New behaviour - advice would be great!

[beetlebabe]

Hi,
My son is 12 and a half and is starting to fluctuate in his moods which is ok. However yesterday I asked him to go to the shops after school for me to get a birthday card and some chocolates for his Dad's birthday today. I've been in bed since Saturday with the worst cold I've ever had and really needed his help.The shops are a 15min walk away but he just looked at me coldly and said Tough it's too hot you should have been organised earlier.He stomped off to his room and I made him eat hid tea in there and stay there until bedtime. I explained to him that he can make his own choices now he's older but that he has to learn there are consequences to them. I told him I really needed his help and that it's upset us that he wouldn't.This morning he's still unrepentant,says it's my problem for not organising card earlier and just shrugs his shoulders at whole thing. Plus in true egocentric style is getting upset beacuse we are being horrible to him! I guess I need advice in that do I just let it go or take away some pocket money to show how let down we feel? To me it's more than just a row he's really been nasty. Or is this just a normal emotional push away thing that teenagers do?
Hope I don't sound too naive but his bahaviour has really shocked me by it's sheer coldness !Any advice on how to move on gratefully recieved !

[scaryteacher]

I'd have not fed him and made him have toast/sandwich which he could make himself as you felt too ill to do anything for him. Don't do any of the things you'd normally do,(washing, chasing homework, finding things, makin gpacked lunches etc) and speak to him very coldly as well. Don't blink first. Mine normally lasts a day and then apologises.

[beetlebabe]

Thanks scaryteacher for replying !
He came in from school yesterday and said is there anything I can do for you? Ah!!And we managed to have a brief talk about why it had been different from the usual arguments about homework etc (I smiled when I read your reference!)He had forgotten his lunch yeaterday and I was all for letting him go hungry but husband decided we should model good behaviour (for once)and take it to the school and it was good ammo later!I think like you said freezing him out for a painful period really got through. How I'm gonna deal with the real sex,drugs and rocknroll later?!Thanks.

[scaryteacher]

No sweat - mine is 13.8 going on 16, and we have the mood swings etc. Have you read Blame my Brain? When he starts being horrid, I just pick that up, look over my glasses and tell him why he's being like this. He normally laughs, and we discuss it.

I do the freezing out bit when needed (helps being a teacher) and it works, as does threatening to cut his plugs off (PC PS3 etc) and galloping round his room brandishing a pair of scissors!

He is on a school trip this week, and has rung me every night to tell me he loves me and to wish me goodnight, so they can be sweet sometimes!

[LittleWonder]

I have seen this exact same thread here before. Mum sick, asked son...identical. So it seems it's a common problem. I recommend "Get out of My Life" by Tony Wolf and Suzanne Franks parents' guide to the new teenager. And I'm with scaryteacher!

[scaryteacher]

My teenager is an alien isn't bad either.

Treat them as you would a toddler when they're like this. There is so much change going on in their brains at this age, that effectively they are toddlers again, only in a bigger body.