how do you speak up at work without e ending up doing a ranty outburst?

(11 Posts)
leonardofquirm Fri 09-Aug-13 23:43:51

I have to listen to a lot of casual sexism and misogynistic crap at work.

When I do get fed up and speak out I have generally bottled it up for a bit as I can't always articulate what I'm trying to say well (too nervous).

I fizz quietly to myself, feeling too intimidated to tell them to STFU!

I actually did point out how bad a particular conversation was the other day, it was brought up as a bit of a joke later as in "you'd better not say that in front of Leonard".

All I said was along the lines of "there's no way you'd be saying that if it was about a man", I guess they didn't really have an answer.

Any tips on being articulate and not crazy sounding? grin

antimatter Fri 09-Aug-13 23:49:16

where is the team leader/HR in all of it?

mollycuddles Fri 09-Aug-13 23:51:30

Misogynists always say its ranty nagging
Who cares what they think?
It's their justification for not wising up and moving on from the 1930s
Keep speaking out
Eventually a culture can change.

leonardofquirm Sat 10-Aug-13 00:02:26

The managers are in an office far far away. . .well in another building.

We are a fairly self contained team and are mostly managed from a distance IYSWIM.

We are about 50:50 male female and the main offenders are the over 40 make continent actually. It probably wasn't like that in their day you know. grin

The other issue is that no one really speaks out (including me quietly fizzing most of the time) so it's totally accepted and any complaint isn't taken seriously.

Sometimes the wrongness just makes me Grr!

leonardofquirm Sat 10-Aug-13 00:03:41

Contingent not contingent.

leonardofquirm Sat 10-Aug-13 00:05:28

Oh now autocorrect gets it right.

Must get some sleep before small person wakes up (again).

Thanks for listening.smile

antimatter Sat 10-Aug-13 00:36:16

I would record it and send said record to a fat away Team manager
perhaps cc HR in your second email.
This will work I promise grin

EBearhug Sat 10-Aug-13 22:17:30

I'd record it and tell managers. Also, might be worth asking HR if they have any courses on harassment awareness or anything.

Things won't change if you don't speak out.

skrumle Sun 11-Aug-13 10:47:50

practice. you'll know the kind of comments they are likely to make - so decided how you want to reply and practice. up to you whether you want to go for calm and intimidating or light-hearted and jokey but either way brevity is good.

and depending on your work situ you may not want to take the advice above right now about reporting to managers/HR, but i'd start to keep a record of it so if you do want to do something in future you'll be clearly making a serious complaint about ongoing harassment, not just "losing the rag over a joke".

AlpacaLunchYoubringyourbooster Mon 12-Aug-13 10:35:28

I work in a very similar environment where some of the women can be worse than the men [sigh]

Standard Booster replies are:

Did you learn that from your cave drawings?
Oh so you read the daily mail?
How enlightened, do you also send children up chimneys?
Interesting, being a woman I need you lot to tell me how to think, ta very much.
Accompanied by hmm face each time.

Its getting better because I don't tolerate it anymore plus i have angry little person syndrome, I can get quite fierce grin

BeCool Mon 12-Aug-13 17:25:23

I'm not subject to very much at work now - but I have been in the past.

I didn't bottle it up. I addressed it every single time (and still do - just called by niece out over comments on FB "I'm not being racist but ...." type of thing).

I use all kinds of devices and way of speaking and faces etc - depending on the person, the situation, the context. I'm not on a crusade here and I like most of the people I work with. But if I hear it of see it, I call it. No seething then required.

These 40+ guys are "getting away with it" like they always have done & they aren't even in the majority in your office. Call them on it, shame them and if you have to get HR involved. You don't have to put up with this shit.

In fact you did address them once and they took notice. Good - they notice you, they heard you!. Keep at em - you can change your work environment. Imagine a day when you get through without any sexist crap at work! Let that spur you on.

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