Mumsnet Talk

not the same thing at all

that was to the op

Well I agree with you Custardo.

I had no idea that it was an upsetting term for some women.

Seriously until today I hadn't clocked any argument about it.

And I won't use it if people say it's triggering.

So are Mumsnet going to come down hard on the use of Cry Rape then?

Surely 'stabby' is along the same lines though. That's constantly used on mn.

I loathe the word. It absolutely does trivialise an horrific thing, and turns it into some kind of joke, therefore making rape (or 'rapey behaviour') almost appear acceptable and funny.
Please stop using it.

I admit I am a culprit on a thread for using the term 'cry rape'. I didn't realise it was offensive. If I had I wouldn't have used it. And I don't like the word 'rapey' either. Though I don't even know what it means and haven't heard it before. It sounds horrible.

As in:

"That man, he looks a bit rapey, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, well creepy".

I don't know, I've never thought of "stabby" as relating to anything to do with actually stabbing someone, I've only heard that as a term to refer to a short or angry attitude.

However I am fine to be shown I am wrong?

Well it does a bit Olivia thank you.

I'll be reporting all uses of the term Cry Rape from now on.

I think stabby is one of those things which you wouldn't use if you thought it might upset someone - if they had a friend who had been stabbed a while ago or something, no?

In general I don't think it's offensive, but of course it could become so depending on context.

Loops, it's interesting what you say about creepy - MRA's get very upset about the use of that term, because it's nebulous and a "code" which women use to warn each other about men.

I remember reading a whiney article about it but I can't remember where it is.

I don't especially like the term 'rapey', but I don't see how it's worse than any alternative.

I am really surprised if you offended religious people because I've never once seen you say anything I'd have thought was offensive that way.

I always assumed rapey meant someone whose actions, attitudes or beliefs upheld the rape culture women live in. The opposite of frivolous tbh.

<shrugs> Clearly I was wrong.

Fastidia - whiney article is here.

Note that in the circumcision thread, Zippy1111 introduced the word "whiny" himself:
Please hear me out instead of dismissing this post as a "whiny MRA post"

A fair number of us were willing to hear him out, but not to absolve him from sending a, you know, that kind of post.

Its not a term I've used or heard before, but context is everything and if its deemed too offensive to be used on MN then its the first I've heard of it. Based on the posting history of the OP, I'd be astounded if it was meant to dismiss women's experiences.

Posts dismissing MRA bollocks or criticising religion are hardly new for MN and not deleted as a matter of course from what I've seen.

Can we call them Mysogynist Rape Apologists then?

Or even Misogynistic Rape Apologists?

I don't think that article linked to is particularly whiny: I think the author makes some fair points. It's not wrong to want sex, or want a particular kind of sex, and it isn't wrong to ask for sex, just as long as you take no for an answer (and aren't asking in a situation any reasonable person would consider inappropriate, such as in the middle of a business meeting, at a funeral, or with someone you literally met three seconds ago at an ordinary (ie not sex-related) social event).

<Arf> at SGB's list of inappropriate venues for a sexual proposition.

Funeral would definitely be up there.

OliviaMumsnet Why is 'rapey' beyond the pale? Weird

Since a quarter of women are raped, and only a tiny percentages of rapist men are made accountable for their raping - these men who rape with impunity do in fact go about their business as usual. They do ordinary things - like brush their teeth, go to work, post on Mumsnet, etc.

When a man expresses hostile masculinity, or an organised group of men express hostile masculinity - showing a fear of feminists and a desire to discredit us, or aggressively pushing an agenda to silence victims of rape (pushing rape myths such as false accusations in a feminist forum), or silence victims of DV or CSA (using bollocks terminology like 'parental alienation syndrome' etc) - then surely such behaviour is so conducive to maintaining a rape culture that the shorthand 'rapey' is most appropriate? I thing MNHQ the kind of posts you should really be deleting are the ones that bang on about 'false accusations' not those naming the perpetrator.

I find it very sinister indeed that the MRAs are able to manipulate MN like this

So how about other extremist groups like the EDL? Would a post get deleted for naming them as the violent thugs they are. As a test here - The EDL are violent, racist thugs. Is this going to be deleted...

Or perhaps it is the changing of 'rape-culture-reinforcement-suggesting-a-vested-interest-that-looks-personal-and-a-bit-frightening' to 'rapey' that is the problem.

So perhaps if I say the EDL are 'violentish' that will be the real step too far..

I am unable to get where MNs line is here. MRAs are an extremist group FFS and their members troll around on MN all the time. Doesn't that concern HQ a bit?

Oh BTW someone's post was deleted recently for using 'rape-apologist' so sorry - too far for MN I'm afraid.

When my ex raped me, I certainly didn't report it to the police by saying "Hello. My ex got a bit rapey tonight".

I think that would have been trivialising it a little, no?

But hey, if you scored a point then, you know, knock yourself out.

Also, I don't think that because some is a "MRA" it follows that they are rapists. Or even a bit "rapey".

I reported a post on a thread recently when a very obvious 'MRA type' said about women 'crying rape' - for contravening the I Believe You Campaign. They did remove the post - which I was pleased about. The term 'cry rape' is such an absolutely heinous expression to use - it does indeed buy into every rape myth going.

catgirl1976 "When my ex raped me, I certainly didn't report it to the police by saying "Hello. My ex got a bit rapey tonight""

Nobody said you did.

I think that would have been trivialising it a little, no?

In that context yes

"But hey, if you scored a point then, you know, knock yourself out."

What is that supposed to mean?

"Also, I don't think that because someone is a "MRA" it follows that they are rapists."

I agree with that, but I'm sure you'll find many rapists and rape-aplogists among them, as well as perpetrators of DV and CSA, as well as your common-or-garden misogynist antifeminist troll types.

"Or even a bit "rapey"."

Here I disagree, I believe the word describes a violating male sexual entitlement that makes me shudder- frequently expressed by MRAs or should I say MREs (Men's Rights Extremists) as one of their identifiable characteristics.

However, if you find the word 'rapey' to decribe things pertaining to the attitudes and culture which normalise rape, a trivialisation of actual rape, then apologies. But I feel in no way that MREs deserve any dispassionate even-handedness since they have nailed their woman hating colours to the mast and seek to attack women, women's rights and feminism.