Feeling done in by teaching. That's it really. I'm an NQT and although I feel I'm becoming a more effective teacher gradually, things to do with school organisation and management just depress me and I don't know if I'll ever get to used to it. I'm a latecomer to teaching from the private sector and I find the lack of voice in decision-making, even minor decisions, completely disempowering. Add to that an absence of positive feedback about what I'm doing, anything positive really, and I feel invisible. It's an odd feeling really, I wonder if it's mild depression but I think I'm hormonal too, which doesn't help.
I'm not an Ofsted 'good' teacher and tend to get very self-conscious and make nervous mistakes in lesson observations, but in spite of this, my class are doing well. It's a challenging school in many ways and I came in mid-year but most are making good or better than good progress. Sometimes I feel like I expect too much of them, even to me it feels like bootcamp some times but for the most part, they rise to the challenge. I really love my class.
Because I'm not Ofsted 'good', I feel my teacher assessment of performance is scrutinised more than it would be normally. How can my class be doing so well when I'm an NQT and not getting 'good' or better in my observations? Have I been too lenient or inflated grades? So I do formal levelled assessments and my class perform similarly. Then I'm told my teacher assessment skills aren't robust enough and I shouldn't rely on formal tests, etc. Or I don't move the children up to the level I think they're at, to play it conservatively, and then there's an inquest about lack of progress, and someone senior goes through all my assessments and puts the children up to the level I wanted to originally. It's an odd and dispiriting process at the end of every half term.
The school is RI and has been for a few inspections so the next one, due any moment, is key. Taking all the emotion out of things, I know this is why there is so much scrutiny, pressure and concern about things being just right. But as a human being, I don't know how it's possible to work long term in a career where for the most of the time, your managers aren't interested in you and what you're doing, and when they are, they're asking you to justify yourself and your results.
Apologies for the essay, I just needed to get my frustrations out to people who might know what I'm going on about. Is it just my school or are there schools where teachers get positive, developmental feedback? Where you have some kind of a voice? Is it that schools themselves don't have any real decision-making power and just have to do what Ofsted tell them to?
I would be so grateful for some feedback and advice.
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Think teaching is killing me slowly - and I haven't even completed my NQT year...
6 replies
SlashandBurn · 11/06/2014 11:33
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