My work (like many firms) is very 'networking' focussed. It's important and we should appaee do lots of it. But there's a problem:
As a woman in an almost exclusively male environment I find this really hard! I do get invited to and do attend all the team dos and group drinks. But I'm sort of on the sidelines as soon as the semi-private stuff and one-on-one drinks come into play.
I've always maintained (and my more attuned male co-workers actually agree) that business networking is basically a type of flirting a lot of the time. The thing is, if I as a single woman do it to male co-workers for this adds a whole bunch of complications.
The guys either feel this might be slightly inappropriate and back away (usually with a friendly excuse) or they're just a tad too eager. Point in case: every time I have gone for a drink with a co-worker and noone else they seem to have considered this a date and were disappointed when I wasn't into where this was headed. When the guys call up a work friend to accompany them to some event it's never me but often one of the junior male colleagues.
The thing is: attending a local event with your boss and then just so happening (yeah, right!) to run into their boss's boss and talking business is how careers are made and those infamous old boys' networks are formed in the first place. I already work twice or three times as hard to be taken seriously in a very male dominated field (company employs some 7% women in my division, most of them support staff). I'm brilliant at what I do but really tired of swimming and quite keen on a ride on that inflatable mattresse that the guys seem to get.
If you're in a similar situation: how do you deal with it? And what can be done in general to address this issue? I'd really like to move something and could do with some inspiration.
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions
Business networking while female ...
MagicalHamSandwich · 06/07/2015 18:30
Please excuse my crappy iPhone typing skills! 
Yes, you're right, it is a kind of flirting. The art is to gently flatter the boss and create a sense of intimacy - it's actually more like a courtesan than flirting between two people reciprocating, if you see what I mean. Easier done between straight guys (and if you were gay that would help, maybe look into it?! 
) than straight people of the opposite sex.
I think you need to not be put off by people making misassumptions about your drinks invitations (surely it's only some - like do all your married colleagues assume you want to cop off with them?). Maybe try to make clear in advance that this is friendly work drinks (which everyone does) not anything more dodgy. Could any of them become friends? That would make life a lot easier - I've worked in a male-dominated environment for 15 years so nearly all my friends are guys. I go out regularly with them, there's no hint of anything amiss. That said, since I stopped drinking several years ago I nearly always go out for coffee or lunch, both things which are inherently less 'flirty' than drinks. Might worth a thought?
They are probably also slightly wary of giving off the wrong vibes, hence asking another junior colleague to attend events rather than you - again, I think you need to be fairly direct and say 'I would have liked to have gone to that, I'd really appreciate it if you'd take me with you next time'. Very business like so no suggestion that you mean 'because I luuuuurve you' or anything!
Finally, you need to cultivate any women you can find - I'm guessing there are almost none in senior positions in the organisation? If you can find one, maybe ask her advice on this very topic - I want to network and build relationships with people without it being misconstrued.
I don't think they're stalking each other exactly. Or more like: the really senior ones have been stalked by the kind of senior ones for so long that they now actually consider them friends.
Golf is not really a thing in this circle thank goodness. Going to the sauna is, though. I'm not quite sure if I'm ambitious enough to consider exposure to naked upper management an acceptable price to pay for success ... 
The flirting thing I still think is kind of true, though: it's all about subtle flattery and creating a sense of intimacy on the end, isn't it? They obviously don't tell each other their eyes are a pretty shade of blue (would pay money for that, though). The peacocking around sporting achievements etc. really reminds me of stags in season at times, though ...
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