Strategies please for disuading a toddler who grabs fur and pulls tails......

[FireOverBabylon]

Back in early June I started this thread about my mum and her dog moving in with us. Now they are here, and whilst DS (2.11) is mostly good with the dog, when he's bad, he's dreadful. We've had grabbing clumps of fur, stamping on her tail to stop her walking away, trying to poke her in the eye with his thumb..... Some of this seems to be him misunderstanding her, so grabbing to stop her walking away or to guide her in a specific direction, and some of it seems to be attention seeking, and linked to him being tired. He just does it so quickly, it's usually with an adult in arm's length away from them.

We started off putting DS on the naughty step upstairs when he grabbed / trod on her - the naughty step downstairs involves sitting on the floor in the dining room where he'd be at face to face level with the dog he's just hurt so we can't risk that. We were mortified and showing mum that we are treating this seriously. We don't want our boy to hurt her dog or for DS to get bitten in return. That had no effect.

We're now moving him away from the dog as quietly as we can and ignoring his behaviour, presuming that he's doing it for attention, and praising both him and her (boy and dog) when they're behaving well together. We can't leave them alone together though, even for as long as it takes to empty a potty or collect DS's toothbrush from upstairs.

I don't want to shut the dog away from the toddler, as she'd only have the run of the kitchen and a study, and be shut away from the main living rooms of the house. Also, she hasn't done anything wrong.

Any idea how old toddler get before they stop pulling tails and fur, and has anyone got any strategies that have worked for them to stop this behaviour in the meantime?

Many thanks if you've got this far, I hadn't planned on it being an essay.

[ChickensArentEligableForGold]

I think you'll have to keep the dog and your toddler apart unless you can be very closely supervising. Better for the dog to be separated than hurt, or for the dog to hurt your child imo.

[mistlethrush]

What would you do if he did this to another child - pulled their hair, grabbed their arm?

Do exactly the same in relation to the dog.

Its for his own safety that he learns that this is unacceptable as soon as possible.

I say this having managed to get DS to 7.5 alongside having a dog.

[FireOverBabylon]

mistlethrush we are doing the same for DS as we would if he hurt another child. I guess the issue for us is that he's an only child, so if he hurts someone else, ultimately he gets taken home. When Fido is already at home, we can't use that sanction.

I guess we're not used to having to supervise DS and another sibling so it's come as a shock to us how relentless this is. Why does he not just bloody stop it when he's been moved away, told strongly not to, made to apologise to Grandma, every day last week? We were hoping that the novelty of this would wear off, but it doesn't seem to be.

[mistlethrush]

Have you worked with him (and the dog) to show him how to interact in a positive way? I used to hold DS's hand from an early age and gently stroke the dog - often shoulder along back is a good place.

Also get him giving her treats (as long as she can be guaranteed not to grab them).

When its fine, our dog likes to search out small biscuits that are thrown for her in the garden - DS used to love this (and never tried to eat them either). She also started to listen to commands that he gave her at about this age (although she actually understood my hand gestures and obeyed those at the same time that DS was giving the verbal command) and then got a treat.

Do you take them both out to the park together - can DS start to eg throw a ball or similar for her?

My DS is also an only - it is possible to sort it! But we have always been incredibly protective over the dog (and she knows it) because, in the long run, that's the way of keeping DS safe.

[FireOverBabylon]

Thanks mistle yes, DS knows to stroek her gently with the back of his hand, and to keep away from her when she's eating. We make a big thing of praising him when he strokes her well and gently. The dog is a resuce dog so doesn't play with a ball and can't go off the lead as she'd just run.

Mum has mentioned doing some training with the dog to get her used to playing, using a Kong etc, so I could maybe get DS involved in that. Food for thought - thank you.