Help...a 13 yr old girl?

[babytinkabell]

Our foster daughter is 13 (14 soon after christmas.) She will more than likely be with us for Christmas and I'm a bit clueless as to what to get her.
I have a 15 yr old sd so should have some idea but we usually just give her cash or vouchers so this is a new experience as my own kids are only 7 and 4.
Also Christmas isn't really celebrated in her house so I think she may be a bit overwhelmed here as myself and dh can go a bit overboard at Christmas time! I don't mean we spend loads on presents, it's more the atmosphere e.g we would always do loads of Christmas crafts with the kids, take a Saturday in early December which we all spend decorating the house and putting up trees etc. Any ideas what i can do to make it easier for her?

[cherrymonster]

if you could give a clue as to why christmas isnt celebrated in her family that would help- for example if its because her religion doesnt allow it, then i would keep it pretty low key, but if its because her parents are drunk who can never remember what day it is, let alone make plans for christmas, then i would go all out and make it fantastic for her iyswim. hth

[mummytime]

Get her involved and talk to her about the differences (if it is religious grounds).

Clothes, CDs or games would be my recommendations for presents. Also do get her involved with Santa for the little ones. Maybe make your own food, decorations with her.

[babytinkabell]

It's not a religious thing, her parents just don't seem to be into Christmas. Her dads not always there and I think her mum just can't get it together enough to really organise anything if that makes sense. Her coping skills aren't the best.

[mummytime]

Oh do ask her then if there is anything she'd really like to do this Christmas. (And try to do it if its possible, sleigh rides might be out, carol singing or midnight mass are possible.)

[dolphin13]

babytinkabell the fc I have at the moment came to us last September. They are 12, 7 and 5. They had never had a proper Christmas as in, no tree, stockings, special food or family traditions. They got a few cheap presents from extended family but that was it.

I was like you, really worried about overwelming them. In the event they loved it. We did all the normal stuff like snacks for santa and reindeer, glitter footprints on the stairs, lots of card and decoration making.

The younger 2 did ask why Santa had never come to their house . I had no choice but to make up a story that mummies need to write and tell Santa how many children were in a house so that he knew what presents to bring. I said that the letter must have been lost (rubbish I know but I was really on the spot).

They were in a constant state of excitment all through December with pantomimes, visits to Santa ect. I will never forget the wonder on their faces when they found their stockings.

Anyway I would say do what is normal tradition in your family. Maybe you could explain that all families are differant and have differant traditions. Ask her if there is anything special she would like to add to the festivities.

I bet she has a wonderful time, so will you. That's what make fostering so great. Giving children special memories that they can use themselves one day with their own families.

[tegan]

my dd1 is the same age and she has asked for a bmx, my mum is getting her a pocket camcorder but other than that she will have money for clothes shopping and itunes vouchers

[nemofish]

I'm in the same boat with dsd(13yo).

iTunes voucher is a possibility
Topshop / New Look voucher

Other than that I am stuck...

Dh has bought her some bits from ebay, a hooded top and two t-shirts, and some iron on glittery letters and graphics.

Does your foster daughter like bath stuff / shower goodies?

Btw fantastic job you are doing fostering, I was 'unoffically' fostered from the age of 14 and I have many happy Xmas memories with my foster family! But what made Xmas with them was the happy atmosphere, and the complete absence of my drunk / abusive parents

[bellavita]

My neice has just gone 14 and last year she got things like UGG boots, I-Tunes vouchers, I-Pod Touch, Jack Wills clothing, bath & make up stuff.

[nelliesmum]

Primark vouchers wrapped around a box of maltesers.

They all LOVE Primark.

[nelliesmum]

and Maltesers!

[Northernlurker]

My dd is 12 and she likes bath stuff and shoes and bags and chocolate. Also cds, art stuff and jewellery.

I have to say that reading this thread and thinking about the kids who are with you lovely ladies and so geting something like a 'proper' Christmas which they've never had before really has choked me up. I know it's only September but all festive wishes for the season of peace and joy to you all

[babytinkabell]

Thanks so much for all your replies. Dolphin13 and Nemofish, thanks a million for sharing your stories as well. It's great to hear from other foster carers and people who have been fostered themselves as children. Northernlurker, thanks for your comment, it was lovely. We've only been fostering a short time but we get so much more out of it than we put in. We love having our foster d here, she's great.

Really looking forward to having her here for Christmas. Does anyone know a website where you can buy personalised Christmas stockings by the way? We have them for our kids but I need to get one for her as well.

[dolphin13]

Thankyou northernlurker


Try the studio catalogue (08713 769 933) they do personalised everything

[jetcat]

baby, just to share my own experience. My first proper Christmas was with my foster parents when i was 14. I was completely overwhelmed by what they had got for me (i had actually been removed from that placement 4 days before Christmas, but they still gave me the pressies) and was unable to really show how happy i was. To this day, they still comment on how crap they felt at not having much money and therefore not being able to buy much, where as i remember a whole sofa full of pressies, and not knowing how to respond (wasnt a huggy type of person).

So, i think as you are thinking of her even now - 3 months before the big day, shows how hard you are going to try and make it special for her. But, my reason for posting is to say please dont feel bad if she doesnt respond in a way you expect

[jetcat]

Oh, and ideas for presents then

I have a 13 yr old as well, and all i can think of at the moment for her is some clothes vouchers, with a session with a personal shopper as i she doesnt have much fashion sense