DD has struggled with anxiety and depression in her first year at uni, and probably for the year before, although she hid it well. During this time, I think she binged/ate for comfort and has gained around 3 stone this year.
She is a high achiever and to all outsiders she seems totally fine. She is on anti-depressants and seems much better in herself, seems motivated to do work and extra-curricular activities. But her weight continues to go up.
She is very intelligent and her weight used to upset her when she first gained in term one but she seems to have disassociated herself from her body and also stopped caring about her appearance and wearing make-up/doing her hair.
She used to exercise loads at school, high standard sport and dance at least 12 hours a week- and all the problems seem to have stemmed from stopping to concentrate on getting her required a-level grades. We've suggested she exercise, her GP and counsellor told her to exercise to manage her anxiety/depression, I offered to pay for a gym- but she just won't. She has also stopped counselling and although I've got some CBT sessions okayed by our insurance, I'm not sure she'll arrange them.
I know I have to just leave her to it and support her where I can but if this continues her physical health is at risk as well as her mental health. I've not mentioned her weight, although in the past I've probably been too 'helpful' and proactive with remedies instead of reassuring and supportive.
Anyone been through this?
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Teenage DD depression and weight gain
anotherguiltymum · 02/10/2016 08:56
I'll admit that I've commented because I sympathise with your daughter. I struggled through uni.
I think that the educational system can feel like a massive put down. From year 8 onwards children enter into an endless testing environment, where they're told that their whole world and future revolves around, SATS, GCSEs, A-Levels and then degree. Whilst undertaking each one its pitched as the most important thing in world and then as soon as it's over they're thrown into the next round and each seem to have little or no bearing on each other. It's tough!
My greatest fear was letting my parents down, and nothing could quell that fear. They weren't pushy in the slightest, it was all in my own head! Some of the best things that helped me were:
- Travel, my parents generously paid for me to have a holiday in my second year summer hol. They just handed me the money and said get out of [uni town] for a week or two. I also snook in the odd weekend visits friends or a cheap flight. Great headspace.
- Work, I got a small job. This removed me from the uni hot pot for a few hours a week and allowed me to meet people who weren't studying. It also gave me my own income which felt great. And actually something else to stress about, it balanced out the uni pressure. There was more to life IYSWIM
- work experience, mostly in the hols. It showed me that endless course work and tests were not the be all and end all, it also cemented that this course would take me into the career I wanted. It was also bloody brilliant for my CV, and stood out more than any degree mark.
- home, it became a bit of a sanctuary. If things got too much I knew I could hop on a train and essentially hibernate for a weekend. There'd be food, comfort, no pestering. I could take work or just take time out.
Without fully understanding your DDs situation my experience may be completely irrelevant. But it is great that you're looking out for her, and I do feel for you both.
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