Fed up of (d)p's sexists comments. Am I just being over sensitive

[bigbuttons]

Dp has always made sexists comments and I know he believes many of them. I think he actually doesn't like or respect women very much. Of course his sexists comments are always just a joke
We have 3 sons and 3 daughters. Of course as the girls grow it worries me more and more.
This morning is a typical example of how he expresses his views.
Ds1 (12.5) dp and I were talking about the origins of pubs. I commented that in medieval times it was the women who did the brewing, not the men. Cue gaffawing from dp. I said surely it made no difference what sex the brewer was?
Ds then went to dp and they had one of those talking about you, but not so you can hear moments. Both laughing. I got cross with them. Dp said I was far too sensitive regarding the woman thing. He thought it was funny that women did the brewing because it meant women did the work whilst the men could sit around and drink.
Maybe I am sensitive, maybe his jokes are all innocent. But I suspect not and it worries me.

I do not really consider myself a feminist but I think he has a crappy attitude to women. He is always making jokey comments about women being useless at diy, driving, all the usual stuff. I don't want my daughters to be exposed to this.
Please tell me if I'm being totally over sensitive about all of this.
Btw our relationship is over, just waiting to move out.
Thanks

[TimeWasting]

Glad to hear you're making a move. No, you're not being oversensitive, he's a fool.

[TheProvincialLady]

It's not just your daughters you need to be worried about. Your sons are being affected by this too. Their future ability to have a meaningful relationship is being compromised. If I were you I would sit them down and explain to them about equality and respect in all aspects of life, and try and reinforce this in as many ways as you can in conversation. And just DO NOT ENGAGE with your ex, he is clearly trying to get a rise out of you and will just get more extreme to wind you up.

[bronze]

I was going to say i would be more worried for your sons than you daughters.
Ignore you ex and rise above him, he sounds like you will be well rid. Are all your cildren going to be with you?

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

He sounds very childish - I'd have to be incredibly pissed to fall about laughing over such a poor 'joke'. Although I think this is quite a typical sexist thing, to pretend it's all very funny so no-one can argue with you.

I'd be worried too. I'm guessing he has good points? Can you tell him how much he's annoying you and how important it is for you and your daughters?

(Btw, names that end in 'ster' were originally female, so it may be that names like 'Brewster' (=woman brewer) come from where a woman was the person who passed on her name to her family. If he thinks women making the beer is such a great idea, why not tell him fine, but what goes with it is accepting the woman as head of the household? )

[TrillianAstra]

He sounds very childish and irritating, I agree with LRD.

[bigbuttons]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply.

yes you are quite right about my sons. The eldest is 12.5 and does now seem to be turning to his father more than me. I suppose it is natural but I find it worrying. the next son is 11, but sensitive and aware the youngest just 4. he doesn't like his father anyway.
The girls are all sandwiched in the middle
I shall be talking to them all over time

Even though I don't think of myself as a feminist and do find many of the threads in this section heavy going. and a bit hard core I must say that it HAS made me think about my own responses to sexism. In the past I would have shrugged it off, but now I think about it. This can only be a good thing.

[bigbuttons]

Excuse crap punctuation .Now into second day of vomit and poo and temps of 4 of the kids, my brain has addled!

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

Oh, poor you, this is the last thing you need isn't it? Hope you/the kids feel better soon!

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

Hi bigbuttons, I don't think you are oversensitive at all. He is sexist and is trying to pass on this sexism to your children. I can't stand people who do this "as a joke" when you KNOW it's not. I mean, I could make racist comments about e.g. Chinese people and then pass it off as a joke, but it wouldn't occur to me to do so because I'm not racist. You don't think to say these things unless you are prejudiced.

Glad to hear you're leaving, and that this section has helped. Like most of MN, you take from it what you need rather than having to like/agree/understand it all IMO.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I'd see it less as an issue of sexism and more as an issue of bullying, belittling and disrespect. If the comments are a general 'women are crap at.. x...' that's really an attack on you, I would say. You being the nearest example. If he knows it needles you and does it deliberately, it supports the argument that it's bullying. Some men control their partners by criticising their appearance or their ambitions or their intelligence. He's gone for your gender because it's something you can't change and something you feel strongly about.