Am I being mean not letting DD do this?

(11 Posts)
VioletBam Thu 08-Sep-16 12:19:36

She's not strictly a teen....she's 12 but seems to think she's 15...

We live in Oz. Every year there's a big county type fair thing....it's a huge deal...has a fairground, lots of live entertainment, stalls, attractions...massive.

Anyway...we're all going, DH, younger DD and I.... and I told DD who is 12 that she could bring a friend...fine. So her mate from school is coming...who is a lovely girl but allowed a bit more freedom than DD is it seems.

Her Mum is of a different culture (Chinese) so not sure if that's anything to do with it but she never seems to mind her DDs (she has 4 of them) going out and about and not reporting back in or particularly letting her know where they are.

DD says that she wants us to stay at the fair till' 10.00pm...it starts at 9.00am!

Apparently the fair;s more exciting after dark etc.

So DH has work in the morning and it's an hour's drive...so we said no...we will stay till about 6...it gets dark at 5 so they'll have some "Darkness" but that's that.

She thinks it's ok for us to leave her at this fair...aged 12...in the dark...and come and get her OR let her come home with her mate's Mum who will also be there with her friends and some family.

We've said no as it's too vague and her mate's mum is a bit lax.We're happy for DD and her mate to wander off on their own during the daylight hours...they've both got phones...we won't expect them to hang out with us!

But we don't want them doing that after 6.00pm...they serve alcohol at the fair and there will be loads of drunken people about by evening time...DD's friend looks about 15 and we're basically worried they;ll be approached by boys...older boys...or that they will accidentally get separated and the place is enormous.

Are we mean? We've said no...you must come back with us at 6.00pm.

It's so hard...but instinct says no. What do you think?

HeyMacWey Thu 08-Sep-16 12:23:00

Could you go at midday and come home at 8pm?
Then you could let them go off on their own but arrange to meet them on and off throughout the day.

Soubriquet Thu 08-Sep-16 12:25:04

I like that idea ^^

Least then if anything goes wrong, you are nearby

imip Thu 08-Sep-16 12:28:33

It's not the royal Melbourne show? I really wouldn't. If not the RMS, it's have to be as all as Luna Park to maker feel it was reasonably ok, but even them I doubt I would.

Tbh, it's a bit of bravado, I'm sure they'd actually be pretty nervous!

VioletBam Thu 08-Sep-16 12:55:48

Hey well we are already letting them go off on their own. If we leave at 8 pm then DH (and I) will be knackered. He has a really early start for work.

There's not a lot of difference if we leave at 6...it gets dark at 5 here at the moment.

Imip no not Melbourne. I don't want to say where.

I think they'd be scared too actually....they haven't even been dropped off in town alone yet. Just in local shopping centres for a bit of a shop and a burger!

Gallievans Sat 10-Sep-16 19:01:32

YANBU. She's only 12 and both she and friend are with your family - so your rules. If it's to enjoy the "darkness" of the Fair then they will have an hour of it. Be careful that she doesn't suddenly say that this "friend" has asked her to go with their family instead though, as from what you've said you would not be happy with that.

There's a fair here twice / three times a year and a really big one in October. DD (will be 15 by then) has been angling to be there after dark for a couple of years. This year I think we will let her - but only until 8pm and I'm intending to take up station in the local hostelry where I can have wine and DH can have coffee, so that we are close by. The fair is notorious for fights later on at night so 8pm is late enough thank you - I've never been there later than 9pm either as it's so damned crowded and full of drunken gangs of lads and girls after that that it's not safe.

Hope all goes well!

HoppityFrogs Sun 11-Sep-16 09:22:23

YANBU, 12 is too young IMO.

yeOldeTrout Sun 11-Sep-16 10:27:34

How early does your DH have to get up next day, and how badly does he function on reduced sleep. Does he even want to go to the fair? Wouldn't you save a packet if he didn't go at all (entry price for that kind of thing is stupid high, ime).

Do the girls have mobiles or would the mobiles not work at the fair?

tbh, I would want to try to accommodate their hopes a bit more than the leave at 6pm plan. But it partly depends how crucial sleep is for your DH.

VioletBam Sun 11-Sep-16 12:22:08

Thanks all...Trout he likes going....they did have mobiles.

We went at 6pm and they were more than ready for home by then as it turned out! They'd both spent up completely....they'd had enough money but of course, it was a longish day....they had a great time though....then back to ours for a sleepover.

I don't think I'd let them wander about there till around 14 or 15 tbh.

Having been this year it reminded me that it's actually quite rowdy...and not somewhere I'd want them wandering in the dark.

yeOldeTrout Sun 11-Sep-16 13:26:25

glad it worked out. I did wonder if, with a 9am start, they might be exhausted by 6pm. I know my teens would be all conked out by then, too.

imip Sun 11-Sep-16 18:51:16

Good result all round!!!

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