Expensive hen do

[dazzlingbrook]

My best friend is getting married soon and so plans for the big day are well under way. We have been throwing ideas around about her hen do and she has given her ideas for the party.
However plans are becoming more and more elaborate with costs for an individual topping £500 which will cover costs for drinks, food and an outfit (which unfortunately is needed due to the plans). There is scope for people to attend different activities on both days or to attend it all. I am very reluctant to spend my holiday budget on one weekend but I feel that should I back out of part of the weekend activities and only attend some, then it will cause issues given I am the bridesmaid and the expectation is that I will be there for the duration. Any advice would be welcome x

[quoteunquote]

madness, just madness.

[BartBaby]

You dont need to spend all that money to have a good time. And its less likely people will come if they need to spend so much. For mine we just went out for a meal and had some cocktails and then went bowling. Everyone had a great time and it didnt cost ridiculous amounts of money. I personally wouldnt go to a hen night where i needed to spend £250 let alone £500!

[overmydeadbody]

That is ridiculous. £500 per person? What exactly are these plans?


I would not go if it was going to cost me more than £80. No friend is worth spending more money than is entirely necessary to have a good time out, and £80 is plenty for that.

Some people are so selfish and also so stupid with money, it's no wonder so many people are in debt.

[PoppyWearer]

Blimey, £500?!?!?

Mine cost £25 a head including food and drinks, and I felt guilty asking my guests to even pay that much (albeit a few years ago now).

[gamerchick]

I don't understand this hen stuff.. What happened to a piss up in town covered in Tampax and L plates?

If you can't afford it then speak up. Personally I believe if a bride wants expensive doings then they should pay for the bulk of it.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

I wouldn't feel any guilt at all about declining all or most of it.

[Gingerandcocoa]

If you're the bridesmaid, can't you have a say (or at least try to influence) what you're doing? I think that kind of money is excessive and it will just mean there's less people joining in. I'm sure your friend would prefer more people + less expensive hen do, then an expensive hen do with only a couple of people joining in for the entire weekend!

[dazzlingbrook]

Thank you for your replies, I know now I am not being just frugal in wanting to refuse part of the do but that she is going overboard. I've tried to have my say as a bridesmaid but was told 'you only have one hen do'! There are lots of ppl who have put their names down and a few others who have also said they would join the group on the sat instead of the friday. Without outing myself, it is a weekend away but it is including an expensive event and as a result accommodation in that area is very high. There will be a night out and a meal and transport costs + an outfit. My friend and I are like chalk and cheese in that I am very reluctant to spend money and am very careful whereas she is not and will buy things she can't afford and think about how to pay for it later!

[Gingerandcocoa]

I think you need to think carefully about your decision... because you don't want to harm your friendship by resenting her afterwards. You also don't want to hurt it by not going, so it's a bit of a tough spot!

Your friend is being insensitive and a bit of a "henzilla" if I may say so. Yes you only have one hen, but everyone else has lots of other people's hen's to go to!

[chanie44]

I bet you probably aren't the only one who feels it is getting out of hand, financially. People will be up for it, but I bet people will pull out when it comes to paying.

I think you need to tell her that you can't afford it, but you will come for the main night.

[raisah]

Really crazy, it is getting out of hand and people are getting themselves into debt so they aren't left out. What happened to the old meal and chatter over a few drinks? I had a henna/pamper party with my close friends & cousins at home. That didn't cost more tjan £100 for food & drinks for 30 people.

[elQuintoConyo]

If you do have a quiet, polite word with her, I'm 100% sure LOADS of other invutees would love you forever for reining in the cost.
A very, very close friend had two hen parties, on she organised abroad (Prague, Amsterdam, I don't remember), and one of her BMs organised another, a surprise weekend in... Bristol! I couldn't afford to go to either. Bride/friend was completely understanding. BM was a total bitch, even after I pointed out I couldn't go because that was the weekend of my own wedding, which the Bride/friend was also invited to and therefore wouldn't be able to attend either! BM said it was too late to cancel Bristol as so many people had paid deposits and money was tight for so many these days. What a total Bridesmaidzilla! I was a witness at my friend's wedding and had to be around this awful woman all bloody day . Never told Bride/friend.

Sorry for hijack

OP, you just have to tell her it's too expensive for you, don't beat around the bush. "Sounds great, I'd love to do the whole weekend, but I can't afford it. I can do X or Y but not XY and Z."

Good luck!

[MissingGuiltyPleasures]

I had similar situation earlier in the year - hen do was going to cost £200 plus travel (which would have included flights for me), food, drink and outfits for an activity.
I said categorically that I couldn't afford it right from the start. It did cause some bad feeling and I'm sure a bit of backstabbing, but at least my money stayed where it belonged - in the family kitty.
I have no regrets not going and I'm sure henzilla will get over it too. I'm making the effort to go to the wedding day itself.
Personally I would say to tell your friend she is making too high a demand on you and leave it with her to either excuse you from going, or chose a cheaper option.