My dd has her Summer tests at school all next week. She's 16 (17 soon) and has her final year of school next year. She's bright but has no self-discipline when it comes to school work, and has been spending all her 'free' (ahem) time pissing about online, napping, watching Netflix etc.
I've been trying to get her to study all week but every time we discuss it she has some kind of tantrum or meltdown..last night was just particularly fucking awful :( she threw a major strop, screaming abuse at me etc, and I reacted really badly, basically screaming back and telling her to get out. She did (why did that have to be the only time she did what I asked?!!), and wouldn't answer her phone/reply to texts..I searched all local places, rang around her friends and eventually managed to get 3rd hand info that she'd gone into the city centre, and after looking for her there she finally texted me, we met up and walked home together (which took ages, but was at least peaceful..).
Anyway. I haven't got the energy for many more nights like that, and I'm not sure our relationship can survive them. She hasn't done any work since she got home, and I haven't asked her about it.
The situation is further complicated because she is grieving the loss of a girl at her school, who very tragically (suicide) died a few weeks ago. Dd attended the funeral last Friday. She wasn't a very close friend, but the whole school community is so upset, and dd is still quite down about it. She is more emotional/volatile than usual, I think it's effecting her ability to concentrate when she does try, and also she's just not seeing school work as very important in the light of what's happened to her friend. I do feel awful for her, and have tried to be supportive apart from fucking up massively last night.
Should I just stop trying to persuade her to study and let natural consequences do their thing? And hope she gets motivated by her own desire to do well before this time next year..? Or is that copping out?
She will probably do okayish in most subjects without much work, but won't reach her potential.
It's been a horrible, stressful few weeks. I can't see the wood for the trees and I'd really appreciate any advice.
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Should I bother trying to get her to study?
5 replies
BreakfastLunchPasta · 27/05/2016 20:12
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