proud parent ...NOT!

[CRAZZZYLADY40]

I seemed to have become a not so very proud parent of a lazy self-centered spoilt 15 yr who has next no grasp on reality, apparently you don't need an education( refuses to go to school) you don't need a job and you don't need money..I beg to differ!
School was initially trying to help, along with a welfare officer but I seem to have been left to my own devises lately ( clearly not working as the Darling ignores everything that's said )its all very well suggesting half days but getting there's the problem. I feel powerless to change the situation!
Home has become a battle ground with the 15yr making life miserable, my younger child told the teacher it was better to be in school and unwell than at home..how sad is that!!
I don't know how much longer I can cope , I feel so anxious every morning I feel sick and light headed! I might rant and rave and even say things that might hurt feelings ( i am not very good at dealing with someone who calls me all names under the sun and who doesn't bat an eye when they say they don't care if i get fined or a prison sentences) BUT deep down i am gutted, well heart broken really that no one seems to be able to make my angry self absorbed
child see that everyone's just wants the best!

[Wineandchovolateneededasap]

Sorry your having such a crap time. It's a truly isolating experience having a challenging teen people with the best intentions say "take this, take that they'll soon go". Underestimating the will power of a stubborn teenager far to big to force up and out! Do they see friends?!

[LaurieFairyCake]

I'd put him out the door every morning.

If I couldn't do that I'd remove wifi/computer/phone/anything he likes.

I'd tell him that the contract with life means you have to do stuff to get stuff. And he'd get beans on toast every night til he went.

I'd take battle.

[Finallyonboard]

Why has his behaviour suddenly changed?

[BG2015]

My 12 (soon to be 13) DS refused to go to school this morning. Woke him at 7.30, we leave at 8.15. By 8.05 he was still in bed.

It makes me feel sick with worry too. I had warned him the day before that I was leaving at 8.15 - me and my other DS (16) sit in the car for 10 mins waiting for him most days, it is so frustrating.

I'm a teacher too and my school is 3 miles from his. I don't get to school some mornings till 8.45 as he makes me so late.

This morning I drove off with his PS4/ iPhone and all other electronic devices in the boot of my car. I was fuming!

My partner intervened and managed to get him out of the door and to school. His PS4 is still in my boot as punishment for not getting up. I've given him his phone. But I've had enough.

He's bright and could achieve well. It's so worrying though.

[CRAZZZYLADY40]

while I doubt I have ( or had) future scientist , predicated GCSE grades were good but unfortunately marks have slipped with absence from school, it frustrates me that nothing I or anyone says seems to have an impact. I just want him to have the best chance in life, be able to do something he wants to do rather than do a job just for the money but he seems oblivious to it all, its almost like he thinks he will spend the rest of his life festering away in his room, living off mum and dad!

[cavkc123]

Change the wifi password
Confiscate mobile phone and other electronics
Stop making his meals or if you don't feel you can do this, make his a very basic meal
Don't drive him to see friends
Stop his allowance

It doesn't last forever Hun but it's horrid at the time

[CRAZZZYLADY40]

Finallyonboard. we have recently moved and he's not managed to make any friends ( and won't if he doesn't go to school)its resulted in a melt down as he's never experienced it before, he's being treated for it and he's been offered help from school but won't go. Won't help himself!

[CRAZZZYLADY40]

cavkc123, I wish he had friends I could drive him to, the only contact he has is with old friends on xbox live!

[CRAZZZYLADY40]

its pour frustration at not being able to get him to understand no matter what you have to go to school, hiding away in your room is not going to solve anything or make friends , it only takes a good few friends to make life a happier place but does he listen....nope!
stuck between a rock and a hard place Needascarfformygiraffe, while all instincts tell us to remove gadgets to punish bad behavior the gadgets are the one thing stopping him being totally depressed as its the only time he has contact with friends!

[SpotOn]

So he's 15yo and has recently moved to a new school?

It sounds like he's overwhelmed rather than lazy.

I would say no wifi/phone during school hours. But also offer a carrot for going to school.

How long gas the school refusal been going on?

[SpotOn]

while all instincts tell us to remove gadgets to punish bad behavior the gadgets are the one thing stopping him being totally depressed as its the only time he has contact with friends

So you recognise he is close to being depressed. I think you need to address the mental health issue rather than assuming he's just lazy or trying to annoy you.

[derektheladyhamster]

I'm feeling your pain, my 16 yr old has started skipping classes (mainly when there is a test he hasnt revised for).

It does sound like he's really struggling though and I agree, no gadgets during school time, but in combination with a carrot. - if anything floats his boat. Is he getting any counseling to help him?

My son is at a boarding school, so the teachers are very involved but I feel hopeless. He's not even contacting me.

[CRAZZZYLADY40]

yes we have already addressed the depression, we picked up on that pretty early on and is starting therapy next week. school have also offered help but as he won't go hes not able to receive any additional help!
As far as being lazy....I'm talking about the kind that doesn't do anything for themselves if he can get someone else to do it or not do it at all. I do love myself but he is lazy in all aspects of his life which is why I am soooooo frustrated because school is about the one and only thing we do expect him to do!

[CRAZZZYLADY40]

was meant to say I love my son