14 year old DS and the party

[weegiemum]

DS is 14.8. generally a good lad. His friendship group are a nice group of boys, but all a year older than him, or slightly more. They go to a different school in the part of the city where we used to live

A few weeks ago we allowed him to go to a party with them, as the birthday girl is friends with dd1 who was also going. He behaved hi.self, met some new people, drank a beer or 2 and came home when asked. We were very clear at the time that this was a one-off as it was someone we knew, had met parents, had checked parents would be there

fast forward to today - one of the girls he met at the party has asked him and his mates to a party tonight (it's half term here). It's a long way away, in a totally different part of Glasgow which we're not familiar with. We don't know the girl who has asked him, the address of the party, and he's admitted he doesn't think the parents are going to be there.

We said no.

Cue door slamming , shouting, throwing things around in his room, swearing and actual tears, though I think he's more angry than upset. We're ruining his life, we don't understand, "we'd let dd1 go" (erm, in these circumstances that'd be a no), we're not letting him express himself, all his friends now hate us ( boo-hoo).

We maybe shouldnt have let him go the last time, I expect. Things Aren't always easy at home, I'm disabled and dh works long hours, both of us suffer from depression. We know how important these friends are to him and make a huge effort to get him around town.

But this would be a step too far. I doubt my judgement in parenting, but we're right to say no, aren't we?

[Corialanusburt]

I say no, though it's so hard when they get distressed about being left out.
Do you know his friends parents? Could you secretly sound them out about whether or not they're allowing their kids to go?

[weegiemum]

Thanks. Other friends were expecting to go as tag-alongs with DS, so be going either - therefore he's not left out of the group.

I knew we were making the right decision, just he was so distressed. He's calmed down enough to go for a wee dog walk and he's about to have his piano lesson with no grumping, but he's still Not Pleased.

[BackforGood]

Yes - I'd have made the same call.
He'll get over it.

[rogueantimatter]

I wouldn't have let him go either. No way! Could his friends have a wee get-together at yours instead maybe?

I'd tell him you understand and sympathise with his disappointment but you can't let him go as you think he might not be safe.

[rogueantimatter]

His other friends probably wouldn't be allowed to go if their parents knew the exact circumstances either. Do you have an 'excuse' to chat to some of them and happen to find out that they wouldn't have been allowed anyway?