G12 church .negative affect on my 18 year old daughter

(15 Posts)
loasofkids Thu 07-May-15 13:58:43

Hi
Just wondered if any other family have a teen attending a G12 church and if it has negative affects on your family life.
I feel as if they are cult like and have a hold over her and she puts them over her old friends , family and college work.
I feel as if there is noone to talk to about their control over her and my hands are tied as to what I can do.
Thanks for looking and if there is anyone in a similar situation I would be grateful to talk to you

DoctorLawn Thu 07-May-15 14:04:33

I'm sorry, I don't, but I didn't want your post to go unanswered. It sounds worrying.

Hopefully there'll be more knowledgeable people along soon flowers

loasofkids Thu 07-May-15 14:16:48

Thanks for replying.
The church she belongs to go out recruiting teenagers in the street and train them up to be disciples in groups of 12 like a pyramid system.she has just got to the stage where she is starting her own cell of 12 disciples, even though we have asked the church leaders for this not to happen as its affecting her college work.

mummytime Thu 07-May-15 14:33:00

I've never heard of it but I found this article or this one.

To be honest as with most things with teenagers, you are going to have to cover up your disapproval, and make sure she knows you are always there to listen/support her.

I would also tell her clearly that you are worried about her college work, and ask her if there is anything you can do to support her with it.

If you are Christian you could pray for her.

Finally do remember there are more than one route to most careers/Higher Education. Most people who get involved in such movements do move on when they get older.

Northernsoul58 Thu 07-May-15 16:33:40

Loasofkids You need to get your daughter out of this group now. Most people are not aware of cult recruitment until it is too late. You say your DD is putting them above you, her friends and her studies. That rings alarm bells for me.

It is unhelpful to talk about whether a group is a cult or not based on its beliefs or ideology. Cults use deception to recruit and psychological manipulation to brainwash their victims. You need to do some research into how this works. Don't bother looking up the group, you will get confused. Look up how cults work. Here are some helpful starting points:

freedomofmind.com//Info/BITE/bitemodel.php

www.culteducation.com/mind-control.html

familysurvivaltrust.org/index.php

Once you have this information you can take this seriously and fight to hold on to your DD. There is a lot you can do, there are people who can help, but first please be very clear what danger she is in.

loasofkids Thu 07-May-15 17:20:35

Thank you for your help. My eldest daughter introduced her to this group 2 years ago before going to uni. She attended a G12 church at uni but has been on a year abroad this year. Luckily she has seen the light and has seen what it has done to her younger sister and has decided to go to a different church in September.

loasofkids Thu 07-May-15 17:22:45

Forgot to say the youngest still lives at home.

Northernsoul58 Thu 07-May-15 17:58:56

If your DD lives at home you stand a better chance of keeping hold of her. Cultic influence basically steals people's minds and hearts away from their families and former beliefs and values.
I probably sound alarmist about this but I have expertise in this field and there's no good pussy footing around this issue. There's no politically correct position to be taken such as 'respecting other beliefs'. Cultic relations and cultic abuse relies on psychological manipulation not ideology to brainwash victims.
It sounds as though your older DD could be helpful in preventing the recruitment of her sister.
Good luck to you all.

Leeds2 Thu 07-May-15 19:44:13

Could your older DD talk to her sister?

ChillySundays Thu 07-May-15 20:03:49

Another one for getting your eldest to talk to her sister.

If they are anything like my two then they will be more likely to listen to each other than me

loasofkids Thu 07-May-15 20:18:18

Thanks, we are going to see her this week so will discuss it with her. It's really difficult because they are constantly in contact with youngest DD via phone or Internet. She went to stay with eldest DD last year at uni but the people from church were contacting her all the time.

loasofkids Fri 08-May-15 12:39:04

Hi northernsoul58
What can we do to get her away from them, she is 18 and if we try to talk to her about it she says we are controlling and she is leaving home.
A lot of the young people who are part of this group are vulnerable in someway and some have left home since joining.
Her youth/cell leader has a hold over all the girls in her cell group and my DD jumps when she clicks her fingers. She has 4 children who she home schools and she has baby sat for them lots and then had to make her own way home when she has been there a full day without food. I don't mind her being kind but they exploit her good nature and ask her to do things when she has other things arranged , like going to college or a family holiday that she has agreed to go on. We paid for her to go away last year to see her sister and she wanted to come, but at the last minute she had a trial for a job so didn't go, we have found out since there was a conference at church at the same time and she didn't need to go on the trial.
Alarm bells started ringing for me when I had a meeting with the cell leader and she said the kids were encouraged not to worship at any other church because they might teach them something that they don't believe- surely if you're a Christian everyone believes in the same thing.
when I was first concerned and had a meeting with cell leader I said I might come along to the services at night and go to my local church in the morning but I was told I couldn't do that as people are expected to be fully involved in their church and you can't go to another church at the same time.
Before I was really concern DH and I went to a morning service it was all very lively and welcoming without much content a lot of jumping up and down and praying in tongues at the front.
They passed a big bucket around to put money in.
When she first became involved she was always at the cell leaders house as it was just up the street ( luckily they have moved 5 miles away to start another church belonging to this same church) the pastor also lives on the same estate. It was very difficult for us as every time she had a row with us they would collect her in the car or she would storm off up there they would take her out for coffee and say how much they loved her. I would text her and tell her to send her home but she would just ignore me. At this time she didn't do any college work and it got into a vicious cycle of me nagging her to do her work and her having a row and storming off up the road.
I spoke to the pastor about it and he said his kids managed to do their homework, theY still continued to fill her week up with stuff preventing her from getting her work done and she failed her course.
The last straw this week is that the cell leader decided to run for conservative councillor , the young people voted likewise possibly because they idolise her. I don't mind who my DD votes for ,that's her right but to use your influence on a group of young people as a church leader like this is very wrong. My DH was fuming when my DD and her friend from church were dropped off on Thursday pm by the DH of cell leader after delivering leaflets for them , then cell leaders DH couldn't drop the friend off home he didn't have time and expected her to get the bus from ours and walk in the dark from a shopping centre back to her house ( she lives on a very rough estate 4 miles away from us)
I text her cell leader about this and she said DS friend has walked from bus before and said she didn't know about it cause she wasn't there.I lost it I'm afraid and told her I was disgusted by her behaviour and that they are being irresponsible there is still a rapist at large nearby. She wants to meet up to discuss DD and involve her in discussion but I don't want to involve her as they'll just use it against us.
Sorry for such a long post, lots of stuff has happened but I can't list it all.
To the outside world it looks good cause she's not into drugs and drink and feel I can't talk to people about it , everyone thinks she'll outgrow it. I feel she can't get away from it ,the pastors son is on the same course with her this year and she meets young people from cell at lunch time so can't make new friends. I didn't know he was on the same course until she had made the decision to go.

pourmeanotherglass Sat 09-May-15 23:45:01

I've not heard of these before, but that sounds really scary! Definitely not a normal church, it sounds really controlling.

I'm not sure what to suggest, you really need to get her away from them, but I don't know how. Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come along.

mathanxiety Sun 10-May-15 06:47:27

www.familysurvivaltrust.org/info.php?page=how_we_can_help

cultinformation.org.uk/article_caring-for-cult-victims.html

www.encourage-cult-survivors.org/resources/

www.hopevalleycounselling.com/ Post cult counselling.

loasofkids Mon 11-May-15 13:35:43

Thanks for all your messages.
I've been put in contact with someone who hopefully will be able to help us.

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