my lovely son is turning into a teenager, help!

[bubblepop]

i need some voices of wisdom please! my eldest son is nearly 10. up until this last year he has been a wonderful son,one to be really proud of. but something's changed..he's getting into trouble at school nearly every day. he fights other boys in school and comes home really upset.he's bullying his younger brother(who's 7) and has him in tears every day.he's constantly flying into a rage at the slightest thing, and he's become cheeky and lippy, especially to me and his nan. im not really sure how to handle it.we don't smack our children but last week he tried to fight with me and started punching and kicking me..any tips on how to best handle this situation would be appreciated.

[HenniPenni]

JUST A QUICK ONE, HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO THE SCHOOL? dO YOU THINK THAT HE'S BEING BULLIED?

[HenniPenni]

whoops sorry about the caps

[izzybiz]

Really dont know what advice to give, my Ds is 13 (will be 14 at xmas)_ and he has given us a bit of trouble over the past year, smoking etc, and can be really mouthy, he has never been violent though.

All i can suggest is to try and be firm in punishing bad behavior, but still try and be approachable for chats if he feels he needs to talk, i know its hard when they are driving you insane! Make sure you and Dh stick together as well. Ds needs to know you are working togeher and he cant play you against one another.

Good luck.

[bubblepop]

bump

[bubbles4]

no voice of wisdom here just somebody who tries to cope as best as she can but have you tried sitting him down for a one to one chat as it sounds as something is troubling him best of luck

[carlsberg]

Hi, I know how you feel bubblepop. I have 2 dss. Ds 1 is nearly 13 ds2 is 11. They are both quite temperamental now (used to be really sweet) but we had a rotten year last year with ds2 when he was 10. It was like he changed overnight. He would barricade himself in his room and trash it, constantly fight with ds1, get into fights at school, swear etc, etc. I got to be at my wits end and used to dread him coming home from school. Eventually I took him to the Drs as he kept saying he hated himself when I asked him what was wrong. He was referred to a child psycholgist and only went a couple of times but it seemed to do him the world of good.
He is extremely well developed for his age and has shot up all of a sudden. The dr said he had grown 20cm in 2 years! We came to the conclusion that the hormonal changes going on within were too much for him to cope with as he has changed so much. Things have calmed down a bit more although he is much more demanding than ds1, but whenever he loses his temper, he eventually ends up in tears and still wants reassuring that we love him, which we always tell him that we do and give him a hug.
I think whatever happens they need to know you love them and you should try to talk to them, although it is very difficult. Mine can be quite scary if he flies into a rage and he has hit me as well, although I try to hold his wrists when he does it. Afterwards he was always so sorry but he has learnt to control himself a bit more now.

I hope things improve for you. I find it difficult with my 2 dss now especially as dh works aways for 2 weeks at a time. I look back with nostalgia on the days when they were small, although at the time, it didn't seem so easy then.

[mumblechum]

Try reading a book called Raising Boys. Sorry, can't remember the author's name but it's a bestseller so shouldn't be too hard to find. The author explains why boys quite often get out of hand. A firm but loving dad seems to be the most important thing (difficult to hear when they're usually closer to mum until this point). How supportive is his dad?

[Freckle]

Steve Biddulph. A very good book. Reminds me I must read it again, as I have one 12.5 yo and an almost 11 yo. DS1 is clearly suffering from hormone overload. He veers between being very cuddly, I-love-you-Mum, kissy kissy to waking up with a scowl on his face and proceeds to have a day to match. DS2 has been turning into a teenager since he was 7!

Do read the book. It might give you some ideas.

I agree that having a chat might be good. Steve Biddulph says that boys don't like direct one-to-one chats, i.e. facing each other, so suggests finding some task to do along side each other. Apparently boys open up more like that.

[fairyjay]

Best time to 'chat' is when you're driving, as it's not face to face.

[bubblepop]

thanks everyone for responding! i will definatley read that book. my dh is a brilliant father in many ways and loves all of them to bits, so together i hope we can quickly get to grips with it all.thanks you lot. x