skiving off school by feigning illness - any advice?

[tannyLoo]

My 15 year old DS does this with some regularly, and I have tried all sorts of techniques from cajoling and pleading, threatening, telling school and sanctioning (took the modem to work with me). I've tried to find the cause but apart from occasionally saying he hasn't done his homework, I've not had much response. I'm sure I'm not alone in experiencing this, but would love to know what others might do in this situation. Thanks.

[arlagirl]

I did this as a teenager to avoid certain lessons as I hadn't done the work.
I would set up a meeting with his HOY.

No bullying?

[Clobbered]

What is it he is trying to avoid at school?
Does he want to go on to sixth form? Worth thinking about a change of school?

[rootypig]

Some kids hate school and need to skip occasionally for their sanity. It's not always the end of the world. At least he's not directly truanting.

How bright is he? what does some regularity mean?

[tannyLoo]

Thanks for your replies. He is generally happy at school, has some good friends and although he has been bullied in the past, things seem pretty settled these days. I agree that it might well be certain lessons he wants to avoid, but he is a very closed book. I would say it averages once every month to six weeks and sometimes he strings it out for a couple of days.

[chinup2011]

You have my sympathies Tannyloo. My Ds is in his final year of school and for the last two years I have been beyond stressed with this issue.
I have had endless meetings and I'm afraid have no advice for you after it all. I think Rootypig has hit the nail on the head quite honestly.
Unfortunately although not the end of the world it has had an impact on his school results and will affect his future I'm sure. I hope your Ds sorts himself soon.

[rootypig]

Stringing it out for a couple of days is not on

What does he say when you ask him directly what he's trying to avoid?

[rootypig]

I am trying to remember why I skipped school. I didn't feign illness, my mother was too controlling tough for that - that was part of the problem.

I think, looking back, it was not just not being at school, but the fact it was the only way I could get a day alone. I have a few siblings, grew up in a noisy family house. No other way to do it really (have just realised this!). I still love being in my own house alone.

I suppose what I'm saying is if you can work out what he needs, you might find another way to give it to him.

[cleo14]

I agree with op that not all young people like school. I've had this issue a couple of times with my almost 15 yr old ds. If it's complete refusal I would make sure that a sanction is put in place so that maybe, just maybe they might think twice about it the next time!

[tannyLoo]

Thank you for all your sensitive replies. It is hard sometimes to negotiate the line between being an understanding parent and losing the plot!

I received a letter from school today telling me that DS's attendance is currently 87.5%. Some of this is when he had a week off when he was actually sick, but most of the rest is swinging the lead.

We'll keep going. I don't know what else to do. And we'll talk to his tutor a bit more often.

[balia]

Maybe some rewards? This works with some kids, something to aim at - a treat for every full week/fortnight (doesn't have to be massive, just something he likes).