Teenagers with ADHD anyone?

[Lottielottie41]

DD 15 has ADHD and as a consequence of her impaired memory a delay of about four years in her learning development.

Her behaviour seems to become more and more concerning with age. She intervenes in dangerous situations eg she witnessed DV when out with friends (who called the police) but DD took it upon herself to approach F ing and blinding about him being a woman beater even when he squared up to her. Her friend was physically assulted a few weeks ago so DD "helped" by fighting the girl who assulted her and subsequently two of the girls friends, this has led to many propositions of fights from this girls friends and DD does not give a toss and is happy to oblige "if they throw the first punch". She is very impulsive and challenging pretty much all the time and can't trial medication due to an irregular heart rate. I don't want to have to ground her permanently but she is making so many risky choices I am worried sick every time she leaves the house. Obviously we speak at length but she can see no wrong in what she does "do you expect me to watch someone being beaten and not help" , I have explained the helpful way to intervene risk free but this doesn't seem to sink in.
Friends use her but again she doesn't see it for instance if they have an issue with someone they wind DD up to make it her problem "oh DD they told everyone you were an ugly (insert choice swear word) and said X and Y about you". I am in a permanent state of anxiety now worrying about every day and what may happen.

[Tonis2297]

Is there any group she can go to ? My brother has aspergers and ADHD he's quite laid back and quiet , my mother wouldn't let him out the house till he turned 16 ! She didn't want him being like me (I was a wild child) he now goes to a group every night in town it's a cafe for gamers and that's something he's really into , could you find some sort of hobby she's really into and find some new friends ones that won't try and get her in trouble ?

[unlucky83]

That sounds really tough
I have a DD (15) with ADHD - wasn't diagnosed until she was nearly 14. She is less impulsive and more inattentive but has had her moments.
She got in a fight with a boy sticking up for a younger child when she was about 12 - from what I can make out he was being so horrible he 'deserved' it - far from the innocent picked 'younger child' his mother thought ...he was in a year below my DD at school but actually a month older than her -in Scotland and he had deferred and she didn't. I did correct the mother because it wasn't quite as it was being portrayed but I did get DD to write a letter of apology to the boy. She didn't really hurt him - more embarrassed and frightened him. And I am sure if one of her friends in particular hadn't been present she probably wouldn't have done it - so I get they can be used - wind them up and set them off mentality.
When she was 13 she attacked a boy in a class who had been bullying her for 3 years, the teacher was useless at controlling the boys in that group and was out of the room when it happened so DD got away with it - and again he got a fright more than anything. But I laid it on with a trowel of how disappointed I was with her and violence isn't the answer (although it was in this case - he now leaves her alone). And also how awful it would be if she got suspended etc - in trouble and he came out of it as the poor victim - how would that feel? How annoying would that be?
I think you need to encourage her to learn to take a count to five or even 10 in her head before she reacts. Am I sure I want to do this?
To get anywhere in life she has to learn to control her ADHD ..and it is difficult.
She is responsible for her own actions - as DD said ADHD isn't an excuse but it is an explanation. Sometimes I tell DD it is an 'orange sweets' thing.
The parent of a child thought that the colouring in certain orange coloured sweets sent them hyper. The child knew that they were not to eat those orange sweets. When they were about 9 yo the class had sweets for some reason and the child ate the orange sweets, went wild, threw chairs etc, got into lots of trouble. (I don't know if it was just psychological or if it was a real effect). But it wasn't their fault - it was because of the orange sweets. Except they had lots of colours of sweets to chose from and they chose to eat those sweets even though they believed they would send them wild - so it was their fault, they made that choice.
I went on a parenting teens with ADHD workshop thing (and DD is now on medication on school days to help her concentrate) - I wonder if there is anything like that available in your area? Might be worth asking her consultant or even the school?
I'm in the process of being assessed for ADHD as an adult - I went wild at 14-15. Did lots of stupid things, stopped going to school, only through luck didn't end up pregnant etc. Relationship with family completely broke down and got thrown out at 17...
But I have learned to control it - mostly - it is hard...
I probably shouldn't suggest this but is your DD allowed to drink coffee? Does she drink coffee?
I used to ban DD from caffeine to stop her being hyper - but I have a serious caffeine (and nicotine) addiction - and since found out that both have been trailed as possible ADHD drugs (the stuff you get on prescription is better..) so it might be worth encouraging more coffee drinking (if her heart can take it).