My 14 year old sister has become increasingly violent towards me and I feel like I'm sinking.

[MumtoCharlotteMay]

Sat here very tearful after yet another blow out between myself and my younger sister. I'm so stuck as to what to do.

I'm currently living at home with my dd who's just turned 9 months as I'm a single parent, staying with my parents and sister. She has from what I can remember, always been quite what I would call violent, despite being a lovely kid. But in recent months she's becoming impossble. She has the usual teeneage fc you attitude but being the youngest she's very spoilt and gets away with a lot more than I ever used to.

I'm suffering from post natal depression and recieving treatment for it, so I will admit it must be very hard living with me sometimes. My sister knows a lot of how I feel but still taunts me knowing I'm feeling very low. I've been told by my doctors that should an argument occur, to get well away from it by leaving the room. But I can't because she'll follow me and menatlly and physically attack me.

Tonight she stormed upstairs and came into the study and shouted 'what the fc are you doing, I was on the computer! Get off. Now.'
I replied as calmly as I could that she hadn't been on the computer for over an hour and a half and she could get on soon, as I was just checking some emails. This wasn't good enough for her. She wanted on. Now. She persisted screaming at me until I was very nearly at breaking point. I got up and said that I wouldn't be long and went to shut the door. She slammed the door back at me and it flew into the left side of my body hurting my foot, head and side. The door flew past me and I was in complete shock, she then stareted pushing and shoving me hard to get past onto the computer. When I refused to move she launched into a full on slapping and punching fest that briefly ended when I finally snapped and slapped her arm off of me. This angered her more and she started again. We were both screaming at each other at which point my dad is making his way up wondering what's going on. She then started yelping and crying claiming that I've been punching her etc. I wasn't, I was literally trying to get her off of me.

My parents then both came up clearly angry, my sister locked herself in her room and crying as dramatically as she could. Both my parents turned on me claiming that this couldn't go on. I was very shaken and put on me running gear, asked my mum to watch dd and went out running to get away. I came home and I'm getting the cold shoulder treatment whitst they're all sat down in the living room having feckin family fun and laughing like nothing has happened.

I am still very shaken and tearful and don't know what to do. This is just one of many instances where this sort of thing has happened. And for some reason I always seem to be held responsible, perhaps because I'm the oldest. The fact that I didn't start any of it or that I tried to walk away doesn't register with them. It's just always my fault. I've just found a clump of my hair in the doorway to the study where it's obviously been ripped out by her earlier.

I feel so far beyond awful at the minute, I can't keep living like this. And I don't want my dd growing up around this either. What can I do?

[PenelopePitstops]

oh dear, you poor thing.

My sister is the same age. I dont have children yet o cant offer you any advice on your dd.

I expectt your sister is feeling very put out at having to live with her sister and her niece. I am also the oldest so know what its like to always get the blame for eeything, its awful.

Have you tried talking to her about why she acts the way she does? She sounds like she is very angry at you for some reason, perhaps if you had a converation with your parents as mediators this might work?

Your prents dont sound like they do much to help you, have you asked them why? my parents are muc more relaxed when it comes to the last child and she is left prett much to her own devices and doesnt have to live up to the same standards as i did. Are you resenting her for this, even slightly?

Are you on the list for any ind of council housing or anything? At least then you are out of the house. Also do you go out in the day etc than again you are out of the house.

Hope things improve for you

[AngharadGoldenhand]

Video her behaviour and show your parents.

[MumtoCharlotteMay]

I can't afford to get my own place yet. I've registered for housing but it'll most likely be years before I get anything.

It does wind me up sometimes the way she just gets away with everything. And I wonder how my parents refuse to open their eyes and see it. It's a tough situation because she's at a funny age where horrid behaviour is almost expected, because she's a teenager. I was no picnic to live with at this age but I was never violent or aggressive towards others. Which is why I'm struggeling to cope with why she is.

I've tried asking her why she's being like it but it just makes her even worse and is usually met with a door slammed in my face.

My parents have been very supportive and helpful to me and my dd, but when it comes to me and my sister the blame is always left on my shoulders. They don't punish her for anything and I do get a bit because I certainly did at that age. She's a very clingy child and if she see's me and my mum sat down together or having a hug etc she'll come in and break it up. I gave my mum a hug the other night after she'd had a crappy day at work and in she walks, pulls me off my mum, gives her a hug and smirked at me as she was doing it. I don't understand where this nasty little person has come from.

I've tried everything I can think of from backing off my mum, to keeping out her way, being overly nice and letting her get away with stuff, putting my foot down. Nothing works. I'm just becoming more and more miserable by the day having to live with it all. When I do talk to my parents about her they don't seem overly iunterested and just tell me to 'leave her alone and keep out each others way.' But I do this.

[lizziemun]

I would say if you were talking about a child then i would say sibling rivery.

She acting as if she is jealous of your baby (and you).

Can you speak to you parents about her behaviout towards you when she is not around to see if you can come up with some plan of action for when she reacts like this. Perhaps some ground rules need to be set. For example have set times for when you/she has use of the computer.

[dolally]

she's a jealous child, yes child, whose nose is put out of joint by your presence at home. So Lizzie's right it's sibling rivalry, imo. Also teenage hormones too which turns some 14 year olds into screaming witches.

And your parents are letting her get away with it. Presumably she behaves like this to your them too? And they're unable to stand up to her?

Pity you're not feeling stronger yourself at the mo cos you could probably make mincemeat of her(mentally I mean!)Because someone needs to stand up to her.

If she were your teenage daughter we would all say take away some of her privileges and let her earn them back in exchange for respectful behaviour.

Maybe custy will appear with some advice.

[fizzbuzz]

I lived at home for a year with a 2 year old ds, and a violent sister. It was the worst year of my life. I made every effort to get out as soon as I could. Powerless is the perfect description......I also had no choice as I was suffering from depression. but TBH I think the situation was compounding it.

[Miadevos]

What do I do? My sister who is 14 and knows I suffer from anxiety and depression has been very violent towards me, I don’t know what to do. She has been hitting me, scratching me, and pushing me. She slammed my hand in my front door when I was coming in from work. She pushed me down the stairs when she was leaving for school. What do I do?