So .. bye? DUNNO!

(38 Posts)
StickEmUp Tue 20-Aug-13 13:29:07

So really truly, I don't expect anyone to CARE pe se, but maybe some understanding would be nice. If not, no biggie!

In a few short months I went from 'What is feminism' to 'I'm a radfem'.
I think at this point I am changing back to 'StickEm'

Over the months of research I've done, I've found out some terrible things all over the planet for no other reason than 'Vagina'.
I've pondered it. I've discussed this with friends, who going by RF thinking, hate women. These were my friends! 'Yes to anon for rape accusees'
WHAT! I know!
I did some really REALLY low level experiments. Not wearing make up. Not shaving my legs (pathetic I know).
It felt, good but weird (not to mention a waste of the thousands of pounds of slap I have grin )

I can't actually go on for long about it, but after some careful thought I have decided: Leave it.

Am I a bad person? MAYBE Can I emotionally handle the conversations I seem to have and read around this subject. No.

I am truly thankful for all the Feminist wisdom from this board, my eyes are open and I cannot close them totally - it just feels like a bad dream I can't wake from.

Can I be a feminist' without doing anything?

Can I?

On a similar note, although she is on a whole other level to me, Femonade recently blogged she's giving it up to (probably)



Boosterseat Tue 20-Aug-13 19:52:21

Please don't go!

I love it here, I don't have much opportunity to hear any intelligent discussion IRL. The articulacy of the posters here combined with 1st hand experience keeps me fighting to call people up on their shit and when you do come across the type of person who just cannot accept that there is inequality, I just box them off into the people I can't take seriously category and move on.

But I do try not to take myself too seriously grin

We have cake

StickEmUp Tue 20-Aug-13 20:23:24

To be honest, it's not just about MN but the whole thing.
I've had my eyes opened and they stink. There is no antidote for that.

However. I can behave differently towards the things I don't like, and take all I have learnt to my own existence. However, trying to change everything else isn't helping my spirit.

I can berate people every now and again though. grin

Maybe try setting up a page if you're feeling like you still want to be 'active' but can choose how active/when you participate.

I get so frustrated with it sometimes and wish I didn't see things the way I do sometimes, just for a break!

I set up a facebook page a few years back that now has almost 5000 likes and plenty of people post/discuss on it, even if i'm not taking part, which makes me feel like i'm still involved even though I'm now a mum and very busy and not really able to do much outside of the home/my job.

Also agree with living what you believe. You'll always be 'active' if you live like that.

LynetteScavo Tue 20-Aug-13 21:12:28

I don't dye my hair, I don't think I should have to look younger, men don't

Er, many do, though.

And yes, just live what you believe.

TheDoctrineOfJetlag Tue 20-Aug-13 21:39:27

You don't have to fight every day, or even every week. Tis ok.

TheDoctrineOfJetlag Tue 20-Aug-13 21:41:34

<wonders if LRD knows the kind of academic bloke who takes up a deliberatlely controversial position on something he has no emotional investment in just for the pleasure of being "intellectual" where others are passionate>

MiniTheMinx Tue 20-Aug-13 21:48:10

I have days too when I feel so tired and more recently days when I wonder what its all about, partly I think because my own experiences throughout life are not reflected by what I read. Logically, rationally and intellectually I know women are not enjoying freedom and equality especially outside of white middle class Western experience. I know too that thousands of women are being subjected to violence in their own homes and intimidation out of their homes in the UK irrespective of class, education and other opportunities. But being bloody lucky, as I am, I sometimes have trouble because what I hear doesn't accord with my own experiences. So I struggle but differently.

I have read a fair bit of Femonade and to be honest, if I really reflected on some of it and stewed on it I would more likely wan't to give in completely and jump off a tall building. It's grim. Its also cultish and untheoretical, ungrounded and full of polemical diatribe (IMO) I think we have alot to thank early radical feminists for, the rantings of Femonade are thankfully not the sum and total of what radical feminism has to offer women. Unfortunately it is one of the first points of contact for many women new to feminism and it either proves to be far too grim, tapping into our empathy to a point that the reading is too painful or it simply scares people away. I also think this brand of common RF espoused by the non-academic angry woman is also stoking up almost all the antagonisms we now see towards feminism sad

I second what others have said StickEmUp about going easy on yourself, we can't undo two thousand years of inequality in two but we can all do our own little bit, even if it seems quite unradical such as supporting micro-businesses in Africa or supporting refugee women here in the UK, or helping friends out and supporting other women at work. No arguing, no tearing asunder, just small acts that benefit others, in this way you can at least feel rewarded rather than just raw with emotion. I would also question whether its ever easy to just turn back and forget everything you have discovered, I know I couldn't.

Take care and hope to still see you around x

SinisterSal Tue 20-Aug-13 21:58:26

I get what you mean StickEmUp, I feel the same, and am sick and tired sometimes. I suppose doing 1 tiny little thing occassionaly is better than doing nothing. So do what you can, when you can?

So er...yeah...

Wonderstuff Tue 20-Aug-13 23:37:21

I find it difficult on these threads to articulate as well as I'd like, I need to read more I think..

I know though that I am a feminist, I don't do I am, I want equality with men, I am aware we live in a patriarchal society, that life is less than fair. For me it's about awareness, informed choice, raising my daughter to be as equipped as she can be, raising my son to see women as his equals. I could not give up feminism, it is, alongside other deep felt beliefs, part of who I am.

Make-up, hair, clothes; I do think of them and my values inform my decisions, not just feminist values, but they are key I think. Women are judged on their looks in a different way to men, the expectations on us are higher than the expectations on men, which doesn't mean that there aren't men who spend a lot of time and effort on their appearance, there are. It is totally comparable with feminism to spend a huge amount of time and money on your looks IMO. I don't want to spend the time every day to make myself up, so I don't, and I am going quite grey, which does make me look older, and I'm OK with that, I am getting older and I don't feel I have to conceal that, so I'm not going to dye my hair. I don't care what anyone else does really. I do try hard not to judge others on appearance.

I was just trying to give a couple of examples of my behaviour that I thought relevant to the OP. I don't think you can give up feminism, it had never occurred to me that you could. I find the feminist boards on here hard though, more thinking involved than elsewhere on MN.

Wonderstuff Tue 20-Aug-13 23:39:21

Compatible not comparable. Need to learn to spell.

AnyFucker Tue 20-Aug-13 23:44:10

I have days, and weeks, where I feel like it's all just a monumental waste of energy

I have a bit of a history of despondent "Why the fuck am I bothering" posts on here

So I take a bit of a break, keep on doing what pleases me and stuff everyone else

if it involves shaving, plucking or painting so fucking what

if it involves closing my ears for a bit and just not engaging with the fuckwits around me, so be it

stay true to yourself, you won't go far wrong (cheesey, but true)

and before you know it, your batteries are recharged and you are doing your bit to challenge the bad stuff again smile

YoniTime Wed 21-Aug-13 10:25:15

No one can be an activist or think about difficult stuff 24/7. It's exhausting! One person can also not change all the things in the world at the same time (this how I feel a lot) It's neccessary to to take it easy and enjoy things like cakebrewwineflowers and recharge batteries to do more difficult work and thinking.

StickEmUp Wed 21-Aug-13 19:11:53

Thanks all for the kind words.

I think it's not so much a break, but the notion I had to be a radfem activist in my sleep. I ended up dreaming about it.

I know, I'm crazy.

I don't have to be perfect all the time... and for the lurkers, feminism didn't tell me I had to be... I told myself.

I've been having a weird time of it lately, and being make up free was also an ode to mild depression I've been feeling.

I'm definitely more perky now and after this thread.

The Truth shall set you free.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now