"Feeling stressed? Then blame your mother"

[WorkingBling]

Honestly. I want to scream. This is a headline in The Times today. The story is ahead of a programme called "countdown to life" which looks at affect of what mothers do on unborn children.

I don't dispute the findings - eg that women being stressed affects the baby. But I am so tired of women being blamed for everything. The example is women caught in a terrible storm in Canada and the corresponding stress they felt and how it affected the babies. Great. But unless you plan to keep women in a coma, allowing them to wake only for food and exercise (carefully regulated, obviously), what do you think you are going to do to fix this? The article rather half heartedly talks about how it shows how important it is to identify women who need more emotional and mental support when pregnant blah blah blah. But what about the women whose partner walks out when he finds out she's pregnant? Or the one who is self employed and needs to earn money in a stressful job yo feed the baby and her family? Or the one who suffers great personal tragedy while pregnant? Or even just the one who is naturally highly strung and gets stressed being asked what she wants to drink?!

Why is so much scientific research being done that seems to g designed to arrack women? Let's research how babies can be supported in their first 3 years so that they all get equal chances.

I am really angry right now n

[pklme]

Being aware of the science of it isn,t the same as blaming women for it. It would be like blaming a mum for a disability caused by exposure to chicken pox or something.
And yes, society needs to support unborn and young babies and toddlers by reducing the stress on their mothers.

[Anniegetyourgun]

unless you plan to keep women in a coma, allowing them to wake only for food and exercise (carefully regulated, obviously)

For Heaven's sake don't give the buggers ideas!

[NiNoKuni]

I hear you Working. DS is nearly 15 weeks old and the main thing I've learned about motherhood (yannow, outside of loving him and nappies and stuff) is that it means guilt, lots of it, heaped on you from all directions, no matter what you do or don't do.

I was watching that pregnancy TV show (forget what it's called) that's been on the last few weeks. This male scientist blithely going on about what mothers eat affecting foetal development. And I was just sat there going, yeah, you pontificate about something you'll never ever experience or be blamed for. It's so easy for you.

I think awareness of the science is fine, but using it as another stick to beat pregnant women with is not on. And that's how these things usually turn out, isn't it?

[squidzin]

Why is "science" is never directed on how men's behaviour impacts on a developing foetus?.

How about more research into the impact of male support towards their pregnant partner and how that effects an unborn child.

Women are ipso-facto the supporters of unborn life. Men can opt in or out at will. This is never scrutinized.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

I'll confess I haven't seen the Times today.

I get where you are coming from but you can't expect people not to show the results of research just because you feel it's attacking women.

Hopefully the program will put things accross in a way that doesn't make women feel guilty. As you said loads of stresses people encounter are entirely out of your control.

[ChunkyPickle]

I think it's a terrible headline - but the research itself isn't bad.

I was heartened to see the responses from people on my Facebook page to someone suggesting that pregnant women should be banned from smoking too since we're banning people from smoking in cars with minors.

In fact, I really, REALLY wish that people would read the research (one of my particular annoyances was disapproving looks if I drank any booze and those patronising icons on the side of wine/beer containers - despite all the research saying it's fine occasionally)

[Elendon]

It's total crap. When I asked for help regarding my autistic son not speaking, I was told it was because of my accent. When I pointed out his two sisters had no problem with this, I was met with silence. It's pseudoscience. I fought hard to get him all the help he needed. I never gave up!

He is doing well now and is a lovely young man, who has just started his GCSEs. I'm very proud of his achievements (as is his dad, sisters, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, friends, cousins and anyone else who knows him). I'm also proud I stood up for him and supported him when he most needed it. :-)

[OddBoots]

There is plenty of research into the epigenetic inheritance from the paternal line too (including stress) but that gets less attention in the media, I wonder why.

[AftosPouEinaiDeMasHezeisRe]

Elendon - who told you that?

Why on earth would anyone think that a mother's accent, heard from birth by a child, and therefore the most familiar and natural accent for the child, would cause speech problems?!

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

I think there was an old theory into the cause of autism that was called "refrigerator mother."

It's completely discredited now and I think it's a really insulting theory. I think it more or less suggests that a child develops autism because their parent (the mother - obviously). Was very cold toward their child so they weren't nurtured correctly.

Like I said, horrid theory, put all of the blame onto the mother and has been utterly discredited now.

[Elendon]

I know Atos, it was shocking to hear. I was trying to tell the health visitor that my son was not responding socially to verbal cues, but he knew his ABC off by heart and repeated it constantly, and I was dismissed with it was because of my accent.

I would like to add though, that women who are in abusive relationships often find this out when they are pregnant. Whether it be financial (as it was in my case), or verbally or physically. And this can lead to stress in the woman. Whether these external, emotional factors have anything to do with the 'emotional' upbringing of the child is something that possibly can never be quantified.

[DiscoGoGo]

What OddBoots said.

Like the stuff about the impact of older fathers on conceiving / successful pregnancies / question marks around higher prevalence of certain conditions and so on. Which may well be what epigenetics means

If it's to do with children then there's always something wrong and it's always the fault of women.

This whole thou shalt not in pregnancy thing is just founded in a really basic desire to control women's behaviour.

[DiscoGoGo]

And to punish them obviously.

You can't actually do everything "right" in pregnancy, there are too many things and some of them would mean you'd have to entirely remove yourself from normal society.

Reminds me of rape tips actually, same thing, here's a great list of things that you have to do, even though many of them will mean that you are severely restricted or actually need to remove yourself from society. Not doing all of them? Well here's some guilt and some worry. Something goes wrong? Well, told you so, HA!

Exactly the same actually, isn't it.

[Elendon]

WhenShe

I have heard of 'refrigerator mothers' with regard to autism. It hurt me deeply and is, as you so rightly point out, an insulting theory.

I'm off now to get my son to do his homework. Thank you all for your replies.

[AftosPouEinaiDeMasHezeisRe]

Oh yes, I have also been blamed for my son's SN. It used to really upset me, but I shrug it off now and chalk it up to ignorance and thoughtlessness.

[PlaysWellWithOthers]

You'd be surprised at how tenacious the refrigerator mother theory is, actually.

I was told that DS2 was autistic because I had been cold and unresponsive toward him as a tiny baby. That his ASD was my fault. By a psychiatrist. In CAMHS.

Wasn't that long ago, and it's still in DS2's notes from that time.

[Elendon]

Aftos, sorry for misspelling your name.

It is ignorance and thoughtlessness. I shrug daily!

[PlaysWellWithOthers]

Just in case...

I wasn't cold and unresponsive to him, I had to babywear him before that became a thing because he couldn't bear to be put down, constantly talked and sang to him.... so the cold thing was a bit of a slap in the face.

[AftosPouEinaiDeMasHezeisRe]

PlaysWell

Don't worry, we all understand how it is. I would not have assumed you were cold and unresponsive!

One wonders if there is actually anything we mothers can do right, we are so busy getting it all wrong.

[DiscoGoGo]

The "science" seems to go

Hmm something not quite right here
Is it related to anything women have anything to do with?

OK right let's get some working theories around how it's all women's fault and then do some studies to try and prove ourselves right.

Also even if the studies are not conclusive we should not get too worried if the likes of the Mail picks up our hypothesis (women are shit and also horrible probably selfish and stupid too) and prints it in a massive big headline even if our hypothesis isn't supported in any conclusive way by the actual findings.

[Elendon]

Plays, that's awful: you are a good mother.

One more thing. I thank goodness none of my daughters were on the spectrum. Getting a girl diagnosed, because of so called, 'gender norms' is well nigh impossible - they will be given a non specific disorder. I say this because I know two parents of girls who might well be autistic (but they cannot get the diagnosis). They still get support though.

[PlaysWellWithOthers]

Agreed, ASD often presents completely differently with girls.

It's a bloody minefield.

And thank you Aftos and Elendon. I am very proud of the young man he's becoming.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

plays you sound like a great mum.

disco I honestly torn on whether or not "scientists" are looking to blame women or if it's more an issue of shit reporting. Journals need eye catching headlines and "blame your mother" does draw the eye.

[DiscoGoGo]

I do think that when things go "wrong" with anything to do with reproduction, women are scrutinised first aren't they? They always have been historically.

Maybe you are right and it's the reporting that's the issue. OTOH the scientists who formulate the hypotheses come from the same society as the rest of us...

Dunno.

[DiscoGoGo]

Like all this, what's it called, the evolutionary stuff? That seems to take a starting point of "women and like this and men are like that" and then try desperately to prove why women are like this and men are like that. And then when someone says, hold on, women aren't like that & etc there's a bit of a problem.