help!

(75 Posts)
noddyholder Mon 30-Sep-13 15:50:47

Hi I am in a real dilemma with my 2 cats. I have had them years a boy 11 and a girl 15. Always got on fine v clean and happy etc etc. We love them to bits! Sadly last month the boy started dribbling and was found to have tumour under his tongue which is basically inoperable and we are giving him steroids and he has perked up a lot and pottering about fine. He could live anything from 2 months to a year and I have to decide when I think he has had enough. (thanks) The other cat has taken a real dislike to him since he has been ill and now she won't use the litter tray or eat food near him and if he comes near her she batters him. It is the litter though that is bothering me. I have tried everything putting her out separate tray etc and she just keeps peeing in the kitchen sink and worktop shock. Vet says she can tell he is ill etc etc but that doesn't help me now! I have had a renal transplant and am immunosuppressed an am terrified of catching something as I am cleaning non stop and disinfecting but I am not supposed to touch this sort of thing. Vet says no such thing as temp re home and she will be ok when other one goes sad but he is doing really well and is going to be around a while Help!

noddyholder Thu 03-Oct-13 17:05:14

He is still walking around and purring but his mouth just doesn't work Seems so cruel

cozietoesie Thu 03-Oct-13 17:05:41

I'd say get a taxi. It's pretty straightforward and would save your DP from having to drive in rush hour when upset.

cozietoesie Thu 03-Oct-13 17:06:47

Not cruel - the very opposite. Many of us reading or on this thread will have been where you are.

chemenger Thu 03-Oct-13 17:09:05

I have lost two to oral cancers, the first I waited too long and I still feel bad that she suffered unnecessarily, the second I was braver and kinder and feel better about.

Fluffycloudland77 Thu 03-Oct-13 17:11:17

Sometimes purring is a way of them comforting themselves eg some cats purr during labour.

noddyholder Thu 03-Oct-13 17:27:30

Thanks chemnger that makes me feel better. Fluffy he is purring way more than he ever has but doesn't respond to me calling his name which is very unusual.

cozietoesie Thu 03-Oct-13 17:29:44

As Fluffy said, they can do 'stress purrs' as well as pleasure purrs. I think you're right about now being the time.

People will likely be around this evening if you need to talk. We'll be thinking about you anyway.

noddyholder Thu 03-Oct-13 18:11:12

Am just about to leave and am a lot calmer than earlier.Thansk so much for listening xxx

noddyholder Thu 03-Oct-13 19:08:47

Well I am back and it was so hard but so peaceful too and I really feel e did the right thing. The vet said she knew we'd be back as the tumour was large and so I feel calmer than I have in the last 2 days as he was really in discomfort Thanks to all of you for understanding xxx

cozietoesie Thu 03-Oct-13 19:17:19

Yes. It was the right thing for him.

How are you and DP doing, noddy?

Fluffycloudland77 Thu 03-Oct-13 19:17:26

I'm glad it wasn't as awful as you thought it would be.

noddyholder Thu 03-Oct-13 19:31:31

cozie we have just been crying non stop. Our son went to uni and we have just about got used to that and now the cat! I know things will get better and I am trying to be strong xx

cozietoesie Thu 03-Oct-13 19:35:00

I cried for two solid days when my darling Twoago died. It's truly not easy.

How is your other cat doing ? Is she extra close tonight?

Fluffycloudland77 Thu 03-Oct-13 19:36:01

My mum sobbed over her cat being pts, never shed a tear when her mum died though.

I had to hide the beds and toys. It's ok to just let it all out.

noddyholder Thu 03-Oct-13 19:45:24

Our other cat is ok so far she is fast asleep. She is a totally different character very independent and not super needy like Silver!

noddyholder Thu 03-Oct-13 19:46:40

His fur is everywhere as he was long haired and I think i will leave it and not hoover it just yet. He gave us so much pleasure I am hanging onto that between teh sobs! Dreading telling ds sad

cozietoesie Thu 03-Oct-13 19:50:18

My recommendation? Later this evening, you and your DP get a stiff drink (or a tea or coffee if you don't drink) go outside/open the window and toast your boy's passing.

Have you thought at all about where to bury him or his ashes yet? (If you're to get them back.)

cozietoesie Thu 03-Oct-13 19:52:22

I'd clear it as soon as you can. Along with any toys or food bowls etc. You're going to have to do it soon.

noddyholder Thu 03-Oct-13 19:52:56

I think we will cozie thank you! Haven't thought about that at all will maybe let ds decide I think he would like that once the initial upset calms a bit. I have just developed a raging earache which is really strange hope a couple of painkillers will shift it literally came from nowhere!

cozietoesie Thu 03-Oct-13 19:55:04

You've had so much stress over the last few, it wouldn't be surprising if it broke out somewhere. Take care of yourself. Long hot bath or shower, say.

noddyholder Thu 03-Oct-13 19:57:33

Am going to have a bath and another cry probably and then I so need to sleep. I have stayed at home with silver for 11 days and I have hardly slept so hope I can tonight. Thanks to all of you you've been brilliant

cozietoesie Thu 03-Oct-13 19:58:44

I hope you get some sleep. All the best.

cozietoesie Fri 04-Oct-13 08:36:06

How are you all doing this morning, noddy ?

noddyholder Fri 04-Oct-13 11:10:54

Hi cozie thanks for asking smile I think we are just stunned tbh as it was so quick. But thinking of how he completely lost his will in teh last day or 2 makes me sure we did the right thing. I have lots of beautiful pictures of him and am finding it easier than I expected as he has not really been 'there' iykwim for weeks so I think I did a lot of my grieving when he was here. Dp a lot better too today I think he was shocked at how it affected him x

cozietoesie Fri 04-Oct-13 11:29:23

Oh I think you did the right thing - and as someone said (above, I think) making the decision, hard though it is, at the right time enables you to feel easier about it afterwards.

Glad you're a little more cheerful.

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