What shall I do with DS1

[kkgirl]

I am just about at end of tether now with kids.

DS1 was muttering after school about beating someone up, I just ignored him as he is always talking tough, all mouth and no action.

Anyway shortly after the behavioural person at school phoned me to tell me that DS had make a comment about another boys ears and then the other boy had said "the mum thing" - DS1 says that this boy said that he had done me, he should be so lucky!!!

Both boys were put in isolation and then she talked to them separately and then together and then they shook hands etc.
The upshot is that DS1 has a one hour detention, after school holidays, but she mentioned Exclusion, which has pressed my panic button.


Any suggestions for handling this, I don't want to tell DH, he has an important exam for work next week, and is revising hard.
I've grounded him tonight as he wanted to go round his friends.

[dolally]

how old is ds?

no experience of this(only have girls!) but think you did a good thing grounding him straight off. Hopefully someone else can help more than me. Good luck!

[merlotmama]

kkgirl, if he was muttering about something, I think this was his way of saying "Something's happened that I need to tell you about". My DSs are so uncommunicative I would see muttering as an attempt to communicate, anyway!

Surely you want him to be all mouth and no action, or better still no mouth and no action! It might be an idea to talk through with him, if he'll tolerate it, what he might have done instead, for example, hinted that the boy had a rich fantasy life, or said "You wish"...i.e. laughed or made light of the comment.

Why did he feel he needed to comment about the other boy's ears? Daft question, possibly, but I don't think people nowadays can say "I was only joking" when so much work is done in schools with them re. bullying and different people's perceptions of the same comment. That is, if the target doesn't find it funny, it isn't funny.

One night's grounding sounds very sensible/reasonable.

I would be inclined to tell DH now it is all sorted. He would be upset if he found out about it later and felt it had been hidden from him.