Revenge Porn

[AntiJamDidi]

A young woman I know has recently been the victim of a former male "friend" of hers showing all his mates naked pictures that he says are of her.

She is adamant that it is not her but someone else and that she has never sent him naked pictures of herself or been in a position that he could take naked pictures of her. I believe her. The police are currently involved and are taking it very seriously but I'm not sure what will come of it.

My question is: does it really matter if it is her or not? What he has done is awful and has affected her deeply, so is it worse if it's not her and he's made it up?

My first instinct was that yes it matters. It makes a difference to her that she has absolutely no control over this situation at all, she did nothing that she could conceivably say "lesson learnt, I won't do that again" and yet so many people think that she did which adds to the embarrassment. Dp thinks it doesn't matter whether it is her or not as his intent was to hurt and embarrass her and either way he's achieved his aim.

Help me gather my thoughts about this.

[TheDoctrineOfWho]

Um.

Well personally I'd prefer it slightly if faked pictures of me rather than real ones were being used in this way, but the guy who has done this is just as much of a scumbag either way. And that's where the focus should be: That scumbag has deliberately tried to embarrass and upset someone.

[TheDoctrineOfWho]

[AntiJamDidi]

Yes, I fully agree that he is a complete scumbag either way.

I'm more concerned about the way other people are talking about it though. Quite a few of the people who have talked to me about it have said something along the lines of "well what did she expect, sending him naked photos of herself, of course they were going to get out", so people are doing the slut-shaming thing which she's having to deal with on top of them thinking these photos are her.

I'd prefer it if the photos weren't me as well, but I'd want everyone to KNOW that they weren't me.

[TheDoctrineOfWho]

Oh bloody people.

One would expect the person one is sexually intimate with to behave like a decent fucking human being, that's what one would expect.

Hate bullshit slut shaming.

[TheDoctrineOfWho]

[AntiJamDidi]

I'm frothy with rage too. I really want to string the bloke up by his bollocks but I have to deal with him in a work-related way reasonably regularly so I still have to behave professionally.

She seems to have completely changed her personality over the past few weeks since this happened :( She's gone from being really bubbly and confident to being quiet and hiding from people :( She's going for her first counselling session later this week so we're hoping she'll get some help there, and she says it feels helpful that the police have taken her seriously (more seriously than some of her own family ffs )

[TheDoctrineOfWho]

You are entitled to be on the icy side of professional here. I am glad the police are taking it seriously. I wish everyone else did too.

Imagine he was a racist scumbag sharing real or mocked up photos of, say, brutality under apartheid. People would shun him. What a total cock.

[DadWasHere]

Damn. What an evil piece of work that man is. It does not matter to others whether the photos are genuine or not because people will make up their minds regardless of reality. People always do that.

To her on the other hand it would be quite profoundly different. If they are not her then she can only keep saying that regardless of whether she is believed or not. But if they are in fact of her and she has chosen the path of denial to others, then that is a potentially a huge can of worms because she will shoulder the burden of lying to people, and the ones who believe her- she will feel she has betrayed them trying to protect herself. That would be a natural but potentially very bad reflex choice of self preservation. That could haunt her.

[MiniMonty]

Why are the police involved ?

A few tacky pictures on a phone are unlikely to Rozzers all excited.

[TheDoctrineOfWho]

I expect it's harassment or a similar offence, mini. It's not the photos per se, it's the way in which he is using then.

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

Of course the police should be involved

I hope your friend gets some justice, OP. What a piece of shit this man is.

[TheDoctrineOfWho]

I expect it's harassment or a similar offence, mini. It's not the photos per se, it's the way in which he is using then.

[AntiJamDidi]

I'm not quite sure what the offence is, but the police are taking it seriously and there is talk of prosecuting him. I imagine it is some form of harassment that they are planning on charging him with but I'm not sure. Who else would you suggest that she asks for help with dealing with this deeply unpleasant experience?