How do you make yourself love a dog?

[Downamongtherednecks]

I have always loved dogs. We took in some friends' dog before Xmas when they decided they couldn't keep it when their third dc was born. The problem is, I still haven't bonded with it -- and what's worse I think it knows, and looks at me so mournfully. DS (12) says I should act even to myself that I love it, but I just don't. I adore our other dog, but try not to show any favouritism. Any thoughts? Cannot give dog away as NO hope anyone would want it. Very strange looking corgi/shepherd mix.

[guineapig1]

Ah bless! I'm of the view that as long as dogs get their cuddles, food and walks, they are pretty much ok, I bet he loves living with you! They all do the sad eyes from time to time! To be fair it is still early days really, when we got our second dog he was five. Never thought I'd love him as much as our pfb dog who we'd had from 10 weeks, but things change. Nearly two years on, he is now as much an important part of our family as the first dog even if ddog1 sleeps upstairs and ddog2 sleeps downstairs

[Downamongtherednecks]

Thanks guineapig I am feeling very guilty about this. It's good to hear that it may just be a time thing. LOL at pfb dog! (SO true)

[hippopootamus]

I wouldn't worry about the mournful looks. My dog can do a heartbreaking 'mournful' face yet she couldn't be more loved or spoiled.

[Downamongtherednecks]

So you don't think dogs know/can sense if they are loved or not? That is what has been worrying me (I am definitely treating both dogs well). I remember someone saying that dogs will do anything for you if they know they are loved.

[guineapig1]

In the nicest possible way, perhaps you are overthinking this! As long as the dog is well cared for I'm sure he's fine! They are all really good at the old mournful eye trick, but most are in fact quite fickle! I remember out our first holidays away after getting ddog1 when my brother actually came to house/dog sit for the week. The dog was whining at the door as we left the house much to my distress. She was on the spare bed with my dbro before we got to the airport, so have seen the photographic evidence!

Honestly, I am sure that things are fine and will only improve with time! x

[winkywinkola]

Is the strange looking not appealing?

Just give the dog food, walks, some strokes and chat each day and I'm sure it won't feel neglected. It's not a child.

You sound like an amazing owner though to be concerned like this.

[Downamongtherednecks]

Thanks all. Maybe I am overthinking. I think it's the shock of NOT loving an animal who is in my care, it has honestly never happened to me before even the pet rats. The chatting is a good idea winky I will start talking to dog2 more - maybe we will find common ground.

[SpicyPear]

I think the fact that it's bothering you and you are making efforts to treat them the same speaks volumes about how responsible you are. I'm with your son - fake it til you make it. It is quite early days and you might develop more of a bond of sorts as time goes on. I'm a massive dog lover but certainly there are dogs whose temperaments I find more or less loveable and appealing.

[Scuttlebutter]

I foster, and have several close friends who also foster. One close friend has fostered over 30 dogs in the last eighteen months. It's a bit like people - with some, you hit it off immediately, and with others, it takes a while to get to know them.

You are already doing the most important stuff, treating your dog with care, with affection, with kindness and consistency.

My own top tips for bonding are grooming - this can be a really enjoyable time if your dog enjoys being brushed. The other is training - I remember being incredibly surprised when I first took a nice, but rather laid back and unresponsive dog to training. We were practising recall in a church hall and suddenly when I called him, he came bounding up to me, with a big grin on his face and his tail waving like a helicopter, and it hit me - he really wanted to come back to me. That was like a thunderbolt, and since then I've made a point of working one on one with our dogs at classes. Both the classes and the practice at home really reinforce your bond together.

The irony is that in some ways, the dogs you don't necessarily take to straight away, or the ones with problems that need to be sorted out, are actually sometimes the ones that really steal your heart long term. When you do finally "click" with them, it can be a much deeper and closer partnership.

And YY to talking to them - I have lengthy running conversations with ours .

[Nunyabiz]

This is funny I didn't think this was a 'thing' until we got our second and I felt a bit like...she wasn't 'mine' IYSWIM.
My first girl was my baby. She's a naughty girl and really quite mean, but I can't help it. I love her more.
Second dog came along and just...she wasn't my hunny girl. DH adores her. But I just think...meh. Hello. You. ........

I think though I do have a genuine affection for her after 5 years. But it's just not as strong as with first muttly.

I think in time it will grow... But you're not alone.

[Downamongtherednecks]

Thanks for the ideas. I see now that there are things I could try which are just for bonding; like chatting and grooming. nunyabiz that's exactly it - I feel she isn't mine, and then I feel bad for her (after all, she's already been rejected by one family). My ds showed me tonight what a great cuddler she is if you lie on the floor next to her. She is a very funny-looking dog, with a full size shepherd body on corgi legs. When I walk her, the old boy down the road asks me where the other half of my dog is.

[winkywinkola]

Poor girl. I hope you forge a great friendship with her.

[TheCunnyFunt]

My dog is very much loved, but look at his sad face! I do love him loads, but although he's my first official dog that I personally own, he's not my first dog. I used to walk a neighbours springer when I was a kid. He lived outside in a kennel and never went inside as far I know. I bloody loved that dog, I "tamed" him, he used to be quite aggressive and I would sit near to his garden wall and chat to him and pretty soon he'd get excited to see me and after a while I dared to stroke him, it was from that moment that I knew that I needed this dog in my life, the same as he needed me. It was the best two years of my life that I spent walking him for hours at a time most evenings after school and weekends. He'd pop his head over his garden wall when he heard my frontdoor open, or when I'd be walking to/from school and he knew the sound of my mums car, his head would pop up over the wall and I just knew his tail would be going crazy :)

Then one day, he vanished. I found out from his owners niece that he'd been sold. I didn't even get to say goodbye. 8 years on and I still miss him like mad :(

As much as I love my boy there isn't that bond that I had with the first one.

You're not alone OP, I hope you manage to love her and make a great friendship with her. Good luck!

[kerstina]

I had a bit of this but with cats. We had a tabby cat who was a real character only for a few years as he got cancer but we had such a strong bond with him. Then I got a more timid cat who gradually settled with us. I remember saying although i loved her I didn't have the same bond. Of course over the years that changed. I had to have her put her to sleep on friday and am heartbroken. I loved her to bits. We had her for 15 years.

[Downamongtherednecks]

So sorry for you kerstin. 15 years is a lot of love to treasure. Cunny that really is a sad face! Must be worth a biscuit, at least. You have all inspired me to keep trying, and make dog2 my ddog2.