Autistic women assemble! #3

[Nepmarthiturn]

This is a thread for autistic women to connect, chat, vent, laugh, share and seek advice and solidarity (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

Any autistic women newly finding the thread are very welcome to join us (even if awaiting diagnosis) but we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please…

Previous threads:

1

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4777843-autistic-women-assemble

#2
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4865805-autistic-women-assemble-2

Checking in!

👋👋

Hello. I've got the forms for diagnosis but have procrastinated sending them off worried about getting it right.

Posting as having a nightmare day. Eldest (diagnosed) and youngest (not yet diagnosed as masking at school) are just setting each other off everything we do. You gets makes a noise and eldest is really mean to her about it. Youngest in tears crying and trying to make it all better "I will be quiet I will". Eldest blames everything on me.

I'm so overwhelmed and know I need to hold it together for them but need to run away from it all today so posting on mumsnet and found this thread of people who might get it xxx

@ThreeBeanChilli that sounds really hard. Were they back to school this week? Mine were and they're shattered and overwhelmed, then it all comes out at home (also masking). I get it! It's so hard when their needs clash.

Hello everyone.

<twirls around in new thread>

Welcome @ThreeBeanChilli no real advice I'm afraid, as I only have the one DD, but always here as a listening ear. Do get the forms sent off for yourself, if you can though. Don't worry about getting it right. Most of us here say we understand ourselves better since diagnosis. Personally, as I've been able to understand myself more, I've been able to help and understand DD more (it's still brutally hard, though)

Totally agree with everything @RainbowZebraWarrior said. Diagnosis generally really helps people understand themselves better and be kinder to themselves, especially because the reports are very detailed about your specific profile and needs and difficulties. Parenting when you are also feeling overwhelmed is so difficult.

Hi everyone, sorry I've not caught up with all the posts but so happy there's a place for us!
I'm diagnosed adhd and ASD (only in the last few months) and finally understand myself. Been an emotional rollercoaster since diagnosis and it's blooming hard and lonely. I have 2 daughters and strongly suspect the younger one is ASD but she "doesn't currently reach the threshold" to proceed further on the pathway. Glad there's so many of us here x

Would it be ok if I joined in here? I don't have a diagnosis, but my DD has an ASD diagnosis and I'm in counselling and the idea of me also being ND has come up this week. I think it's true, but I don't know if I'm just looking for an easy answer to my anxiety. I'm in my early 40s and have got this far in my life, but I know I don't quite fit.

I'm not really sure how I know for sure, but I don't think I want to go through the whole diagnosis process. Feeling quite confused at the moment, sorry this is a bit of a brain dump.

I have autistic tendencies but since starting a new job I feel like I'm really struggling and feel like it's becoming more obvious I am autistic, it's exhausting acting 'normal' and trying to fit in

Great thread! I'm awaiting diagnosis and both my girls are on the pathway. It's a long long wait!

Well!

Big welcome to all women posting here for the first time.

This is a safe and supportive space for us all.

Isn't it just.
Are you waiting for a diagnosis?

I have autism, diagnosed in 2022. It's nice to have a thread like this.

No I haven't seen anyone about it, nearly impossible to get an appointment here

Welcome@SnowyMouse

Awaiting adhd diagnosis but suspect i have autism as ive had social anxiety all my life,no good at sport or dancing and im not typical of other women in their 50s.
I come across as blunt and straight talking.
Only just suspecting i maybe autisctic in the last year as my colleagues dont get me.

Big welcome to all the new posters! Glad you all found us. 😊

Just placemarking for myself as I was new on the last thread x

You're very welcome here, as is anybody considering referring themselves for diagnosis. Lots of posters can help to answer any questions you have about the process. There are many of us who lived most of our lives without suspecting autism, knowing nothing about it, but then like you something sparked a suspicion or somebody asked if we'd ever considered it, or children were diagnosed and when more was read about it to support them it all suddenly clicked. That feeling of "never fitting" is exactly it for so many women. Diagnosis for women/ girls basically didn't exist when many of us were children so we've had to become very competent maskers and manage like you said, have so many systems and coping mechanisms in place to keep things on track, but that comes at a huge cost. And then sometimes comes crashing down.

You'll get no judgement from posters here whether you decide to pursue diagnosis or not - it's a really supportive thread - but do feel free to talk about how you're feeling about it if you'd like to and don't apologise for posting!!

Totally exhausting!! Especially in a new environment like that where you don't know the people, want to make a good impression and are trying to "fit in".

Glad you found us! Absolutely, such a long wait in many Trusts. 😠😠

Your comment about dancing made me smile! I am a very competent musician but can I make my body move in time to it? I look like a robot going beserk. 🤣 Still can't even ride a bike without falling off. Regularly walk into walls and furniture even in my own house when you'd think I should know where they are by now... No balance or coordination whatsoever.

Thank you @Nepmarthiturn, I'm having a little cry now because I'm realising just how tired I am and how much effort everything is. I'm glad to have found this thread.

The analogy that made sense to me was a swan looking like it's elegantly and gracefully floating along the water when in reality its legs are paddling like mad underneath. Nobody sees the effort required to maintain it. I'm so sorry to hear that you're finding it so hard. 😔 I find things build up but I keep going until I'm totally burned out then I self-implode.

@Floopani I only got diagnosed recently and joined the last thread and I have literally never experienced exhaustion like this since my diagnosis. I still dont get to respond nor help anyone on this thread as I am still getting used to it all myself but we will get there and we are all here for the same reason and for support of each other. I am currently so beyond exhausted mentally and emotionally but hey I have done this for over 46 years now and once I reconcile it all with myself I am sure I will get through it as will you and we will be much more at peace in ourselves.