The Feminist Pub Mark, um, V? Anyway, come in and chat.

(1000 Posts)

As I claimed the last post on the previous thread, I suppose it's my duty to set out the chairs, plump the cushions, stoke the fire, polish the bar and line up the glasses for the next one. grin

Oh, and to clear up a possible miscommunication on my part, it was not in fact I who told LordCopper that women had to choose between a career and a family. Just to clear that up.

What's everyone drinking?

sad for you thats

Why can't you still use your talent? 43 is young, you still have at least half your time left?

UptoapointLordCopper Thu 27-Feb-14 14:02:35

thatswhatimtalkingbout sad But I agree with buffy that 42 is young. I'm 43 and have no intention to bow out yet. Can you get help in RL?

I remember watching Sound of Music a lot when younger. smile But DC don't seem to be taken by it. Re: the Baroness - she seemed to appear from nowhere and disappeared rather quickly. If I were her I might have decked the captain for leading me up the garden path. grin

thatswhatimtalkingbout Thu 27-Feb-14 14:18:31

Sorry to be a whingebag.

It's not that I am old but that I am middle aged and have never even started. I have never made any attempt to do what I am good at and now it is too late.

All this personal whining is rather out of place in feminist chat but I sort of feel that it is kind of relevant that I spent my whole youth worrying about weight and love (I don't mean love really, I mean a series of pathetically wasteful abusive relationships with men who thought I was a domestic / sexual appliance). I could weep when I look back at the tiny angsty preoccupations of my wasted life.
Now that I am older I am no longer so blatantly treated like one of the sex class, which is a relief in many ways, but it also slightly breaks my heart that it has taken me so long to see myself as a human being in my own right. I am not sure whether it is just living this long that has revealed this truth to me (that I am actually a person); or whether I am taking my cues from the world around me (not being constantly perved at and sexually appraised allows me the time off from doing it to myself). Either way - fuck! Where the fuck have I been all my life?

I think a lot of this is just post-viral nonsense. I really want to take some time off work and recover but I really can't. That is a whole other issue - over-work - and why there is so little life available for me to actually live

I could weep when I look back at the tiny angsty preoccupations of my wasted life

Don't look back and weep, look forwards and roar. Go on, ROAR! grin

Screw society that made you feel this way. Screw all those twats who used up your energy.

It's hard.

I know.

It's easy for me to sit here and type motivational words. Believe it or not, I also struggle with mental health and experience that panic of looking back. Actually, my panic isn't so much looking back, it's imagining looking back and thinking that I wasted my time. Which makes me stressed in the present trying to think what my future self will regret about how I'm choosing to spend my time today.

But goddamit, 42 is nothing. You can start today, one small thing. ROAR! Ok, just meeeeew?

flowers

DoctorTwo Thu 27-Feb-14 14:36:50

- The radicalism of "climb every mountain" - confront your fears, and be honest and lead an authentic life - great stuff - there is a sense in which the whole film is about not taking the path of least resistance,

You see this ^^ is brilliant. Channel that and you make a start. I sort of know what you're talking about, I should've done so much more with life, but haven't.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 27-Feb-14 15:13:44

Thatswhat, the pub is for all sorts of things, no need to apologise for being negative.

Keep reading Buffy's post till it hits home.

And if you like nuns - I recommend the novel "Daughter of Jerusalem" by Sara Maitland (in fact I heartily recommend Sara Maitland to all pub goers).

flowers

ReadyToPopAndFresh Thu 27-Feb-14 15:17:40

What advice would you give to a friend in similar situation thatswhatim?

Curl up and die? Give up? Bet you wouldn't! Try and think it through as though it's someone else.

grimbletart Thu 27-Feb-14 16:32:12

thatswhatim You are the same age as my DCs. One has just taken herself down a whole new career path. I have only just retired (I'm 70). In my mid 50s I took a huge risk and walked out on job and my pension to start my own business from which I only retired this year (and that was because of my DH's health issues, not because I am too old and knackered to work).

I'm only saying that to prove it can be done. Hackneyed I know, but carpe bloody diem. When you are down the only way is up.

Believe! And good luck smile

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 27-Feb-14 19:52:33

Oh Aphrodite!

Just got an invite to an IWD event. At which Eamonn Holmes will be chairing a "light hearted quiz" on Gender Intelligence - the science of communication.

Flash mob, anyone?

Why the fuck will that walking itching powder metaphor balloon faced, schoolboyesque buffoon be chairing a Gender Intelligence quiz? Couldn't they find a, you know, woman? On IWD?

Do you think it will be the Science of Communication a.k.a. stereotypes about women being empathetic and men being analytical?

UptoapointLordCopper Thu 27-Feb-14 20:31:46

What on earth is Gender Intelligence?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 27-Feb-14 20:45:02

Collette Dunkley is the UK’s leading expert in gender intelligence, marketing to women and founder of XandY Communications. She has spent eight years researching gender science and applying predictive behavioural differences to business practice. Through her work and programmes, Collette recalibrates traditional approaches in Marketing, PR, HR and Sales. The courses help clients market, communicate and sell differently to men and women. Before setting up XandY, Collette rose to Executive Board director with a number of global companies heading up Communications and Marketing in General Motors, Vodafone, Cable+Wireless, Barclays, NIE and the LibDems. Collette is a regular media commentator, writer and entertaining speaker. She advises global organisations and political parties on gender-related issues. She also lectures extensively in strategic communications.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 27-Feb-14 20:47:07

...apparently!

Seems the email puffed EH up as the Name, he's a panelist not the chair, the chair is Ben Spencer (whoever that is)

LurcioLovesFrankie Thu 27-Feb-14 20:54:18

Eurgh. I despair sometimes (frequently, in fact).

UptoapointLordCopper Thu 27-Feb-14 20:59:56

So gender intelligence is the exploitation of the social conditioning of people of both sexes?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 27-Feb-14 21:21:17

Yeah, that seems about right, LordC.

FloraFox Thu 27-Feb-14 22:39:40

YY *lordc"

legoplayingmumsunite Thu 27-Feb-14 23:06:26

I love all that genderised brain bullshit, I have never done a test where I haven't come out as a man. Because all people with scientific brains are men, obviously.

LurcioLovesFrankie Thu 27-Feb-14 23:21:03

Well, quite, lego. If I hadn't carried a baby for 9 months, I'd be seriously worried I was actually a bloke, what with all this maths and map reading and DIY skills and stuff that I'm good at (not forgetting the fact that my ring finger is longer than my index finger). Though I like to think that there's all those FTSE companies paying Colette wasserface shitloads of money to make stuff attractive to their female customers, and you and I come along like the proverbial spanners in the works and don't buy their pink glittery shit (or whatever they've done to re-brand themselves to make themselves attractive to the Laydeez).

legoplayingmumsunite Thu 27-Feb-14 23:32:21

not forgetting the fact that my ring finger is longer than my index finger

Oh I forgot that one, I pass that particular test as well.

Pink glittery shit is scary. If I hadn't worked with (intelligent and successful) women that love that stuff I would wonder how it sells.

ReadyToPopAndFresh Thu 27-Feb-14 23:32:54

Do you think she's responsible for "lady pens" and those little chocolates that have the closeable wrappers in case a lady can't finish a whole one?

I'd quite enjoy that flash mob.. Can we pelt her with pens?

LurcioLovesFrankie Thu 27-Feb-14 23:55:58

"those little chocolates that have the closeable wrappers in case a lady can't finish a whole one"

I hadn't come across this. Yet another thing to add to my ever-growing list of "Thank fuck I'm not a lady" things.

UptoapointLordCopper Fri 28-Feb-14 09:25:51

I remember the "lady pens" - the amazon reviews were brilliant. grin

It's the idea that a person is either feminine if you are a woman or masculine if you are a man. Betrays a serious lack of imagination and serious lack in any skills of observation. If Society was my student I would give it an "E--, could do better".

Lots of otherwise intelligent idiots buy into it though. angry

My ring finger is longer than my index and on the male / female tests, I come out as a man with Aspergers grin. And I am remarkably crap at maths, almost to the extent of dyscalculia.

<defies categorisation>

UptoapointLordCopper Fri 28-Feb-14 09:42:33

I'm rather good at maths but a bit rubbish at arithmetic. Many mathematicians I know are like that.

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