DDs age 12 and 14 being stroppy with new partner

[theheadgirl]

I've been a lone parent for 7 years now, and whilst I've had flings, I've never met anyone I wanted to introduce to my DDs. Recently though, I've been seeing a lovely guy, and due to lack of childcare I'd like him to come round the house once a week or so as well as me having babysitters for us to go out. The problem is that both my girls are horrified by the idea. Firstly, they can't stand the idea that their Mum would go out with a man (even though their Dad left to live with his current partner). Secondly, they are very reluctant to spend time with my new partner. Its not as if they've got to know him enough to dislike him, they just don't want to be around him.

Was wondering if anyone had any thoughts about the best way I should handle this. Currently, I'm just letting them stay away if they want, in their rooms and so on. And am trying to not rise to the nasty comments when I do go out or take a phone call etc. I know its hard for them, and they feel threatened. But part of me feels its really unfair cos I'm always there for them. Their Dad, although financially supportive, only sees them on his terms. I'm just hoping it gets better with time. Its really early days with this guy, we're certainly not moving in together or anything. And I try to reassure them of that. But I feel I'm not doing anything wrong by letting him into our lives a bit. Any thoughts people??

[Tortington]

i think a sit down conversation is in order - just you three.

ask them to be honest about what their fears are. i bet they just haven't verbalised anything in a sensible way before.

there should be some rules of engagement - like one person speaks at a time, voices are not to be raised etc.

[theheadgirl]

Thanks Custardo. The only fear my younger DD (12) has verbalised is that he is going to move in with us. I've reassured her that isn't going to happen in the near future. But then I get difficult to answer things such as "promise me he never will..." Now I don't know myself where this is going, but I can't and don't feel I should make that promise. I seem to spend my days at the moment feeling constantly guilty.....

[Tortington]

"promise me he never will mum!"
" what i will promise you with all my heart and soul...and becuase i love youso much and you are my first priority, is that i would never just move someone in. If ever i am faced with a decision that would afect you and your sister so profoundly, i would always discuss it with you first."

[Tortington]

and i also think that if you go around wanting their approval - they will sense your devolvment of power.

so chin up - keep him away from the house - and go out and have a good time -without them. they will soon ask to come on a merry jaunt if your going on a nice day out come summer

[mumblechum]

Do you really use babysitters for a 12 and 14 year old??

[theheadgirl]

Well I would for a late night out, but I also have a 9 year old with special needs. Not really the point though is it if I chose to do that???