Wedding Vows - Confused!

(13 Posts)
MissWooWoo Thu 19-Apr-12 15:07:06

I am getting married in September and having a civil ceremony at an approved venue. I received the weddings and ceremonies brochure fom the local registry office today and am a bit disappointed about the vows. Apparently I have to say option 1, 2 or 3 none of which I particularly like. I wanted to say "I do" not "I am" and I really wanted to say for richer for poorer in sickness and in health etc ... are you only allowed to say this at religious weddings even though there's no reference to God? It does say that I have some choice about what I say when we exchange rings, maybe, depending on what it is.

Have I got it wrong? Can I say what I like?

Ephiny Thu 19-Apr-12 17:43:36

There are statutory words that you must say (or at least you must say one of the official options), this is a legal requirement. But normally you can say additional stuff of your choice as well as the statutory words. The exchange of rings is not an essential/legally binding part of the ceremony, so you should be able to say whatever vows you like then, as long as they're appropriate and don't contain any religious content.

Bue Thu 19-Apr-12 20:36:17

Yes you can normally write your own vows in addition to the required words, so just add the for richer for poorer etc stuff in there.

There aren't that many churches/civil jurisdictions that actually use the words 'I do'. It seems to be more of a movie thing.

threeleftfeet Sun 06-May-12 11:49:46

Perhaps you could have a humanist wedding? They'll help you write vows that say whatever you like. You'll have to do the civil bit too, but you could do that just you and your DH, as a formality.

Rowgtfc72 Tue 15-May-12 16:19:12

Were getting married in cornwall on monday (eek) . The cornish service has a lovely Celtic blessing and a ring vow.I assume as not every registry office offers this you have some say over other things you would like to say.

MsWeatherwax Tue 15-May-12 17:20:53

They gave us three options too but when I asked I was told I could write my own as long as the legal contracting words are included (the ones about not having any impediment etc). Draft out what you want and then ask them - they will let you know if it's OK or if you need to change it.

nutellaontoast Tue 15-May-12 19:16:04

Depends how much of a pedant your celebrant is I think, the "for richer for poorer" is from the common book of prayer I think so they may nix it on that basis. But.... we were allowed it. As others have said, there are a few statutory words but other than that you can scrap the lot and rewrite. Best to have some sort of structure though, start from the options given, or the book of common prayer, add meaningful readings and poems.

I spent a looooong time on our ceremony. I thought we might not be allowed "for richer for poorer" etc so I paraphrased to write vows with a similar sentiment of sticking together no matter what... those aren't the words I use but yeah. Email your celebrant to see what they'll allow.

WopBopALooBop Sat 19-May-12 14:38:32

We're not allowed the richer/poorer part either sad I was so disappointed, that's the best bit! We were given 3 options for each section too, and for a couple of the sections I have combined bus from all 3 options as none were perfect.

Hope you settle on some vows you're pleased with smile good luck for your day.

WopBopALooBop Sat 19-May-12 14:39:02

*bits, not bus!

QueenEdith Sat 19-May-12 14:59:23

"I do" isn't part of the Christian ceremony (the response there is "I will") so any objection cannot be on religious grounds. I hope they will be flexible and you manage to get the form of words you want.

threeleftfeet Sun 20-May-12 11:17:41

This is (one of many reasons) why we're definitely having a humanist wedding! My commitment to DP is personal, and I'm damed if someone's going to tell me I can't promise to stay with him "for richer for poorer" if I want too!

Control freaks! angry

tb Sun 05-Aug-12 17:45:35

The responses from the prayer book include both 'I do' and 'I will' from memory.

I spent 10 years in a church choir, including many many Saturdays singing at weddings

cookielove Sun 05-Aug-12 17:52:21

tb - you can't have any religious text in a registry wedding.

I am also getting married in Sept, me and DP had a good giggle about the different options available, but for us its about the marriage not the words.

So exciting all these weddings. grin

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