How do I tell my Daughter her mother doesn't want to see her again?

(12 Posts)
Gforce75 Thu 24-Nov-16 09:37:43

My daughter is 15 and has emotional problems. She hasn't seen her mother for 3 years. I can tell my daughter is very anxious at the moment. She's withdrawn, struggling to sleep (2am the other day) disorganised and tearful.

I've actually contacted her mother last month and she said "I don't want to see the kids until they are grown up" I haven't told them this because I think it might cause even more damage thinking their mother doesn't want to see them.

Any ideas?

BratFarrarsPony Thu 24-Nov-16 09:40:22

I guess you do not tell her in such a way that you are spelling it out for her.
She sounds depressed enough as it is.
has she seen the doctor about her depression?

NavyandWhite Thu 24-Nov-16 09:41:25

Has your DD asked about seeing her mum?

Gforce75 Thu 24-Nov-16 09:55:26

She has said things like:

I don't know what I'll do if I see her

She's concerned for her mother. But Due to circumstance beyond my control I have no address, phone numbers, email for the mother or the her family. So I'm stuck and can't answer any questions.

She Facebook messaged me the message last month. Then blocked me straight away.

Gforce75 Thu 24-Nov-16 09:59:30

School and local authority are helping my daughter with counselling.

It's making me ill. So I can imagine my daughter is really feeling it at the moment.

NavyandWhite Thu 24-Nov-16 10:04:33

Your poor DD. I'm glad she's getting support from you and school. I would just concentrate on her right now and not mention her mum until she asks about her.

How old are your other DC?

Gforce75 Thu 24-Nov-16 10:11:08

19 and 10.

My eldest has made his feeling clear that he never wants to see his mother again.

10 yr old is autistic.

NavyandWhite Thu 24-Nov-16 10:13:20

It sounds like for now they'd be better off without her. It must be very hard for you OP.

Mybeautifullife1 Thu 24-Nov-16 10:14:18

Sorry to hear about your daughter. It is such a hard age and one where they're pushing you away but need you more than ever. I think you just have to be there. I have a DS of the same age. He barely speaks to me. However, I still take him to Costa, out for breakfast and spend one evening a week taking him skiing. I just make sure I'm available. Try to be helpful but not critical.

So far as mum is concerned, she's obviously battling her own demons. I would not ever say to daughter what mum said. But you can say mum has problems and not able to be a mum at the moment. You don't know the details but things aren't right are they?

Gforce75 Thu 24-Nov-16 10:25:11

The other day on the school run I asked her if she had any problems.

She said school, mum and I don't see you.

Since then school is fine again. Her tutor is also her English teacher and he's brilliant. He's changed the course work to suit her needs.

And her problem with me is that I'm "always out" always out at work, sometimes 60 hour week in order to provide. I know I need to commit more time. Which is why we have film night etc.

NavyandWhite Thu 24-Nov-16 10:39:34

You sound like a lovely dad, doing your best. Watching a film together is a simple thing but all these little things matter. Keep going flowers

Mybeautifullife1 Thu 24-Nov-16 10:44:14

Well the fact she's not pushing you away has got to be good news.

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