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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

1 2

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Normal teen boy behaviour or disturbing?

26 replies

smartiejake · 04/05/2009 17:37

My DD was directed to a youtube video made by two of her school friends (both 13 year old boys in yeaqr 8) involving graphic scenes of them cutting up a dead rat 9which they apparently found in their garden.)

My DH happened to be adjusting her computer when he came across it and has totally blown his top saying he doesn't want her being friends with boys who are "clearly psychos". He is also worried as she has told him that they brought alchohol to a recent party and at another party they brought BB guns.

He is considering reporting this video to their school (strict independent who take misuse of internet VERY seriously.)which DD is very upset about.

I am not sure what to think. Is this just normal (albeit revolting)boy behaviour or do you think it is indicative of something more disturbing?

OP posts:

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LadyGlencoraPalliser · 04/05/2009 17:39

Video - normal though revolting.
Alcohol - I would not be happy about.
BB guns - I would have words with parents.

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theDreadPirateDavina · 04/05/2009 17:39

Bumping and interested in opinions...

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peggotty · 04/05/2009 17:40

I've not got a lot (ok, any) experience of teenage boys, but it sounds pretty normal tbh. If they had killed/tortured the rat first, then I would be concerned. The alcohol and bb gun thing sounds par for the course. They do sounds like little shits though and although your dh calling them psychos is a bit ott, you might want to talk to your dd about being too friendly with them.

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2shoes · 04/05/2009 17:41

I doubt if the school could do anthing if the video was done at home, weird but doesn't make the psychos.
alcohol and bb are ilegal so phone the police

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herbietea · 04/05/2009 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

smartiejake · 04/05/2009 17:53

Bumping-Any more opinions?

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PenelopePitstops · 04/05/2009 17:58

rat thing, not too wierd, maybe to video is a little odd but not cutting it up in general

alcohol at 13, supervised ok, unsupervised no way

bb guns, not at parties

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smartiejake · 04/05/2009 18:12

Thanks for your opinions. My SIL who has teen boys seems to agree it's not nice and rather immature but not that disturbing.

BB gun thing does worry me though.

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morningpaper · 04/05/2009 18:14

Chopping up rat sounds like sort of thing I would have done - isn't that the sort of age they start dissecting stuff at school?

I guess a lot would depend on the tone of the video - and perhaps what they were saying?

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smudgethepuppydog · 04/05/2009 18:28

DS is 17 now and I can't imagine that he'd have chopped up a rat and videoed it to put on YouTube BUT I can imagine he would've dissected it if given one in a science lesson.

The BB guns and the alcohol also sound like immature teenaged showing off kind of behaviour.

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madlentileater · 04/05/2009 18:39

my ds's aged 20 and 13
rat thing- depends entirely on tone--if not clearly prompted by scientific curiosity then I would be concerned, cruelty to animals often linked to cruelty to animals.
I would think both the alcohol and bb guns are normal in some settings, but not good, and I wouldn't want my dcs associating with them really.
But I think I'd play it v cool around the dd or she could end up wanting to associate with them more.

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mummyflood · 04/05/2009 18:39

Video - sick.My DS yr8 just done a dissecting lesson (sheeps heart) but would not expect him & mates to post this sort of thing on youtube tbh, not nice behaviour.

Alcohol brought to a party by 13 y.o. - illegal I would have thought. Certainly not acceptable, would not be at all happy, warrants words with parents.

BB gun - thought they were illegal now but could be wrong, but definitely again out of order at a party. Some parties these kids go to!!

TBH, if this was my child (either one of them, 13 and 15), I would not be letting them go to these parties if thats the kind of kid who goes. Little shits of the highest order - wouldnt be impressed if my kids classed them as 'friends'.

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 05/05/2009 02:03

Ok, they found a dead rat, cut it up and filmed it - not nice, but only the filming it/putting it on youtube is new, the rest is bog standard. Animal torture may be indicative of psychopathology, but cutting up an already dead animal is natural curiosity. If rather yuck.

It's not unusual for teenagers of 13/14 up to be interested in "taboo" stuff like drinking.

As to BB guns. (I would emphasise at this point that we are rural-livers, and there's a reason to have guns about the place. City/town dwellers, quite different)

My boys had access to high-powered (now illegal) air rifles at that age, and the younger has just confessed that (at that age) he killed a pigeon, for no particular reason other than that he thought the sights on the gun weren't that good, so he wouldn't hit his target. When I gave them access to the rifle, I made it very clear that anything they killed, they had to clean and eat. He didn't, but the guilt that he has felt ever since has stopped him doing it again.

I can quite see why others wouldn't want their children associating with mine (at that age) but would assure them that mine have turned out OK. Most of the time,

Like anyone elses.

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kidowner · 05/05/2009 02:27

Definitely report it lest it starts a trend

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 05/05/2009 02:32

Report what, and to whom?

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kidowner · 05/05/2009 03:16

The video to the boys' parents. I would want to know if it was my ds wouldn't you? Or else the school.

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stuffitlllama · 05/05/2009 04:20

Agree mostly with mummyflood. I would say, alcohol, not good, very bad. Where did they get it from? Who bought it for them? Wouldn't talk to the parents but that would want me to stop my children mixing with them. Possibly too protective but 13 -- it's too young.

Video is revolting, wouldn't want my children to mix with children who found that entertaining.

BB guns, sounds less bad, but associated with these boys in an environment where there are people without BB guns (ie not five boys round to play in the garden with goggles) I would not like. But I only say that because my 12yo went through a BB gun phase for about two weeks, but I could have been wrong to let it happen. Don't know if it's illegal. But being interested in guns is not an indicator of weird pathology I wouldn't have thought. They go to all these paintballing and laser parties and it's like catch tag for teenagers imo. But associated with these boys -- sounds nasty.

Would not say anything to parents, would simply avoid and ask my daughter to avoid.

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CreativeZen · 05/05/2009 06:55

I'm shocked at those who say the cutting up is normal, even if not nice. It is not normal. I have two teens who wouldn't dream of doing anything like this and I suspect none of their friend would either. Filming it and putting it on youtube shows a further disturbing trend of showing off a rather horrible trait.

Alcohol at 13 - where did they get it from? They have either stolen it (illegal) or someone has bought it for them (also illegal). If I were their parent, I would want to know.

Despite their reputation of not being dangerous, BB guns are and can cause serious damage. They should not be in the hands of clearly irresponsible boys.

Report all these things to their parents and the school.

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bubblagirl · 05/05/2009 07:13

i would say its probably quite normal for one time or another to have boys even girls do gross things but i would put a stop to it and hope that they do stop its normal to act out but its also normal for the parents to be told when acted out and having a stern talking to

alcohol normal unfortunatly some parents to let them have it for fear of what they'd do behind there backs they would rather know

bb guns again parents need to be told as mixture of alcohol and guns dont really mix

it all sounds like the learning curve and messes boys and girls will get in but to have a parent told and them having words will surely make them think twice

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 05/05/2009 14:07

CreativeZen, just because something is normal behaviour, it doesn't mean that all people will do it. It just means that it's not weirdo-freaky, or an indicator of anything more sinister. And some teenage boys do like to do gross things, and don't then go on to becaome serial killers or whatever.

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CreativeZen · 06/05/2009 10:27

But by that very token, if it is not done by most teens, then it is not the norm and therefore not normal. I don't think I mentioned serial killers, did I? Oh no, that was you.

I think at the very least the parents would want to know so that they could find out whether it was a spur of the moment experiment or something they indulge in more regularly.

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 06/05/2009 13:52

I think we're looking at different definitions of "normal", CreativeZen. It's "normal" for a 17 year old to learn to drive, but not all 17 year olds learn to drive, and I'd suspect that most don't (because they can't afford to/don't need to). It's "normal" for teenage boys to have an interest in football, but not every teenage boy has - some prefer rugby or other sports, some prefer knitting/WOW - and those who are not interested in football are as "normal" as those who are.

I mentioned serial killers because there is a clear correlation between those who torture and kill small animals and those who go on to become serial killers, but cutting up a (found) dead animal is different from animal torture. Yes, it's gross and yucky, but it's also part of natural curiosity and absolutely normal.

If no human being had ever had a gross and yucky interest in the internal workings of creatures, we would be without surgeons!

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hippipotamiHasLost26Pounds · 06/05/2009 14:04

I think the dissecting of the rat, whilst yuck, is normal-ish. Without this sort of curiousity human kind would never have developed an idea of human anatomy, science, medicine etc.
The videoing and putting it on youtube - a sad sign of the times, showing off behaviour by the boys.
If they had tortured the rat then it would be a whole different scenario, but if it was genuinly dead when they found it than natural curiosity played a larger part than psycho tendencies.

The alcohol thing worries me more - not the boys bringing it, because that is what teens who have hold of something illegal do, and I would be more concerned if they were hiding in the bushes swigging it all - but the fact that someone sold/gave it to them. Which adult in these boys lives thinks this is okay?

The bb guns, again, who provided these for them, how did they get hold of them.

I think it is a little unfair to call these boys little shits - they did not torture an animal, they misguidedly filmed themselves disecting it.
They have access to alcohol and bb guns - my main concern would be that.

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solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 06/05/2009 14:11

It certainly used to be par for the course for teenagers to dissect rats (and frogs) in school as part of the biology syllabus. So there's nothing sinister in them having found a dead rat and wanted to see what its innards were like. Even if the motivation in filming and putting it on Youtube was more to gross out their friends than to learn biology, it's still not in the same category of behaviour as killing the rat (or any other creature) on purpose.
I agree they should probably get a reprimand for the alcohol (though TBH unless you are sure that it was these boys who brought it to a party and they are not just getting the general blame for everything untoward that happens, I would leave it alone this time).
And depending on where they live, having BB guns isn't necessarily a bad sign either, if it's a rural area where people shoot the odd pheasant or rabbit for tea then it's perfectly normal.

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mummyflood · 06/05/2009 15:33

I think it's about the whole picture, IF these boys are indeed responsible for all 3 of these events, and not just being blamed as solidgold suggests. Posting dissected rat on the internet AND bringing alcohol to a party well under-age AND bringing BB guns to a different party... whether you think it's all within the realms of normal teenage behaviour or not, I would be quite sure that the majority of parents of either of my DS's peer groups would think the whole scenario is going down an undesirable route - these are 13yr olds, not older teens, and I would hope that most concerned parents would indeed want to at least have it brought to their attention if their kids were getting up to all 3 of these behaviours. What they then choose to do, if anything, is obviously their business, but I for one would definitely want either of my DS's to distance themselves from this type of behaviour, and if that makes me judgemental or over-protective then so be it.