Smoking drinking 18yr old what can I do?

[terri202]

I'm really worried about my 18ydd. In last month or so secretly smoking(cigs and tobacco and who knows what else) and drinking spirits. Finding bottles secreted in room/bags. I think this ties in with boyfriend and new social group of his(younger). Am watching her cancel exciting gap yr plans, staying over at his, unhappy, withdrawn, secretive, telling lies. Bright intelligent girl, completely lost direction and drive. Already on antidepressants and seeing counsellor- when she remembers to go. Feel complete failure as mum. What shall I do now. Is this perhaps normal behaviour and will I look back in a few months and see it was just a phase? Keeping me awake at nights with worry. Any wise mums netters out there with advice?!????

[fleamadonna]

if she's 18 and this is the first time she's done anything like this, I'd say you've been lucky so far.

but yes, perfectly normal behaviour.

[Alvah]

I understand your worry. I am in a similar situation to you, except my DS is three years younger! (not on antidepressants). I am at a loss, and don't know where to turn for help. I'll be following this thread

Fingers crossed your daughter tires of the partying and moves on with her life soon

[terri202]

thanks for your messages! it really is so difficult! Everyone seems to have a-grade children who do as they are told or as everyone expects- or so they say! Its difficult to admit sometimes that things arent going so well.

[specialsubject]

alcohol is a depressant. Cannabis (hope not) is a REALLY bad idea for those with mental health issues.

you need to get her to talk and fast, before she undoes all the good work and smokes/swills her poor brain to mush.

of COURSE this is not normal! there is something going on. And as started with the new shag, not hard to work out what it is.

you are not a failure.

[ChillySundays]

She is 18 so only so much you can do. Even very intelligent girls get involved with some lad and all life's plans go out the window.

Be there for when the shit hits the fan and let her know you are always there of she needs you.

Doe she drive herself to the appointments. If not could you offer to take her so you know she is going without any nagging.

[mathanxiety]

I agree with SpecialSubject.

Keep an eye out to make sure the new BF isn't predatory -- i.e. someone who has a knack of finding GFs who are vulnerable in some way.