'i never said yes' on BBC

[IAmBooyhoo]

has anyone seen this? i'm just about to watch it now on iPlayer.

[SweetTheSting]

No, was it good? I will try and get it on iPlayer tonight.

[swallowedAfly]

never saw it. is it good? i'll watch it later if so.

[SardineQueen]

It was on a bit late for me and TBH I try to avoid telly I know might upset me. Would be interested to hear if it was good though.

[widdles]

I caught bits of it but it wasn't telling me anything i didn't already know. It told of the mans perception on how women dress, drink and flaunt and that they are asking for it. Also how the cps fail to imprison men for such an horrific thing. Well worth a watch tho x

[allthegoodnamesweretaken]

Agree with Widdles, not groundbreaking at all if you are already clued up on women's rights and rape statistics, but hopefully will be a huge eye opener for those who are not.

[IAmBooyhoo]

yep same opinion here. it was all stuff i know already, but i have to say, before i joined MN and specifically the feminist section on MN i wasn't aware of just how much victim blaming went on. i think for anyone who doesn't actively involve themselves in or seek out conversation that discusses rape then this programme might have been quite an eye opener and perhaps kick started some people into thinking about their own prejudices concerning rape.

i'm glad i watched it. i have heard quite a few horrific stories from victims of rape on MN but actually seeing/hearing those women talking about the things the men said and did to them was awful. it really hit home just how much of an impact rape has on the victim.

i wasn't at all impressed with any of the answers given by the CPS representative TBH. and a bit annoyed that the programme seemed to focus only on rapes of young women/girls and that the only men interviewed for opinions were also late teens/early twenties. I almost felt like it was reinforcing the idea that rape only happens to young pretty girls who get drunk and wear revealing clothes. i would like to have seen them interview some men who don't believe the rape myths of she was drunk, she was flirting, she gave mixed signal etc. i think for those young men interviewed (and others like them) it would have made them realise that actually not all men think like you and it isn't excusable to have those opinions just because you think all men think the same. not sure if i'm being clear at all in my meaning.

i've lost my train of thought now trying to de-muddle that last bit in my head but i'll come back if i remember what i was going to say.

[sozzledchops]

IamBooyhoo. - those are all good points, you should send that to those who made the programme. I watched it and it wasn't pleasant and agree though that hopefully it will make some folk think and talk about it.

[IAmBooyhoo]

do you think so? i'm incredibly crap at writing. they'd probably laugh and pass the email round the office to wet themselves over at lunch.

[CailinDana]

I watched it. The idea behind it was good, but the presenter was awful and the constant shots of women in high heels and skimpy clothes subtly reinforced the myth that it is scantily dressed drunk women who get raped - by strangers of course. I think it was great to hear the stories of the women who were raped, but the piece at the end with the young guys made me feel sick. The first man to speak actually said a woman dressed in sexy clothes was leading a man on. The useless, giggly, simpering presenter didn't challenge him at all, and so the programme ended on that terrible note.

I think for something as serious as this the magazine style format just wasn't suitable. It was too jumpy and inarticulate and the important points - that most women are raped by people they know, and that rape is never the victim's fault - were lost among the constant late night, drunk women shots and the laughing men going on about how women tease them and never make it clear if they like them.

Overall I was very disappointed.

[IAmBooyhoo]

"the constant shots of women in high heels and skimpy clothes subtly reinforced the myth that it is scantily dressed drunk women who get raped -"

yes, i'm pretty sure i burst a few more blood vessels each time they showed the young girls in their wobbly stilettos. I could almost hear other viewers saying "well what do they expect when they dress like that?"

"The useless, giggly, simpering presenter didn't challenge him at all, and so the programme ended on that terrible note. "

yep, i agree with this. i was waiting for her to challenge the men by putting it to them that rape wouldn't happen if men didn't rape (as opposed to their opinions that rape happened because girls gave the wrong signals etc). very disappointed that she just nodded in understanding of their horrible excuses.

[IAmBooyhoo]

one of the comments from the young men that disgusted me was the one saying that men aren't lucky beings in that women dont come up to them and say 'let's go' [have sex]. this was how he was justifying that some men 'made mistakes'. in other words, it's too difficult to actually ask a woman if she wants to have sex with you so just have sex with her on the offchance that that's what she wants, because sometimes they do.

[limitedperiodonly]

It was lazy, unfocussed and the presenter was too emotional in her dealings with all her interviewees.

There were too many strands in it, horrible cliched shots of women in high heels and far too many shots of the presenter flouncing up and down corridors wearing her Angry Face.

[katiesname]

What limitedperiodonly said. Although, for someone who had no idea about these issues it wouldbe a useful eyeopener and conversation starter. Better we get these issues out in the open.

The thing that got me was that female representative who said something along the lines of it being hard to prosecute when there had been a night out, drink involved and one thing led to another... The male group who were questioned turned my stomach too. As did the comments about rape not always being violent.

The only time it wouldn't be violent is if the woman remained passive through the sheer and desperate fear of it all.

[katiesname]

I agree with you about the alternative views iambooyhoo A huge part of the problem is that this is currently portrayed as a them-and-us situation whereas there are plenty of men who can say that they have always had consent from a woman before having sex with them and that under no cicumstance would they do things any other way.