Approaching weight issues with relative

[HarrietK7]

Hi, I would appreciate others' views on a tricky topic.
My mother in law is very overweight and has put on a lot of weight over the last few years. We don't see her that often - she lives far away - but when we did see her recently we were shocked at how much more she had put on. She has problems with her legs (she says due to old sporting injuries but she must know that the weight isn't helping/ is the main cause of them being so bad) and so spends most of every day sitting on the sofa, and only ever goes out in the car - it doesn't help that she lives on a steep hill which she struggles to walk up. She doesn't eat junk food (as far as we know) but with so little activity just having portion sizes too big and the odd biscuit/ glass of wine etc seems to be having a cumulative effect and she's getting bigger and bigger. To make matters worse she's had a difficult time over the past year with her partner undergoing cancer treatment (he now has the all clear but it's put a lot of strain on their relationship).
It upsets my husband (and me) a great deal - his mother's life expectancy cannot be that great if things carry on as they are and she would miss out on our daughter growing up. However we're afraid that we'll just upset her/ make our relationship with her more difficult if we come out and say how worried we are. She's not stupid - she must know that there's a problem.
Do we just sit back and hope she works it out herself? Or is there anything we can do/ say that might help/ not make things worse?

[BelleateSebastian]

I think she is more than aware of her weight issues and no benefit is to be gained by mentioning it, I'm sure her gp will have discussed it with her.

The only way round it imo would be for you to join a slimming club if you need to lose anything and ask if she fancies it.

[MagratsHair]

The thing is about being overweight is its often not simply a question of eating too much. With many people there are emotional issues that drive overeating, which can be complex and numerous and if you mention their weight then they will feel humiliated and shamed and their first response will be defensive so a conversation will not get anywhere.

She will know she is overweight, of course she will know.

I'd agree with the previous poster that you should invent a reason for attending a slimming club but then if you live so far away it may not be possible. Perhaps invent an imaginary friend who lost 6 stones after a gastric band and drop it into the conversation then leave it, the seed may be sown.

Having been overweight myself I know the efforts it takes to lose weight, it takes discipline and it is difficult its really is not a question of just eating less. If anybody had ever mentioned I was fat and tried to discuss it I'd close the conversation down asap and it would be awkward for all involved. I'd think you would come across as patronizing and smug, no offence.