DD seems to be changing, not for the better

[Enchilada81]

When DD first started secondary school she was good as gold. Homework always in on time, good grades, nice set of friends.

But she seems to be changing. I know you'll all say "welcome to teenagers" but I'm really worried she's going to go right off the rails.

She started wearing make-up last year but she cakes it on and it looks cheap and tacky. She doesn't care though. She buys herself skimpy clothes, was walking around in a pair of short shorts and a crop vest when it was -7 outside. She started uploading photos onto her facebook page ... not exactly 'sexual' but provocative. Close ups of her face on pillow, odd facial expressions etc. One person commented "you look about 17 here" so she replied "good, will be easier to get in the clubs then".

(I know she's never been to clubs btw but I wouldn't put it past her trying).

Her school work is starting to slip and she's coming home proudly announcing the fact that she's had detentions for:

Unfinished work.
Punching someone.
Pulling someone's hair.
Shouting in class.
Messing around in class.

I know she has a new "friend" who very kindly introduced her to the world of "Skins" and dieting etc.

She's getting more cheeky. Bitchy to other kids and cocky.

She's only 13. Is there worse to come or is she just getting it out of her system early?

[poshwellies]

I don't have any useful advice sadly.

I'll watch with interest as we are going through the excate same scenerio with our daughter (I'm not putting 'd' as shes not atm).She's 15 this month.

We removed her internet access,as she was chatting to a 21 yr old through fb-we also got the police involved (they couldn't do much as she refused to talk to them)

We've had the arsey attitude,she was on report in school a few weeks back.Smoking and the whole gamut of rebellion.

I'm sick to my back teeth of it all.

[GypsyMoth]

my dd's are 13 and 15....both very different,but they are very much 'led' by their friends at this age

i'm a lone parent to 5...the girls are the eldest. i have to clamp down on behaviour,nip it in the bud so to speak.....but luckily,they both want to do well and seek my approval.

dd 1 used to do the make up thing at 13,its toned down alot now due to a new group of friends

[GypsyMoth]

what can you do? well i;

keep an interest in everything they do

make sure i know their friends..invite round etc

not afraid to say 'you look like a tart' or 'i like your friends style'etc

be very 'hot' about school work/homework. (my girls know i will take their schoolbags and look in school diaries to see)

you have to be one step ahead

go shopping together?

[poshwellies]

The black eyeliner is the least of our problems..

It's the 'fuck you and all authority' attitude,which I know to a certain extent most teens go though,our daughter seems to be taking this to extreme.

Smoking in her a room is a major battle at the moment as is getting her to school.

[TheFirstLady]

Hmm, watching this with interest as my DD is the same age but hasn't started down this road yet although some of her former friends have. I do think that who they are hanging around with has got a lot to do with it. DD's current friends are a quiet bunch who don't seem to care that they've been labelled as "boffs" by the cooler kids.
Can you do anything about encouraging the nicer of her friends to hang around a bit more and clamping down a bit on the new friend? (Was she one of those involved in the FB incident from your other thread?)
I would also think about sitting down with her and agreeing a system of sanctions for the inschool behaviour - eg withdrawal of privileges if she gets a dentention for poor behaviour or if she fails to do homework.
Consistency and zero tolerance are probably the key although it is a pain being on their case the whole time.
The rest - clothes, make up etc - you can probably tackle in a less confrontational way so she has a "safe" outlet for rebellion.

[GypsyMoth]

i find stopping pocket money is very,very effective at this age too.....my dd's have to do alot of household chores,and i have high standards....they know they wont get out for the weekend if these are not done!

i'm very strict due to no dad being around,and no family

what does her dad say/think/do??

[poshwellies]

How is it going OP?

[Enchilada81]

I just don't know what's going on. She got a new phone on saturday and DH and I realised last night that we havn't seen it since the day she got it. Normally she'd have it out playing around with it, I'd see her putting it in her bag in a morning, I'd hear the alarm in a morning ... but nothing. DH text it last night (DD was in bed) and he got a delivery report but we never heard her phone go off.

Now, she took the phone to school on Monday. Same day she came home from school very down. Went straight into her room and put messages all over facebook saying she'd had a shit day and felt very sad and depressed. Lots of :'( faces etc. I asked if she was ok and she said she was fine and was just feeling down about homework.

Next day there were messages on there about hating certain people at school. Then there was the facebook incident ...

I don't know. Something doesn't add up somewhere. I think she's got in with a bad lot at school. Her old 'nice' friends have disapeared and in there place are girls who laugh at other people, bitch, talk about "smashing people's faces in", ffing and blinding on facebook ...

Her bedroom is a tip. She's stopped bothering with her hair (has afro hair so if its not bothered with, it ends up 'hedge, backwards, dragged). Her hygiene is terrible. She's stopped bothering with homework.

Only thing missing is the "going out and not knowing where she is" because she NEVER goes out anywhere.

[cory]

I think these new friends are bullying her and frightening her.

[DemonChild]

Do you think that maybe she's made it into the 'popular, cool' group and has realised that they're actually horrible and she misses her old, nice friends? But maybe she's been a bit nasty to them, so feels she's stuck in her current friendship group?

I only mention because I did that at high school and my behaviour was very similar to what you've described, I was a nightmare!

But poor personal hygiene and not caring about room tidiness or school work can merely be teenager stuff, but they are also symptoms of depression, so I'd keep an eye out for that.

Sorry you're going through this