Asking DP for a ring

[JosieRosie]

I would really value other people's thoughts on this. DP and I have been together for over 6 years and are very happy. We have decided not to get married - that's a whole other thread!
My birthday is coming up in December and I would like to ask him to buy me a ring as a gift. I like jewellery and this would be something I would wear every day which would remind me of DP and our relationship. I don't want anything that looks like an engagement ring and I'm not thinking of anything very expensive e.g. no diamonds, for ethical and financial reasons.
On the one hand, I feel this is reasonable - we have no DCs and are doing ok financially so like to spoil each other for birthdays, I like jewellery and would like to have a special piece that reminds me of DP. However, a part of me feels that I should be buying my own damn jewellery and feeling uncomfortable with the whole idea of using a material object to signify love and commitment. Please help me get my head straight about this! Thanks

[southeastastra]

i asked for a ring for similar reasons. i don't see what's not feminist about asking for something like this for your birthday really.

[Wamster]

Don't think there is anything unfeminist about a couple buying things for each other. See nothing wrong at all with your idea.

[Hardgoing]

I don't think there's anything 'wrong' with having someone buy you a ring. However, the giving and receiving of rings is an integral part of the marriage/commitment ceremony, and does have a symbolic meaning in our society, so I wouldn't go there unless you are very sure your partner is happy to do so and will buy the ring with pleasure (rather than get into a whole issue of why you are not married).

[JosieRosie]

Thank you all! Hardgoing, you're right about the symbolism issue and you've got me thinking.... I think I will discuss it with him, rather than asking straight out. I would like an eternity ring so I will see how he feels about the symbolism of that. We're not married because I have huge problems with marriage from a feminist point of view, so the reasons are nothing to do with commitment IYSWIM. If I were going to marry anyone, it would definitely be him!

[PeanutGallery]

I don't see that it's any different to asking him to get you earrings, or perfume, or a tattoo, or something else that you could wear every day as a reminder of him.

Yes, rings come with loaded symbolism, which may be unwelcome to you. But I think you can choose to forget that symbolism, and choose for the ring to mean what you want it to mean.

(But then, I feel the same way about marriage. I think it is possible to make marriage mean what you want it to mean, and forget the sexist history and imagery.)

[JosieRosie]

I agree PeanutGallery - you can make of something what you want to. And you're right about marriage too - the only way it will change is if clear-headed people marry each other and choose to turn their backs on the history of misogyny. Some days that does sound tempting, but I'm yet to be convinced Thanks!

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

I don't see the issue at all - it'd only be a problem if he can't afford it/prefers to choose gifts off his own bat, or if you weren't prepared to buy him things he wanted. I think people buying each other presents is nice.