How can I help DD stay in touch with her Friends?

[SomeWhereOverTheRainbow4]

My 15 year old DD Kiara, has a rare and incurable brain condition that gives her too much fluid on her brain. She is in constant pain and has daily blackouts, and has been unable to go to school for the last 2 years.

It's really getting to her about missing her friends and as they all go out and start to do more, it's really affecting her.

I take her for pizza/cinema with them and wait outside as much as I can, and shes on facebook/msn etc. but it's just not enough.

She's just not well enough to do much more - does anyone have any ideas please?

Thanks in advance xxx

[mumeeee]

I'm sorry to hear about your DD. You seem to be a great Mum taking her out and trying to help her keep in touch with her friends. Could you have a Pizza/make over day/evening at your house and invite a few of her friends?

[CaptainKirksNipples]

I was going to suggest facebook/msn but I see you already do that. Can she make friends with the same condition as she has, they may be more understanding of the situation she is in?

[antshouse]

That must be so hard for you both as her friends are at an age when they want to go out unsupervised but you need to stay close by because of her black outs. I second mumeeeee's idea if you can invite them over fairly regularly. Maybe DVD nights.

Do her most responsible friend have your mobile number so she could go to the park with them while you go to a nearby cafe but they can contact you quickly if there is a problem.

You've both done so well to keep contact with her friends if she hasn't been at school for two years.

[sdr]

You're both doing fabulously with keeping up the contact.

My DD16 has just read this and she suggests having a friend or friends over to your house regularly for a face-to-face gossip and if possible a sleepover. She thinks the park idea antshouse suggested was a good one, especially if you'd explained how to help her until you arrived if something happened. Also she asked if any of her friends mums felt ok about having her over for a few hours?

Big thing though was just being able to get together and gossip (it's a girl thing), and just keep it casual.

[SomeWhereOverTheRainbow4]

Thank you all so much for replying The thing she's struggling with most at the moment is this last few weeks of school, when everyone's doing plays/d of e/camping/trips/sports day/speech day etc. Her Friends have all been amazing up until now but they're just so busy right now.

Mumeeee, thank you so much thats really kind of you. I think a few hours with Pizza and a film or something would work really well, and it wouldn't be too long. I know in the Summer she'd love to go on picnics, it's just trying to sort something out for now as it's really upsetting her. xx

CKN, thanks for replying. The problem is that Kiara's Illness only affects around 1 in 100,000. There is a support forum but even at GOSH (Her Hospital) they only have 2 other (much younger) Children with IIH. It's very hard! xx

Antshouse, thank you so much for your lovely message, you're very kind! Her best friends all have my mobile number, and they have been very good, it's just like you say they all want to be having freedom at her age. They're all so busy and it's really getting to her, but I definately think a pizza/DVD few hours would be great. xx

Sdr, thank you so much for replying, and for your lovely message! Thanks also for asking your DD, I think coming from someone her age really helps. Facebook/Msn is great but like you say to get together is much better and they love to Gossip! I think a Sleepover would be too much, but definately a few hours Pizza/DVD would be lovely, and also give her the Oppertunity to see more than one Friend. She's been to a few other people's houses but really only when I'm there, people get so worried as she can get so poorly so quickly. Thank you again very much! xx

Also - I brought her some pretty Cath Kidston writing paper, which will be lovely for her to write to them. I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing really - any more ideas more than welcome!! xxxxx

[antshouse]

Do you have a garden? If so maybe she could plan an end of term barbeque with them.
They could have a theme, or a paddling pool and water pistols, favorite childhood sweets or crazes. Whatever, the planning is half of the fun.

Does she share any hobbies with any of her friends? Could she take up a new pastime? Something like jewellery making maybe and have like minded friends around to join in.

[sdr]

Antshouse's idea for a end of year party is fab. My DD had one last summer at 15 and they stayed outside till late with lanterns, wrapped up in blankets having hot chocolate.

[antshouse]

Good idea sdr, hot chocolate and marshmallows in the garden at night, yum.

Is she well enough on some days to attend and support her friends at sports day or their school plays etc even just for an hour?
If you keep a note of the events in your diary then, if she's well enough when the time comes,you could suggest popping along with her. That way she won't be disappointed if she's not well enough on the day.