What would you do?

[PurplePumpkinWitchyOne]

Had the SW come to visit today. DD1 was on her best behaviour. Even made her a cup of tea!

As soon as the woman left, it started. I found black scuff marks up the wall, where someone has tried climbing the doorframe. DD1 is the only one wearing black soled boots right now. DD2 is in slippers.
God this sounds so trivial, but I asked the girls who did it. We already have one door ripped off the hinges cos somebody climbed it, which I had to pay for and replace. (rented house)
DD1 has completely flown off the handle. I hate you, I hate DD2, your both fucking bitches, I can't fucking stand you anymore. I really fucking hate you.

She slammed the door, walked off, pulls DD2's hair on the way with a sly punch thrown in and is trashing her room up there. I'm v tempted to pack her bag and pack her off to her fathers.

I've had to put up with this for years. I'm depressed, I drink too much. Even DD2 can't be arsed to get out of bed cos in her words 'it's the same old shit every day mummy' DD2 is 11 and has talked of 'wishing she was dead' many times.

I cannot take this abuse in my own much longer. We can't stand it anymore. We've tried family therapy and all that, which failed miserably. DD1 has been waiting for counselling for over a year.

Sorry, I'm rambling...Can't even be arsed to namechange

[PurplePumpkinWitchyOne]

Maybe I did the wrong thing, but I packed her bag for her and took her on the bus to her dad's house. Her room is an absolute tip now.
And she has kicked off again because she is now grounded for using foul language and called her sister a 'lying cunt' and I told her she won't be going trick or treating on Friday. That's if she's back.

DD1 is nearly 14 btw.

[Milliways]

{{hugs}}
Didn't want to leave this unanswered.

Can your GP help with bumping her counselling referral up? Also, with help for your depression? I assume if you have a SW they are aware of her problems. Is the SW easy to confide in?

Maybe you can have a special day with DD2 now DD1 is away for a bit. A nice girly day might cheer you both up.

Don't go in DD1's room - it's her mess, she can deal with it when she gets back.

Hoping someone has more advice for you .

[Moski]

First: Sometimes sending a teenager to his or her other parent is extremely helpful in a situation such as yours. It gives you some breathing space and involves the other parent in the child's issues. I had to do this with my 16-year-old this summer (plopped him on a plane with 1 hour's warning) and it worked miracles. Not only did my son's attitude improve, my parenting relationship with his dad improved as well.

Second: You and your daughters sound like a family in crisis. You sound as if you are extremely down on yourself and worried about both girls. I live in the U.S., so I don't know what kind of crisis help is available to you where you live. It sounds as if you are having trouble getting D1 some counselling. I'm assuming others on this Board will have some ideas.

Please take care of yourself. I am thinking of you.

[PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena]

IMO, it can be very helpflu if you can record what they are saying and play it back to the SW/doctor as they can all pretend to be angels when they want, which is more often than not at the time when you are trying to get them help. A recording really will help.
Has the GP referred them to CAMHS?

[LollipopViolet]

I can't offer any real advice but just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. And please, spend some quality time with your DD2, no 11 year old should be "wishing she was dead." Again, thinking of you.