and therefore protected by some legislation. but all a bit immaterial really if they are moving to ROI

at poor tehshelf having to go on a crash diet. most unhealthy

bran, don't know if you've ever come across a book by Colette Harris on PCOS? Only if not, do have a look. I know lots of people who really rave about it - and as I used to work with Colette I can tell you she really knows her stuff. Might be helpful.

I have a few of her books edam, and they are very good, I've learned a lot from them.

It's not so much the SWs being nasty as it's not really their decision, it's the medical advisor's comments that are causing the problem. The last time around the MA said something along the lines of "This woman is very overweight, need to check that she has a healthy diet and active lifestyle", which I did so that was fine, the panel had no issues at all with my weight. This time around a new MA has said "I have major reservations due to her overweight. She needs to take active part in weight reducing and healthy lifestyle program urgently". The clear implication there is that I don't have a healthy lifestyle. She has apparently said much the same thing on the form of every overweight/obese applicant, and the panel are interpreting her comments as an instruction not to approve applicants until they lose weight. I can't remember the term used, they're not actually turned down they are put on hold to be reviewed at a future date.

Anyway, as I say since starting on Metformin I have been experiencing the joys of a normal metabolism and have lost 11 lbs in slightly over 5 weeks without trying at all. Which is fab, if a little annoying that I didn't try it before.

I'm a little reluctant to go on the national database at all KristinaM, it didn't work in our favour at all the last time. I would rather stay in the 3 LA consortium that our LA is a part of.

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences theshelf. I'm glad you got through though. Have you adopted or are you still waiting to be matched?

Have been approved and matched. Our two officially moved in last Friday and we are having a lot of fun and feel very tired!

Fantastic! Congratulations to you and all your family.

Wonderful news

That's really interesting. I ponder adoption from time to time but am always put off because DH and I are - erm - on the large side, despite our best efforts. From what you're saying we'd be sure to have problems. isn't it a hame to potentially exclude such a large (ha ha ) group of people.

Bes of luck, Bran, with whatever is happening next.

i think the size issue may be pertinent to certain local authorities. we are currently doing a course with other adopters and two of the couples, i suppose would be classed as obese. they have both had placed with them older siblings. one couple a 3 yr old and 9 yr old and the other a 4 and 7. there's hope.
both placements in the last 8 months to a year.

Hi there, this is my first post here, am enjoying looking around here!

We have been trying for a child for a couple of years (I am 34), and we have just found out we cannot have kids for sure - nothing wrong with me at all (not even high blood pressure), he had a bad case of mumps when he was young which has made him infertile

So it's the donor route or adoption route...

We have been to an introduction evening at Richmond Borough and came away so confused. So many good and so many bad experiences.

I am obese (BMI over 40), and we have identified that this will be our key problem. I do have a healthy appetite but eat what hubby does, and he is slim. Not into junk food at all.

I piled on weight after using a contraceptive injection for years, not realising that was the cause for the weight increase (plus I have a genetic disposition for being heavy too which hasn't helped... we all really battle and have to do loads of exercise to keep the weight down)... and now the harm is done. I used to weigh 74kg prior to starting the injection (am 5ft 3inches).

I am also a childminder - I look after 4 kids every day - under the age of 3! They keep me on my feet all day. I am active in that I cycle and walk a lot, feed them very well with excellent nutrition (believe you me, the parents would not leave them with me were it otherwise, they are not fools). Ofsted neither!

Also, one agency said it was great I was a childminder - stands me in good stead... another agency said it was bad... as I wouldn't prioritise the adopted child... Huh??? Such conflicting opinions.

We will both be fabulous parents, of this I am sure... but we are just too scared to go any further with adoption as it seems the SW are full of you-know-what half the time!

All we want to do is provide a child who has come into the world at a disadvantage, with loving and caring parents, nurture them and ensure they have a brighter future... is this too much to ask?

hi jenni and welcome to mumsnet

I'm sorry to hear about your problems TTc and teh confusing messages you have been getting about adopting.

are you considering using a donor? that woudl be my first choice in your situation- its much quicker and easier than adoption. also you need to be aware that even if you are able to adopt a very young baby, they will probably have been removed from their birth parenst rather than relinquished. So there will probably be a family history of substance misuse and mental illness. thats is on top of all the " normal" adoption issues you will need to deal with

I'm sorry not to be very encouraging about adoption, but its a very very hard thing to do

if you search mumsnet you will probably find many threads about using a donor

Hurrah! We have been approved as adoptors.

I tried on everything in my wardrobe to find what made me look the thinnest, added a pair of magic knickers and went along to meet the panel. DH made me promise to be civil to the medical advisor, and I reckoned I could content myself with a Paddington Bear style hard stare and rather chilly civility, but in the event she didn't attend the panel.

Hurrah! We have been approved as adoptors.

I tried on everything in my wardrobe to find what made me look the thinnest, added a pair of magic knickers and went along to meet the panel. DH made me promise to be civil to the medical advisor, and I reckoned I could content myself with a Paddington Bear style hard stare and rather chilly civility, but in the event she didn't attend the panel.

There wasn't a single mention of health or weight, but one panel member did ask a deep and searching question about ds's understanding of the existence of God. I answered "He's four!" but refrained from adding that we are having trouble convincing him that the Gruffalo is a fictional character. I also (with difficulty) refrained from doing an eye roll. Even thinking about it now I feel the need to get some eye-rolling out of my system. That's much better.

Anyway we were approved fairly quickly and our SW and her supervisor seemed rather disporportionately relieved that we had been passed. It turns out that they have had quite a few decisions deferred recently. I'm glad that they didn't mention that before we went in.

Aww well done, just read the thread from the start and very pleased with that update glad ds will soon have a playmate (or two! or more!!! lol)

fantastic news!

am a bit by the question about your Ds. seems completely inappropriate IMHO

To be fair (and I hate being fair) it was a sort of follow-on to a question about the regularity of dh's and his church attendance, and whether he would be allowed to chose not to attend in the future if he wanted to. But even the original question was a bit unexpected tbh.

Thanks for the congrats. Now there's just the long, long wait for the right child.

Ooh! Congratulations Bran, that's fantastic news. On the question about God, from my dim and distant recall of my panel attendance for DD2 (can't remember how DH got away with not attending), the panel members were searching around for appropriate questions to ask and would alight on just about anything to fill in the allotted time.

brilliant new bran (maybe we should shop for a nappy bag too )!

brilliant news bran (maybe we should shop for a nappy bag too )!

(spot the difference in the 2 posts ).

Don't worry HC, I won't tell the pedants about your difficulty with plurals.

I already have a new nappy bag. I saw it when I was buying something else about 6 months ago and now it's hidden at the back of the wardrobe.

I am already eyeing up buggies, I can't help feeling that the perfect lightweight one (for slinging in the boot of the car and going on public transport) is out there somewhere. I have a Volo, which fulfills the lightweight criteria but it's not good for younger children, and it makes me cross to push it because the wheels are small and horrible.

oh i hate maclarens, they are Not Nice to push (i know this makes me a freak). loved my mountain buggy - how about a breeze?

COngratulations! I lurked on this thread at the time but had no advice as i know little about adoption but am so glad to hear that it went well after so long

Thank you littleducks.

I think I would like a breeze HC, it would be good to see one in action first though as I'm a bit wary of having a fixed front wheel. I will be digging out my fabulous Urban Detour for local trips as it was effortless to push, it's just big in shops and heavy to lift into the boot of the car.

I used to have a Mothercare Citilite for going to shopping centres as it had a big basket and was very comfy for ds to sleep in. But again it made me a bit cross to push it on a pavement because of the annoying wheels, plus the handle was slightly too low for me.

Of course I might end up with a relatively older child so perhaps pushchairs won't be such an issue. The oldest the new child can be is 2 years younger than ds (who turned 4 in June). DS was just under 11 months when we got him, so still a proper baby then with years of pushchair use ahead of him.

mountain buggies are just so easy to push. and beautifully engineered. and indestructible (i have given mine to my niece & it still looks like new despite living outside ). breezes are quite hard to get hold of though, i'll send you a link next time one comes up on ebay. there must be a stockist somewhere in london though...

pmsl at your secret nappy bag purchase.

I'm not even sure that I like the nappy bag now, it has a sheepskin trim IIRC. I'll have to dig it out and have another look at it.

My previous one was a chinois style from Big Mamma Slings and I gave it away because I couldn't bare for it not to be used (plus I wanted to get one in a different colour). But I don't think they stock them anymore. I must try to channel my interest in changing bags into handbags.

There was a Breeze on ebay recently but it went for well over £200, I'm pretty sure I could get one new for less than £300.

(That's "bear" not "bare" )

i think they are £380ish new.

Just wanted to add my congratulations

I hope you don't have long to wait.

Bran I'm so pleased you've been approved

Congratulations

Can I add my congratulations! If there is anything better than adopting child no 1, it is adopting child no 2 and seeing child 1 so excited about it. I really hope you don't have to wait too long.

I have come to the conclusion over the years that adoption boards and social workers are there only to put obstacles in people's ways - working on the principle that if you can survise the adoption process you will have the strength to be a parent!

YAY. Well done Bran!

BRILLIANT! Am so pleased for you.

Well done Bran! I thought about asking you how it was going yesterday on the Wharfers' thread.

But I didn't

Thank you everyone.

congrats bran - have been on holiday so missed this... good luck with a match.

Congrats from me too!

Let's hear it for magic knickers and let's have a bit more ing for the panel member asking about your child's relationship with God...What's that all about??

congrats

Just read through the whole thread, gutted for you and then cheering!
Good news!