my son is driving me mad and i really dont know what to do next

[brandy7]

hes 12.5 years and how ever much i punish him,it seems to have no/or little effect on him.

homelife isnt great i spose which may contribute. money is a constant struggle but we make ends meet. he has no contact with his father, which he has counselling for. has a toddler brother who is poorly a lot and even though it was always just "us" before his brother came along, hes never moaned about not getting any time spent alone with me and he does adore his brother.

the little ones dad has dragged us through court for the last 2years for contact that he already has! that alone has caused a huge amount of upset and my ds cant stand his brothers dad because of this. he avoids him when he visits our home.

i know its not just him, because i am exhausted from looking after the pair of them and dealing with toddler tantrums/teenage tantrums, so i can fly at him if he gives me lip or disobeys then it turns into a screaming match. i know this is wrong, but the constant battle is so depressing.

today hes gone to london with the family, and i couldnt even wave goodbye to him because we'd had another blow up and i caught him doing the wanker sign behind me. i actualy told him i hope he got lost cause ive had enough

[fizzbuzz]

Hmmmm, difficult isn't it? Sounds like you boyh might need a bit of a break from each other, so trip to London might do you both good.

I wonder, if you and him went somewhere together for a day, then this might help. Don't take toddler if poss. The reason I have suggested this, is FME, going out somewhere and just "hanging loose" with them can create a neutral environment. Try not to have a go (V hard I know!), but just get to know him again, and don't get dragged into arguing. You might find this improves relations all round, enough to talk properly.

I find this works really well, and my ds starts to open up a bit, and sometimes will raise any problems himself, and talk to me.

I have read somewhere the best way to deal with teenage probs is to talk to them rather than just argue.

I know it's hard. Good luck!

[brandy7]

thanks fizzbuzz, i hate the fact that im waking up in the morning and thinking "here we go again" im wondering if where im constantly punishing him that he now thinks, well sod it, i might as well be a pain anyway?

praps i should back right off and let him run free for a few days and see if he becomes anicer boy

[fizzbuzz]

To get ds out, I use bribery. He loves Starucks, so I bribe him with that as it is 1/2 hours walk there and back, and we just chat about nonsense on way....but sometimes he comes out with little nuggets, and we manage to solve some problems like that

[fizzbuzz]

Starbucks