Sorry for huge and rambling piece but sitting here in tears and hopelessness again.
Just had ANOTHER huge row with YD (yes, I have posted on here before) We seem to have confrontations and aggression all the time and I don't know what to do. She says she hates being in the house cos I get at her all the time (I really try not to, and her sisters don't think I do)
This one was over money..and power again...over the last few days she has been in my wardrobe and took chocolate, easter eggs , crisps (hide them cos they were special treat crisps for us all to share and she would have eaten ...and did eat them..all herself) Told her she had to replace them. She told me after pay day, I stupidly agreed and then she went out with a friend tonight...spending money. Found out she had taken the cookies I had bought for work and eaten them ("I was on my period") Told her had to be replaced by tomorrow, and she told me "After pay day next week or you aint getting owt at all" (sic) I said the car insurance ended tonight unless she replaced them as I needed them for tomorrow. I am fed up of having to threaten her.
She also owes DH for the car she has been driving around in since the weekend but hasn't "had time" to go to the building society to draw the money out. We have taken the keys and told her she isn't having the car then. (it's his old car, she was buying it for a v cheap price) and we were paying £400 gap insurance til May so she could have 2 years no claims...cos we have insured her on it for 2 years)
DH asked her to make time this Saturday to mend the door she has broken (in temper..her bedroom) she just flat out said "No." Then added" No, why should I? Not my problem. Take it off then, and I will keep you awake cos I won't be able to sleep and will have my i pad on and it will be noisy."
We just don't know what to do. Taking things off her doesn't work. She earns so lack of money won't cut it. (She is 18 by the way and at college) Her sisters were nothing like her at all and we are at a loss as to why she behaves like this. She has now told me that she isn't taking me on my (very belated because she hasn't bothered) birthday meal (from July) cos she can't stand to be with me.
I am so upset, our relationship is zilch. She has told me she will get out asap (though said in temper) and she hates me so much she is "done" with me. She wants no washing, ironing etc doing and rarely eats meals with us anyway..prefers to spend all time at boyfriends with his family. I feel very rejected and a total failure as a parent...and I work with teenagers too so am not a stranger to moodiness and aggression (tho not my favourite sort of behaviour.)
Please help...is there anything we can do to break this cycle , this war or do we just tell her to get out if she hates us so much? She is due to go to uni next Sept but did say she might go to local one (stay near boyfriend?!) and live at home to save money...which I don't think is a good idea as I feel she needs to spread her wings. (and hopefully appreciate her home) I will add, although it's NOT an excuse, she does suffer from anxiety (although you wouldn't know it as she covers it v well and is v in your face..at home and college) and is on sertraline...but I don't think the aggression and confrontation and lack of empathy should be because of this.
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Please help with confrontational behaviour
5 replies
febel · 15/03/2016 23:13
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